What Happened

I was 18 when it happened. My mom had been sick for years on and off due to her excessive drinking habit. I was used to seeing her drunk by 8 a.m. and passed out on the couch by 8p.m. Her drinking problem is the reason why my dad left her when i was 2 or 3. My dad says he hit rock bottom and was drunkenly asking god to relieve him. As soon as he stood up, he said it felt like a ton of weight had been lifted from his shoulder. He hasnt had a drink ever sense. I wish i could say the same for my ma. She never listened to us when we asked her or screamed for her to stop. My mom started to get sick in 09 or 10 when i was moving in with my boyfriend. Me and her got along SO MUCH BETTER now that i wasnt living with her. I remember how happy she looked when she'd pick me up everyweekend to help her go shopping and clean her house. At that point she had started collecting fluids in her legs and abdomin. Its like she knew her time was comming so she wanted to make the time me and her spent together something i'd love and miss forever. Skipping ahead_ Late sept i found out she was back at the hospital because she wasnt able to get herself to and from the bathroom(my brother and step dad had to carry her). I forgot what it was but for some reason i was so busy i couldnt make it to see her till october 2. But now i know i couldve made the time to see her before then cuz by oct2, she had had a stoke causing damage to the left side of her brain(contolling her speach, writting, and movements from the left side of her body). So when i finally went to see her, she wasnt really there. That didn't look like my mom. her mouth hung open and she just muttered. She could still make eye contact. I know that cuz she kept looking right up at me as i was crying and her eyes started getting watery and she really started mubling then, as if she was somewhat there and didnt want me to hurt the way i was hurting. i told hher i loved her and it took her a couple seconds but she said it back to me the best she could. Those were the last words i heard her say. When i went up the next day, she was completly gone. She couldnt make eye contact or anything. my brother zach said i loved you to her and i could see him just waiting for a response but when he didnt he looked up at me and walked out. My sister ashley stayed the night with her. Ma and ash never got along. Mom treated her like dirt and never forgave her for a single thing she did. Right before mom went in to the hospital that last time, i yelled at her and told her she needed to finally forgive ashley and be there for her like a mother should be. That following weekend her and ash went garage salling together and according to ashley "had a blast". But then mom left for good. I'm glad ash got her chance to be with mom before she died. The night :that ash stayed the night at the hospital with mom, at 12:47 am ma died. i dont think ill ever forgive myself for what i put her through.
TMarie2192 TMarie2192
18-21, F
May 16, 2012