A Long Time Ago...

Many years ago, I met a guy at my job who I became very close to. We worked together 40 hours or more a week, and got to know each other very well. I was married, but my relationship lacked everything it was suppose to have. There was no closeness, communication or love there at all. I felt lost most of the time. After I got to know this new guy, I found out he was the exact opposite of the loser I had to call my husband. Despite knowing it was wrong, I started seeing this guy outside of regular work hours. We spent time just hanging out, laughing, caring for each other and it felt so right. I would go home after being around him, and once again, I would feel lost. My husband was very selfish, lazy and immature, even though he was 8 years older than I was. He had begun abusing drugs and spending money we did not have to enjoy himself whenever he felt like it. We had 2 small children, so packing up to leave was next to impossible...plus I knew if I did that, he would never leave me alone, as he had told me once if I left, he would follow me till he got the kids away from me. I had no family to run to, my parents both  had passed away when I was young, so I was stuck. The guy I had gotten close to knew all about my situation and he wanted me to just leave and bring myself and my kids to his home and move in. I was so scared, afraid of what might and probably would happen, so I did nothing. It hurt me and what is worse, it hurt this sweet guy as well. His best friend even told me how much this guy loved me. My head was spinning from it all. I guess I didn't think someone like me would find someone like this. He offered me the world. Why I was such a fool is beyond me. So...now 20 some years later, I miss him...very much. We did have a few connections via phone calls and through other people, but eventually, that faded away. He moved away from the area too. I know I lost something I never should have let go. It is a regret I have carried with me all this time. There were things I never told him that I should have and still want to. I do not want to invade his life now, I do not expect him to be responsive to hearing from me either, but I finally found his address in another state and, after more thinking, I wrote to him. It was a simple and very casual letter. I did not ask for anything at all. I told him I just hoped he was doing well and that he had crossed my mind, so I decided to write and inclosed my email address in case he might send me a return note. Perhaps it was wrong, and I hope it doesn't cause him any problems, as I know he is married now and has a small child. He may have forgotten some of the past, but if I am remembering things right, I am pretty sure he has not. Does being curious about something from so long ago seem strange? He had a profound affect on life in ways he has no idea about. I am not sure if I am worried about hearing from him at some point or never hearing from him at all in any way. It is confusing to say the least.

Diamond427 Diamond427
46-50, F
Feb 26, 2009