Long Ago But Never Forgotten

I am a married professional female, age 52. My mother was an alcoholic and my stepfather was also an abusive alcoholic. From grade school age till around 7th grade, my punishment for anything was to be taken up to my parents' bedroom, told to take off my pants and panties, and be spanked on my little bottom by my stepfather's hand. From 7th grade through college, for any punishment ranging from bad grades, staying out after curfew etc., I was taken to their bedroom and told to remove my pants and panties. My stepfather would then take off his belt and strap me. One time in college, I came home with my boyfriend late after a party, and my stepfather marched me up to his bedroom and told me to undress. I pleaded to him to let me keep my clothes on. Instead he made pull down my jeans and undies and stradle a big pillow on the bed . He then proceeded to whip my bare bottom terribly. Luckily my boyfriend was told to leave before the beating began. I was never so humilated in my life! I refused to ever lower my pants again, but the beatings continued till I left home....never to return. My mother and stepfather are long gone, but the pain, guilt, hate, and humilation will never go away.