Problems Of Helping Family - Please Read, Will Take One Minute Of Your Time.

When i turned 16 it came out that my mother had some debts that she hadnt told my father about, but she hadnt been secretly spending or anything, it was simply extra borrowing to keep everything going, and my father is difficult to tell these things to. Anyway it all came out, and it was ok, and then their banking was switched to online banking, they werent familiar with technology, so i offered to help. This is where everything spirals out of control and i could have never predicted how trapped i'd become. Due to the nature of my fathers job - he is in construction, building on various sites, he can often become out of work within a few hours if the site manager decides to lay people off. As the recession hit this happened many times over the years, to the extent that he was out of work a lot once i started helping them with their banking. The problem is it soon got left for me to make sure everything was paid etc, which was fine at first, until there was not money available as he was out of work, and i'd use their overdrafts for their bills. As i had access to their overdraft facilities i would move funds into their current account so their bills etc would be paid. now nearly four years later and trying my best to limit their outgoings, there is nearly a 20 thousand overdraft debt my father isnt aware of. He is still in and out of work all the time and it really gets him down. I can hear him saying things like he can't cope with more problems, and his work life is killing him, which is really sad because he is such a skilled manm everyone he works with points out this fact, about how much knowledge he has, and it just makes me feel he just deserves a break in life now he's nearly 50, and he never gets to go on holiday etc.My problem is i need to tell him as there is no more available with the overdrafts. there will be no money for xmas or anything and he wont be in work. I can't tell him because i doubt he will cope but i have no choice. I'm trapped. In addition i cant lend them money because i helped my brother out and gave him some money which he is still repaying me but has now become out of work. No one knows how trapped i feel and i dont know how to get out of this mess. I've always loved xmas but now dread the thought of it getting closer day by day. Going out and seeing all the nice xmassy things is something i used to love. Friends will ask me to go out but i constantly have to decline because i cant afford it and any spare money id have id give to my parents (if i had any). Yet this frustrates and annoys my friends as they always get declined by me when they invite me out which makes everything feel worse for me. Im at uni and had planned on getting work as soon as i finished and paying their debts for them. Yet its got too bad and can't wait for me to start work before it is paid. I cant even afford to get to uni which means my grades will slide. I feel i am in one big mess, and wish id never offered to help, which makes me feel horrible and selfish. Im 20 years old and in one big mess. So before offering to help others, consider the impact upon your own life, sometimes its okay to be selfish.
kate x
katean katean
18-21, F
7 Responses Dec 10, 2012

You shouldn't have gone into their overdraft funds, and they shouldn't have had a 16 year old managing their finances. Seems like secrecy about money runs in your family. Time to air out the laundry, and then get on a plan to live within your means.

Hello sounds like your at the end of the rope!!! If you have a little time i would love to share with you what happened to me.I`m 42 year old man, my wife and her sister had a bar and grill for over ten years they did really well for few years. Until they went broke $200,000 in hole, yes bankrupt...any way a friend introduced us to advocare it has changed our life. we get paid for helping people. this is new for 2013 do you know people that need to loose a few pounds the more people you tell the more money you make . we pay out $20,000 in bonuses every two weeks. I would love to help you. If you want help

With all due respect & as sweet of a daughter as you r trying to b, lets get ONE thing PERFECTLY CLEAR,this is not YOUR big mess ...its your PARENTS big mess, plz don't mess your head up with THAT mix up

I think you should inform all your family members. It's not your fault, so they can't blame you - and if they do, they're wrong, so don't worry about that.
If they are aware of how much debt there is, they can adjust their lifestyle, spend less and try to do some extra work to earn some money. If they aren't aware, the debt can only grow further.

As for xmas: a gift doesn't need to be expensive, it can be a letter written with your own hands, it can be a homemade food specialty, it can be many things which come from your heart but cost little or no money.

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thanks for you advice. The thing is my parents have worked and worked all their life they never get to go away or anything, and it's like they just need a break in life. I understand i need to tell them but it makes me sad to give them another knock back. I understand completely that their are people far worse off in life as well. And as for my brother i know he will pay back me as soon as he can, its just frustrating that i cant help my parents.

If anyone had any advice or was in a similar situation i'd love to hear from you.

Well we were going thru problems and we took help from debt programmed , but the thing is it also has a fee and it take some time to be accepted in it .other thing is make ur current budget I mean sit down with ur family and make a chart how much u need to survive and how much u need to keep a side for debt payment check out if there is any goverment programme for debt consolidation and how it works and is it good for u , be smart And you will be out of it no time , I will pray for u .