I Wish I Knew Then What I Know Now

Regrets

By: Endomorph

Written on July 26th, 2012

I've always loved to watch a good interviewer sit down and talk to a seasoned celebrity or honored individual who never does interviews. One question that inevitably comes up is, "Do you have any regrets?"

I know I do. I've made disasterous career moves--and sometimes, on the job I got too involved in all the drama when I should have kept my mind on only the work! I've trusted the wrong people. I've smoked too much and drank too much. I failed to stay in shape and take care of myself as I should have. I've let great friendships and great people fall by the wayside in my life, only to end up in the lonely place I'm in now. Oh, and let's not forget, "I wish I would have applied myself harder in school and I wished I would have saved more money!" I'm a common man and this list of regrets is painfully ordinary, I think.

I know that we can't change the past. I know that all we have is today. I know that all my mistakes have formed a better person somehow, but right now I'm just not seeing it. Those celebrities who have the audacity to look back on their lives and sit there and say that they have a life of no regrets are fools if you ask me. I just don't see how that's possible.

I know that this story sounds like one big pity party and it is. I wish I could say that I'm going to pick myself up and everything will eventually fall into place. I do know that right now, there are dishes in the sink. I think I'll wrap up this story and do those. It's not a story ending with a flourish, but it isn't a bad start....

By: Endomorph

Age: 46-50 , Male

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13 responses

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sumnerkagan

LOL Endomorph! In some of our other conversations you seem to assume that I'm different somehow... I'm not! Your second paragraph could apply as much to me as to you, except perhaps that I'm a few months ahead recovery-wise :P
You're fine, dude. It'll all be good, you'll see... ;)

Nov 28, 2012
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  Endomorph
  A few months? Try lightyears!--lol Thanks for the encouragement, my friend!
  
  Nov 28, 2012
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  sumnerkagan
  nah I just talk a better game... I'm down in it with the rest o' godz chillun.
  the poem "Fern Hill" by Dylan Thomas says it all...
  
  Nov 28, 2012
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  sumnerkagan
  A mere 5 years ago I was a barfly living with my parents and working in a bookstore having inappropriate relationships with co-workers and girls half my age and "spending all my money on cigarettes and honey" - with a few lean days right before each paycheck, a boss who hated me, and nobody's respect but the women I briefly charmed and some kids who thought I was cool. No plans, no money, and barely enough self-control to keep from getting jailed or killed in some idiotic way. Drunk or high all the time and dwelling on my failures when I wasn't compulsively chasing sex. I mean, it wasn't ALL bad but it was as close to rock bottom as I ever want to go... I got lucky and met a great woman who goaded me and provided an incentive to get my act together, that's all...
  
  Nov 29, 2012
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Beachyguy

Good Morning my friend, this is a very interesting story that you have written!!!! I am glad to read farther down that you are in a better place now!!! That is wonderful!!! I feel a lot this way myself, and some days I feel like a pity party for a few minutes, then I think that looking back at the problems that I have created for myself aren't doing me any favors today, so I try to dismiss those thoughts from yesteryear, and concentrate on today, and the happier days to come!!!! Good luck to you in the future my friend!!! :)

Nov 28, 2012
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  Endomorph
  One think that I like about you is that your boisterous enthusiasm really comes through in your writing! Thanks for the wishes for luck and happiness. I guess I have to realize that life will be the best of times and worst of times--but, it's always good to know that friends will be there through both!
  
  Nov 28, 2012
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MagHeartGuy

don't be sad buddy its all God's ways to test you. :)

Aug 18, 2012
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  Endomorph
  Your right of course, but I'd rather not be led into temptation and be delivered from evil without me having to lift a finger!--lol I was in a bad place when I wrote this, but I am better now. One of my idols, Dr. Claire Weekes wrote that people like me have three good friends--courage, occupation, and religion. I ditched occupation that day and stories like this were the result! Thanks for reading it, however--it shows the extent that emotions can truly see-saw in this life.
  
  Aug 18, 2012
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lifeisaparadox

Hi Endomorph,

The problem is that hindsight vision is always 20/20.

Placed back in the same situation, with the same Me and everything that I had stood for, I would have still done it the same way. No change to that, and I am the better for it.

Better... whether it is the lessons learnt about dietary or lifestyle choices. Or the maturity that comes from a lost relationship. Or the sobering sting of a mistake.

It also helps that once life has had its way, we are in the best position to see how the dots have connected up. The seemingly pointless deadend job; an impetus for self-improvement. Or the blessings through friends, online or otherwise, that have kept us going.

Learn from the bitter days; brush away those salty pearls of perspiration and treasure those sweet memories and friends when life gets a tad bit sour. Or just think of little kids all puckered with a citric punch of lemony torture.

=D

Love,

lifeisaparadox

Jul 26, 2012
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  Endomorph
  Your comment here is truly a thing of beauty that I will read and re-read in my days ahead, God willing. It occurs to me that my own face "puckered with a citric punch of lemony torture" would be even funnier than any child's. Therein lies the wisdom of your response--perhaps I ought to stop taking myself so seriously! Thank you again for a masterpiece of commentary.
  
  Jul 26, 2012
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Thatsmystyle77

Its all just temporary.. the way ur spirit burns will sure keep u happy.. :)

Jul 26, 2012
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  Endomorph
  I know that you are right. Like ocean waves reaching a beach, these feelings come--and they go. Thanks for commenting, but even more, thanks for caring.
  
  Jul 26, 2012
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  Thatsmystyle77
  U are welcome my friend.. =)
  
  Jul 26, 2012
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