Is It Too Late?

We've been through alot together, this is true.  There were those times though, that I really needed you.  You were not there for me.  Emotional stability, what's that?   Any type of support, none whatsoever.  Whatever you needed, there I was.  Who was there for me?   Sure, you know you put me through hell, and for some reason, the act of acknowledging it makes it alright?  Examples?  Here's a couple you may have forgotten. 

 In labor,  driving to the hospital, you kicked me out of the car because you wanted to argue about someone in your imagination that I was cheating with, and I refused.  I just wanted to get to the hospital, and no, til this day I have never cheated on you, no matter what your twisted mind tells you.  So, I walked about a mile and a half, cramping, hunched over, it started to rain, crying embarrassed and alone to the hospital.  I gave birth two hours later...There was also that time that you were accusing me of infidelity and you said you were going to crash the car while you were driving.  You kept insisting that I tell you someone's name because I had to be messing around on you.  I cry and plead with you, why won't you believe me, I've never lied to you.  You plow directly into oncoming traffic.  I open the passenger's door which you locked, and try to leap, you pull my hair to hold me back.  I'm scared...of you, of the road that will soon be beneath me, of the car that's behind us...I wrench myself out of your grip, say a quick prayer and jump.  I didn't break any bones, or do any real damage to myself, the scars have healed up quite well on my knees, legs, and chest. 

How many chances does one get? You lie to me repeatedly, have cheated on me as well, and I forgive you.  I'm always willing to look past the horrors and see you in a golden light.  My vision is clearing.  There is no light, you are darkness.  

Now, you realize what you could be losing.  You are trying to show me some compassion, some affection after all this time.  There is finally some effort on your part.  It feels forced, ingenuine, fake.  I don't know why I am still here for you. My heart feels it should be with another.  Someone else who wants to be in your shoes, who has waited many years.  Just so he can treat me with respect, and whisper romantic notions in my ear and hold me.  Someone who understands, just to be with me, to cradle my hand in his, to laugh with, that is a gift.  He tells me I am beautiful.  How simple, how wonderful! 

2Shy 2Shy
31-35, F
Mar 28, 2009