The Loss

I am 26 years old, engaged to a wounderful man that I love very much. I sit here in our new house and cry..everyday. When I was growing up I am the 2nd oldest of nine, we had alot of money and my mom was my best friend we did everything together. She had 2 sets of twins in a row so basically I helped her raise them, I was like her right hand man and she loved me more than anything and aways expressed it. She cryed her eyes out at my high school graduation and begged me not to go away to school, she was my rock. When I was 19-20 my dad's business went under and we lost millions along with our home, cottage, and cars. I stopped going to school my mom needed me. As we packed up our things crying the whole time she hugged me and said "at least we still have each other" She died suddenly 2 months later of a blood infection. I was 21, she always told me about life and feelings but I don't think she knew I would have to face this alone. I live in a very upscale community were everyone talks about everyones business. I started to relize the people in my life who were my "Best Friends" we nothing at all. Not having any money, having to raise the rest of the kids, an 8yr old, two 11yrs, two 14yrs, and a 17year old. my so called friends deserted me telling me things like I am two deppressing to be around- well no **** I lost everything I ever knew, my mom and was constanly cooking cleaning, going to school functions, and helping kids with homework while holding down a full-time job to pay for food. I have now gone back to school and I am working part-time, But I have no friends to talk to except my sisters but it's very hard to talk with them about anything because we are at different points in our lives. I have a sister who is 24 but you would think she is 18. I cannot even have a normal conversation with her, she lives off my dad and all she thinks about is what new clothes to buy and the next biggest party and going to the bar. It's hard for me because I remember when I was 22 it was the biggest bar night of the year, I was sitting in the kitchen peeling potatoes for my thanksgiving dinner while everyones getting ready for a fun night out.  I think it's hard because I see pictures of the girls who were my friends together having a great time going on trips, and sometimes run into them at the bar I don't really care to talk to them cause they act like I am contaminated and werid cause of what happen. It's so hard not having a girlfriend to talk to and it hurts feeling left out all the time, I miss my mom so much it kills me and not having her here to help me is so hard. I just don't understand why I can't find any good women for friends I work with kids so can't make friends there and school I just want to get it done. What is wronge with me I gave so much just to get slapped in the face. Yes the kids are older now and only call me for money or when they need something, and yes I do it Iam always there for them but truthfully I feel like the only person who cares about me is my fiance. So how do I find some friends and will I always carrie the saddness in my heart of lossing my mom and I know it's been almost 5 years but not a moment goes by where I don't think about her and wish she was here to help me. I will take any advice I can get cause I wish I had someone to talk to.
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10 Responses Jan 18, 2008

Sorry , this is new to me. You are doing much more than I could do at your age. You should be very proud of that.

I feel for you . But i can be your friend and represent all helping you to carry on write me and one more thing that i have for you is work hard stand on your feet and face your challenges i bet you must win and all that your friend will come back Boeing for you.

I'm sorry, I know what how your feeling. Be strong, one day you will find the reason why this is happen in your life. keep grateful. :-)

Im sorry you have all that on your plate. My mom and i werent really close. I mean, we got closer after i moved out but then she left. i have no friends and my boyfriend isnt all that concerned about me. my family says im a basket case. they all try n make me talk but they all have other people to talk to about this. i have noone. all my friends either left this ****** town or just dont really give a ****. i know deeply how it feels to have noone there. the majority of my day i sit at home by myself, thinking. this is the first time ive actually opened up about everything instead of writing it down and never showing anyone.

I felt really sad reading your story...... I am sorry you went through all of that, it must be so hard. I am kind of in the same place.... I never lost money or anything either I have always felt separated from the rest of society though.... I can see why you would for sure... I have no man in my life and moved to a small town where I dont know anybody... So It has been quite a lonely year, I take a long time making friends lol I have a hard time relating to people too. If you ever need someone to talk to hit me up. I never really had girlfriends either, I noticed at a young age how catty things got so I avoided those friendships and now I am sad because I have missed out on the good times while trying to avoid the few bad times...

I didnt realize this was an older post haha so you and your fiance didnt work out? Damn people are messed up huh lol I hope one day children can grow up in a society they know for a fact every person they meet is willing to help.. Whatever happened to people caring about eachother... Children are taught the world is a loving place then they get a smack in the face at 18... Most do anyways... I did!

Well your story is amazing, I thought I should say that first. Your not supposed to be looking for friends, your supposed to let them look for you. I have the same issue as you I have my family, but talking to them is not the same as talking to someone outside my home who knows how I feel. I can't talk to my sisters either even though one of them went through the same exact issue as I have, but its hard to talk to them because I feel as though what I say goes in one ear and out the other. I know I'm young but I'm very mature for my age, so if you ever need someone to talk to message me anytime!

Dear, i wont say i have much experience to say anything to you, but you know what sweetie,in life if have a one single person who cares about us and loves us, life is worth living for. Although i know what it is like not to have a women as friend, its like you dont have anyon to confide in and share all the little thing which make you happy, which make you sad and make you wonder. I hope you will find agoo friend soon and i must say after seeing how much you have done for your siblings, your a good person.

You I don't think I am the best person to advice you with your ongoing struggle, but I hope I can be your friend through this EP, I hope I can be your good listener when you need somebody to share your pains and stories with.<br />
Death and separations are constant parts of life, these things happen for a purpose, and I 'm sure these situations are to make as a strong and better person.<br />
I really understand that even though we have a lot of friends whom we can share with, but its different when we can share to those people who understands our situation and can sympathize with what we are going through. We need some words and company who can be our source of strength and consolation. Life is at times so tough and hard, to some extent even ears and shoulders to comfort us are difficult to look for, I hope I can be a friend whom you can rely on, but I understand friendship is not something being created, but rather it is build. I hope with my reply, we can start a path of friendship.<br />
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sincerely, sil

It really does seem like a difficult life situation will show you who your friends really are!

Sorry to read that your in a horrible place at the moment i do know how you feel. I told my guy at the time and you know he helped me so much he went places with me until i got to know people and i still have them as friends.(not the guy anymore)