Not Sure

Well, how to begin... My father was the best man in the world and he always will be to me...
He was a electrician, helped everyone that needed for free... always so kind and respectful, everyone that knew him that I meet say that he was a good man, so he is my example... I loved him so much, like, I can't even define how much, he was everything to me. In the vacation of 2002 we went on a family camping and there was a river in that place... everyone was so happy... I remember there was a tall tree across the river which they would climb and jump on the water, I wanted to do that too... but the river was too deep for me to cross alone, so I asked my father to bring me to the other side of the river...
So I was like holding on his shoulders to go, when in the middle of the river he had a fulminant heartattack... He began to sink, and I was sinking too but when I began to drown I left his shoulders ... anyways I didn't know how to swim, so I was still there drowning... until a cousin helped... and my uncles took me out of the water... They thought my father was playing... but he really wasn't. So everyone started crying, and get desperate, and I was, "huh? what's going on?" I was 8 years old... I still remember he sinking, that's why I am here, I wasn't able to sleep today... I Began to think about all the memories I still have about him... So I searched on google, "I wish I had a father" that's how I got here. I am sort of alone, so some times I just don't know what to do, but maybe I'll be able to sleep now...

Sorry for any mistakes I am Brazilian, so my english is not so good.
FlavioW FlavioW
18-21, M
2 Responses May 24, 2011

Thanks a lot, I'll be ok .. :)

Hi FlavioW, I am sorry for your loss, I can't even try to understand what you have gone through. But, it is good that your father was a good man, and people have only nice comments to make regarding him. I am also glad that you were able to find EP and get some of your emotions out in the open. EP is a great place to be able to process through your feelings.<br />
I am sorry that you cannot sleep, is there a counselor you could go see? Maybe seeing a counselor would be helpful in giving you tools to cope with your loss?<br />
Well, keep writing, we'll be reading! And take care of yourself, don't go too long without sleep or it can mess with your mental/emotional state.<br />
Take care :)