Not Enough Friends!

Like the title says, I wish I had more close friends. I've always had a pretty small inner circle of maybe 3 close friends and then maybe 4 or 5 not so close friends, but now the numbers have dwindled down to about 2 close friends and some good friends at work.  Mostly I just hang out with my husband, which is easy to do because he a great guy and we get along so well. Sometimes I worry that I feel so content with him that it makes me reluctant to take chances and risk rejection with new people, but it's not realistic to expect him to meet all my needs.

I'm pretty insecure and have a slight touch of social anxiety -not enough to be cripping, but enough to make things awkward- but if you met me you'd never guess because I come across as pretty friendly and outgoing. Because I don't have that many friends, I tend to really value my connections to the ones I do have. I love to socialize with friends and do stuff. I just wish I could do a lot more of it.

It's hard for me to reach out to other people. I want to, but then I start feeling like I have nothing of interest to offer so I'd just be bugging the person. I've also had, I think, more than my fair share of rejection from friends and potential friends. I don't think I have a lot in common with other people. I've never been able to relate to more than a handful of people in my peer group, even growing up. For one thing, I'm just not that interested in the things a lot of things my female peers like. Although I like kids, I don't have any of my own and never wanted any and that tends to be a big divider. I'm not into reality shows, shoes, shopping and I find diet talk and body hatred really, really tedious. I'm not saying I'm better or worse than anyone, just that I have different interests. I like documentaries and books and politics and photography and a bunch of other stuff, but I never seem to find people with interests similar to my own. It also seems like nearly all of the friends that I make have advanced degrees. I don't plan that or seek it out, it just kind of happens. That seems to be the group I connect with the best, I guess.

I also find that it's really hard to make friends in Minnesota. Minnesotans are really nice and great people, but I think the state is the unofficial gathering place for introverts. It's also not very transient here so people tend to have the same friends that they've had since they were kids and aren't really invested in expanding their social circles because their needs are being met adequately.

I start to make friends with people and then it just goes nowhere, like they've perceived some flaw in me that I can't see that renders me unlikable and unfriendable. My fear is that there really is something horrifically wrong with me that I'm unaware of an can't do anything about. It's not nearly as bad as it used to be. When I was young I would just assume people weren't going to like me and proceeded accordingly. Now I know that I can charm most people, but unfortunately it just never seems to progress. It's so frustrating!

Slackajawea Slackajawea
36-40, F
2 Responses Mar 2, 2010

I enjoy watching Sex and The City not so much for the discussions on sex but for the camaraderie that Carrie Bradshaw with her 3 best friends; Miranda, Samantha Jones and Charlotte. Yes, I always thought how nice my life would be if I could have 3 close female friends to share the travails of life with. They laughed with her, held her hand when she cried, and helped her pick out her wardrobe. But perhaps my favourite was the scene in SATC the Movie where she was jilted by Mr.Big, her supposed husband to be... Her friends all rallied around her. And helped her through the little things in life while her world fell apart and all of them took the time off to go with her on the honeymoon she should have gone on with Mr.Big. Well Carrie Bradshaw wouldn't be what she is without her friends.

Yes! I have the worst time with small talk too! I try and keep up with what's happening with sports and the weather so I can get by, but my attention tends to drift while keeping it up. Regarding kid stories, I really like them. Kids are always doing and saying the most cute and/or outrageous things so they're always pretty totally entertaining.