Nothing Lasts Forever Unless You Make It!

I just joined EP and in browsing I saw the side topics and one of the stories was in this group. I was floored and broken hearted to see that it was not just one person but a whole group. I guess I should not be surprised because I too thought that I was ugly and not worthy growing up and still some days I have my moments but I have learned to fight it.
I spent a lot of my child in emotional turmoil, crying and telling myself I was not beautiful or worthy, having low self-esteem. I coped by eating my way to happiness which never worked. Over the years I started reading, and began to read self help books.

What worked for me:

1) I took a hard look at what I wanted in life and what I didn't want(or what wasn't working in my life). I actually made a pro and con list that I am still revamping, it is an on-going process. I made plans or goals on how to keep what I wanted and how to get rid (no matter how hard it is) of what I didn't want. ( at one point my mentally abusive BF) did lots of soul searching then. Set GOALS ~ Start small 1 to 3 things you would like to change. It takes about 20 to 30 consecutive days to make a habit stick.  If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude.
-- Maya Angelou

2) I stopped wishing for what I didn't have and for things that are truly unattainable. Like trying to be a size 2 body when I am a big beautiful woman. Yes, I will lose weight but not ever will I be a size 2 and healthy. I just began making healthy choices and not punishing myself as slip ups they happen. I got active now I am slowly losing my (security blanket) weight and feeling happy. Or wishing to win the lottery to never have to worry about bills, rent etc. I must set goals of saving money starting today and goals that will help me do this in the future.

3) Change your thoughts and change your life.
Ya right, but it really does work. Ever heard of the saying "Fake it till you make it!" So very true. I was thinking negative thoughts all the time I didn't even realize it. I began to tell myself to think positive thoughts. Whether you think you can, or think you can't  YOU'RE RIGHT ! I started waking up every morning and telling myself in the mirror that" I am beautiful, that I do love myself, I am worthy, it doesn't matter what people think as long as I am happy."  What ever you need to tell yourself whatever your struggle is. At first it was very silly and I didn't believe it would work but eventually it did.
Watch your thoughts, for they become words.
Watch your words, for they become actions.
Watch your actions, for they become habits.
Watch your habits, for they become character.
Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.
-- Author Unknown

4) I write in a journal 10 things I am grateful for or thankful for. This makes me aware of what I have, as oppose to what I don't have and think I need or want. Like house to keep me warm, food on the table, enough money to pay bills, I have a great husband, a friend that listens, my hair looked good today or what a beautiful sunset I saw today or that ...... whatever you are thankful for. list it. look at when you are feeling down.

5) I try to keep things/life in perspective. For example. I have a friend that is always upset over something going wrong in her life. She says poor me no guy, no money, bad job etc.... instead of finding solutions.(truthfully, I have to limit my time with her as her negativity wears off on me) I would try to give advice but the next time we talked she would still crying over the same problems. Which is okay she is who she is and again I listen, help when asked. She is single, lives in an apt, and has a job she hates, won't try to fix it and is not looking for a new job because she might not make enough money to pay bills, food and rent. I can relate been there done that but I literally shook my head when she told me how much she made at her job (thankfully she couldn't see that through the phone.) I told her " ----, really my hubby makes about the same and he supports a family of 5".  I am thinking her priorities are not in the right spot. But that is for her to learn and her journey to take.

6) Take time for yourself! Do lots of soul searching, pray to god or a higher power if that is your belief. For me it works wonders. I began walking in nature discover the beauty around me. As they say "Take time to smell the roses" and "Don't sweat the small stuff" soo true!
Take up an activity or hobby that nourishes your soul. Sounds funny but works. I love being around water I find it sooo calming, love the sound of thunderstorms. I listen to soft music especially as I soak in the tub. I meditate often and I want to start yoga as my next challenge. I love reading, being a mother and a loving wife. Find what you love to do and make time for it. There are no excuses you choice to do what you do, what happens to you and how you react to it is your choice.

7) REMEMBER This moment in time.... is just that... A MOMENT IN TIME!  Find out what makes you happy, what will make you grow in a positive way as a person and leave the rest behind. Your whole life is ahead of you. My life's journey, learning, growing as a person won't end until the day I died and I plan to savour every moment!!

If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude.-- Maya Angelou

The Invitation by Oriah Mountain Dreamer
(my favourite book)

It doesn’t interest me
what you do for a living.
I want to know
what you ache for
and if you dare to dream
of meeting your heart’s longing.

It doesn’t interest me
how old you are.
I want to know
if you will risk
looking like a fool
for love
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me
what planets are
squaring your moon...
I want to know
if you will risk
looking like a fool
for love
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me
what planets are
squaring your moon...
I want to know
if you have touched
the centre of your own sorrow
if you have been opened
by life’s betrayals
or have become shrivelled and closed
from fear of further pain.

I want to know
if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.

I want to know
if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you
to the tips of your fingers and toes
without cautioning us
to be careful
to be realistic
to remember the limitations
of being human.

It doesn’t interest me
if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear
the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.

I want to know
if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,

It doesn’t interest me
to know where you live
or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.

It doesn’t interest me
who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the centre of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me
where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know
what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.

I want to know
if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like
the company you keep
in the empty moments.

or other books to read:
Mutant Message from Down Under by Marlo Morgan
Peace Is Every Step: The Path of Mindfulness in Everyday Life by: Thich Nhat Hanh he has over 100 books out
The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari: A Fable About Fulfilling Your Dreams & Reaching Your Destiny by Robin S. Sharma
The Secret by Rhonda Byrne
any by:  Louise L. Hay or Maya Angelou or Sarah Breathnach
I am sure there are many many others that are amazing and if you know of any let me know!
deleted deleted
2 Responses Dec 6, 2012

Thanks bisub - great tips!

Very inspiring! I need to keep a copy of your list and read this again and again.
One book to add to the list: "The Chimp Paradox" by Dr Steve Peters (the guy behind several British Olympic champions).
Thanks for sharing.