10 Ways To Waste Money Once You're Rich

If I were to come into an insurmountable amount of money and was set for life (did all the usual stuff, house, holiday, family, charity etc), there would be a few stupid things that I would absolutely HAVE to do. Here are a couple of them:

1. I'd get £100 or so and transform them all into 1p pieces. Then I'd stand outside my office (though obviously I would have quit after becoming rich), find my bosses car and lob the full £100's worth at it penny by penny as hard as I possibly could at point blank range.

2. In true 'Top Gear' fashion, I would buy a bog standard, ugly city bus (not a caravan) and blow seven shades of **** out of it with all manner of pyrotechnics, explosives and booby traps. This would then conclude quite dramatically with some sort of trap involving a giant mallet, ten gallons of butter and a rubber duck.

3. Give a homeless guy £1000 to present me with a jar of his bet swimmers and then put it in my bosses coffee.

4. Pay people I don't like (mainly just scabby, ignorant yobs who indulge in muggings) to fight for my amusement on stilts and using only cucumbers and stuffed animals as weapons. And yes, I would expect brutal fighting and genuine injuries - though don't ask me how these injuries would be inflicted.

5. Commission a gigantic pencil suit to be made that is fully functioning, put it on and roll around on a floor-wide piece of paper until some form of modern art was made.

6. I'd pay a professional car thief to unlock my bosses car whilst she's away from it and place a hefty pile of dog **** underneath the driver and passenger seats. Let her figure out where the smell is coming from! I would pay this same person to do this at least once every fortnight, though change the location of the dog **** each time. Have you guessed how much I hate my boss yet?

7. Pay for Kim Kardashian's next 5 cosmetic surgeries so that she'll let me pelt her with rotten fruit, fish and human excrement. She will be dressed as a frontal lobe (symbolic of the moronic, brain-rotting **** she inflicts on millions of people) and will be expected to dance and sing 'Bohemian Rhapsody'. This will all be filmed and Youtube'd within the hour.

Anyone got anything else they'd like to waste loads of money on?
Meeoko Meeoko
18-21, F
May 17, 2012