I am 26 years old, engaged to a wounderful man that I love very much. I sit here in our new house and cry..everyday. When I was growing up I am the 2nd oldest of nine, we had alot of money and my mom was my best friend we did everything together. She had 2 sets of twins in a row so basically I helped her raise them, I was like her right hand man and she loved me more than anything and aways expressed it. She cryed her eyes out at my high school graduation and begged me not to go away to school, she was my rock. When I was 19-20 my dad's business went under and we lost millions along with our home, cottage, and cars. I stopped going to school my mom needed me. As we packed up our things crying the whole time she hugged me and said "at least we still have each other" She died suddenly 2 months later of a blood infection. I was 21, she always told me about life and feelings but I don't think she knew I would have to face this alone. I live in a very upscale community were everyone talks about everyones business. I started to relize the people in my life who were my "Best Friends" we nothing at all. Not having any money, having to raise the rest of the kids, an 8yr old, two 11yrs, two 14yrs, and a 17year old. my so called friends deserted me telling me things like I am two deppressing to be around- well no **** I lost everything I ever knew, my mom and was constanly cooking cleaning, going to school functions, and helping kids with homework while holding down a full-time job to pay for food. I have now gone back to school and I am working part-time, But I have no friends to talk to except my sisters but it's very hard to talk with them about anything because we are at different points in our lives. I have a sister who is 24 but you would think she is 18. I cannot even have a normal conversation with her, she lives off my dad and all she thinks about is what new clothes to buy and the next biggest party and going to the bar. It's hard for me because I remember when I was 22 it was the biggest bar night of the year, I was sitting in the kitchen peeling potatoes for my thanksgiving dinner while everyones getting ready for a fun night out. I think it's hard because I see pictures of the girls who were my friends together having a great time going on trips, and sometimes run into them at the bar I don't really care to talk to them cause they act like I am contaminated and werid cause of what happen. It's so hard not having a girlfriend to talk to and it hurts feeling left out all the time, I miss my mom so much it kills me and not having her here to help me is so hard. I just don't understand why I can't find any good women for friends I work with kids so can't make friends there and school I just want to get it done. What is wronge with me I gave so much just to get slapped in the face. Yes the kids are older now and only call me for money or when they need something, and yes I do it Iam always there for them but truthfully I feel like the only person who cares about me is my fiance. So how do I find some friends and will I always carrie the saddness in my heart of lossing my mom and I know it's been almost 5 years but not a moment goes by where I don't think about her and wish she was here to help me. I will take any advice I can get cause I wish I had someone to talk to.