I Wish I Had Something to Keep Me Busy.

Sorry about the title--I my writing gets a teensy bit dyslexic when I'm super tired. It's only 9 pm here, but feels like midnight. The soreness of the  injury combined with the stress and depression has left me just plain knackered.

I miss having a hobby. Oh, I write, but...sometimes I get bogged down with it--I mean, it's mostly all I have in the way of a hobby, these days.

I miss being able to have a hobby.

I used to have several. Started with antique bottle collecting, had a stamp collection, briefly--mum's idea, not mine. I've done artificial flower arranging--somewhat successfully, I'm glad to say, at the county fair. I started a model railroad--got quite far along--no train, but I had a great layout--but ran out of funds to finish it--then ran out of room, as well. My grandad had a fancy layout--the local paper even had a big photo of it, once, back in the 1940's--before my time, of course.

I've also collected antique saddles and other horse related items. Still have a few small pieces--had to sell the saddles tho'. I'm a semi-expert on antique saddlery--especially western saddles. The craftsmanship of some of them is simply amazing--especially one that was made at the turn of the 20th century--rubies, diamonds, fancy carving--it was literally priceless. In fact, I have a 1900's photo post card of it--and the card itself is worth something like 25 dollars! Or so I was told. My oldest piece right now, is a late 18th or early 19th century California Spanish-Colonial horse bit.

Mum was into her family's genealogy. Did it for over 25 years--I still have many of her hand-written notes--reams and reams of them! Some of the stories were really interesting. Some...weird. One of my ancestor's--thankfully a very distant one--was eaten. Yes, eaten. He was on a Whaler out of Hudson, NY, shipwrecked--died, and was eaten. Be careful when you turn over those family gravestones, ey? Spoke to a lady once, who'd found that her ancestor was a James--as in Jesse James, and robbed banks with the gang.

But I've simply not got the druthers to go through all those papers. I've done historical research--another early hobby--I studied the history of one of our local cemeteries...but genealogy's a bit over my head---so incredibly daunting!

I miss having a hobby, tho.

I miss fishing, going for a drive, going to farm and antique auctions, horseback riding, bowling, swimming, hiking, snowshoeing...don't do any of that now. Can't afford to. Just not able to do that.

I miss college. I miss theater class and archaeology class, as well. I even miss English classes! Don't miss the maths and computer classes, tho--never will.

But I miss the discussions, the tossing about of new ideas, new techniques...new experiences. New places, new people, new things. Every day, something new. It was great--well, most of the time.

I don't even feel like writing, any more. Over the past year, I've turned into a recluse, and do-nothing. It's not in me to be like that--but I've not the energy--or the motivation any longer, to do otherwise.

I've no mum or nearby friends to tell me to get up and about, to encourage me to go out and do. So, I don't.

No funds, no friends here, and no...nothing. I am nothing. I see nothing, I hear no one, I do not a thing.

I need a hobby! But...what I need and what I can have right now--it's a gulf wider than the Grand Canyon.


whovian whovian
46-50, F
1 Response Mar 17, 2007

I can sort of relate. I didn't have such interesting hobbies as you but I did have hobbies. <br />
In the last 4 years my life has been through many ups and downs. Recently I was in a mental hospital for a breakdown. I'm now trying to pull my life together but I feel as though i'm nothing. I know I have skills that I can put into practise but where? Circumstances have me in a different country with no family around me. People who I thought were my friends betrayed me. I have no money. I just exist.<br />
I'm going to church as the first step but that's not enough. I feel so empty and lost and confused but thank you for your post.