Beauty Is In The Eye Of The Beholder...not Mine

It is truly a desire of mine to feel as beautiful as people say I am, over the last few years I have learned to accept the fact that if people tell me I am beautiful to just say Thank you and leave it alone. It is not in my persona to fish for compliments, but it is natural to think someone is when they deny a compliment.
Inside I am a beauty, of that I have no doubt. To me what is on the inside is more important than the outside, which is icing on the cake. Personally I don't think I am attractive. I hate my body, even though it has come to my attention that their are quite a few people around who like big women. I hate my weight and my scars.
Some people are so shallow that all they see are ones looks. A lot of my weight problem has to do with my health situation and the medication I take. Of course I have features that I think are nice, but no where near beautiful.
I long to put on a bikini or a slinky dress, I long to walk in high heels or dance in them. For me those things won't happen because I am ashamed of my looks and body, and I am logical enough to realize that there are certain things a big women just should not wear.My illness makes it near impossible to wear heels let alone dance in them.My hair always looks like I stuck my finger in a light socket, and I can't hold my arms up long enough to straighten it. 
Being vain is not me at all...what you see is what you get. I am kind, relatively patient and always willing to listen or help. However like most I would love to see eyes on me and heads turn when I walk in a room.

bluetatoo19712000 bluetatoo19712000
36-40, F
3 Responses Sep 7, 2012

I want you!

Way to go. I like what you wrote, Not all women are pin ups but much more inside

Overweight is not ugly. I think you are mistaking. Inner beauty is must. That is our soul. There is nothing more than beauty of our soul. So feel the beauty of your soul. You no need to remain in medication. Instead of you should live in meditation. Self healing I realized it is much bigger than any medicine. Loving your body, mind and soul is most important. You are absent to see your own beauty. Visualize your heart centre. Which is path between body and soul. It open the door of soul. Heart is a feeling point. Heat is a loving point. Without visualizing heart spirituality is impossible.