Perfect

Its not always easy to know what God's plan is for our lives. After much careful prayer and meditation, I still don't have a clue what my father in heaven has in store for me. I have been through a lot in these 35 years on earth. Not saying that I'm any different from anyone else. I'm positive that many people had it much worse than me.
Sometimes I hate that I'm such an emotional person and that when I hurt, I hurt so deeply it's physical. I feel other people's pain. I sometimes dream of having a lot of money and how many people I could help with that money. I wouldnt go crazy with it, Im used to making do with a little. Besides I firmly believe that greed of money is the root of all evil. Jesus didnt have a lot of money but He sure made a difference! So, no, money is not neccesarly the answer. I wish I could be more like Jesus.
Maybe I'm here to change just one person's life. Maybe I have already done that and don't even know it yet. Or maybe I'm here because I needed to give birth to a child that would make a difference in the world.
I believe we aren't supposed to know everything. I'm keeping a mental list to ask God when I get to heaven. Mama said that when I get to heaven none of that stuff will matter anyway because I will be overcome by the perfection of it all.
How I long to be with my Father in heaven. He is the only one who even comes close to understanding me. And he made me perfect, even though I am easily hurt, cry alot, and am pretty screwed up in a lot of ways....I'm perfect because He made me.
So I'll probably never know what God's plan for me is, but I do know that whatever it is, it is perfect.






(this isnt really a story, just me rambling along)