The Good, the Bad and the I Yi Yi ...

T oday while walking, I had a sort of flashback to one night when my mom and I sat in my room listening to a bunch of Depeche Mode songs (still my favorite band). I think I was 15 or a bit younger. She was curious - not the kind of curious in a mom way but the musician in her was curious. She didn't make any negative comments. It was like one of the coolest things she ever did. I know I was a difficult person to live with then (and maybe I still am).
So, why don't we get along? I think its because she has a bit of a temper. Growing up I was sometimes afraid of her. I'd hide under my bed sometimes.I remember running downstairs and locking my door, then running through the adjoining bathroom into the guest room to lock that door. That was before I grew up and grew angry and started yelling back. I'm not a very sympathetic person, I suppose, so it took me a long time to understand her.
She can lose it when she's mad. She becomes illogical and screams and can she scream. I have always been jumpy and nervous and I know that is why. I'd give anything to be able to live out in the mountains, the country... anywhere peaceful and quiet. I could be content living alone there but I'd be happier to share it with someone special and boy do I ever digress.
Back to my mom, not too many people can reason with her when she's angry. Partly because she becomes SO illogical.  The best thing to do is leave. My dad will go to Home Depot (hee hee!), me to the movies, to the beach, to get coffee... whatever. My husband has been the only one able to get through to her on a few occasions. So, after I got married and he would try to calm her down.. it would be mostly ok. If not, or he was really stressed, we both would leave. She refuses to go back to therapy and she's bad about taking her meds on a consistent basis.
I'll save my wretched experience from last Thanksgiving (2006) for another time. Usually we all like the holidays - we get along and usually stay mostly sober and sane.. but not that one.