When I Was 5 Years Old I Believed Our Physical Live's Lived In Immortality

Being 5 years old and finding my life at my parents house in Tucson, Arizona from my crib. Being 5 years old, the year would had been 1960. Other than having my Tonsils and Adnoids removed from surgery and treated from a few health problems. I didn't really believe our lives ended. Somehow I was hearing my mother telling me about some people dying and I couldn't comprehend what she was saying. As I ask what that was all about. She was telling me people would have their lives end. I couldn't understand it, because I really felt inside of me, we lived for ever. But for our physical body to not keep going on for ever was very hard for me to understand. When I was told we all die at sometime in our lives. I was scared. I was just noticing my life beginning and to then have it snuffed out. Just never did make any sense to me.  But as the years went on, the evidence of people dying was making itself evidant. That got scarry for me.  When I got pain in my right abdomen at 7. It was horrifing to me to see the Doctor and hear that I had to go into the Hospital for Surgery. I had Appendicitis. I had the Operation and recovered. It was very painful and scarry. I wasn't indoctronated into any spiritual beliefs at the time. Of course my Mother and Step Father did take us to a church (suppositly for doing so.). I had no idea it was about some God stuff. I thought it was like a school and place people wanted to socialize and wanted to talk about history and politics. So everything at the time just went over my head. Nothing as Spiritual or about a God was ever conceived in my mind about all of it. I was uncomfertable about it, because I couldn't understand what the big deal everyone was into. It wasn't interesting to me. I didn't have the grammer or understood the English language much at the time to comprehend anything. The language from adults at the time, was over my head.

At this time. I keep seeing death trying to show me still, that being 55 years old. I still am not going to have immortality as much as I keep wanting perfect health and wanting to stay as young so I can still have more Life time for things. I'm still scared to lose my health. It's on a balancing pole right now and it disturbs me, that my life isn't immortal. How can I begin to accept the decline of my health?  I'm still wanting things I've been waiting my whole life for and to have everthing as my health tries to end it, before I ever have what I've always wanted from this life. Right now I'm feeling my body is not wanting to be cooperating in certain ways. And I don't like it.  I was just thinking of this.. This Afternoon. I live a very slow pace in my life. My pace in life would be similar to those in their mid 20's, if you comparied my experiences with others. I've never had a relationship with a woman in my life. Ever. I have always wanted one. I'm 55 years old now. I'm having some stomach problems arrising now on me and I don't want that ruining my hopes for more future in my life.

ChakraSolipsismMGP ChakraSolipsismMGP
56-60, M
Feb 12, 2010