Missing Dad

I have a living father. But he's not a dad.

My parents divorced shortly after I became 4 years old. I remember seeing one of their fights when I was 3...I was hiding behind the piano and I was just sitting there, watching it. It's scarred me. I still flinch anytime someone starts yelling when they're angry and it's been 16 years.

Anyway, my father has been in and out of life since then and it hasn't been too great. He has caused me a lot of pain. I can't trust people because he's broken so many promises. I have a problem with committment because I've never seen a well-functioning relationship. I'm sure there are other things that I haven't realized yet.

But my point is that I hate him. And I believe that in order to hate someone, you have to love them too. I do love him; he's my father. But I wish he could have been my dad.

There are times in a girl's life when she could really really use a dad.

I haven't spoken to or seen him in over a year now.

rockgirl rockgirl
18-21, F
1 Response Jun 17, 2007

that is EXACTLY the same as me.. he hasnt been in my life either and when he was, it would be for only a few weeks. i tried to make it work with him last year but he broke my heart too many times.<br />
i dont know how my life would have been with him around and if i had a DAD - but my life seems to be better without his pain. i love him like u said, but the hate overruns the love.<br />
<br />
keep staying strong darling - its a tough run, but its these tough things that make US so much stronger in the end. and those issues with commitment and such - they are hard to overcome. all i can say is that you dont have to define your life by his mistakes. you're too precious. xo