I Wish I Knew Who I Was.....

Ive been diagnosed w/ a personality d/o. I have been in denial for months now - not wanting to face the raw truth of what i have to work on here. I took some time off work and did some soul seeking and realized that i change personalities to adjust to pain or displeasure in my life and every time something goes the wrong way. I create this new and wonderful person that doesn't care about the old one. The hardest part is that most people in my life never fit the new mold i have made for myself , or so i think and i write them off... mainly men... This is hard because in the midst of it --who am i ??-- if i constantly re invent me then who was i to begin with? I could answer that question if i knew when it all began but i don't ... it was long ago.  Reaching an end to my on going nightmare seems hopeless.

Topping off all my madness I was also told recently that I am bi polar. That answers why I am up and down- all over the place. Yet depressing, feeling like Im becoming less and less of a person. Drowning in my own ****** up baggage.

26-30, F
4 Responses Nov 30, 2006

I can relate although I imagine having bp disorder on top of the other disorder makes things even more difficult. I constantly feel like I am reinventing myself and have lost many of my close friends because of it.. I tend to adopt the personality traits of whoever I am hanging out around at the time. It gets tireing never feeling like you know who you are. I'm insecure and it makes my relationships hard. so I can definitely relate to what hyoure going through and all I can say is keep workin through it. It does get better you just have to work through it. Maybe us bpd people have to stick together

Seek professional help. Find a real friend. Stop. Think about who you REALLY are(easier said than done). Ask your family if they know what happened to you. Seek spiritual assistance. Study Bi-Polorism. If your meds don't work get your Doc to change them.<br />
<br />
You need to try to correct ONE of your disorders at a time.<br />
Don't stop looking into your disorders.<br />
Learn about them from your Doctor and WebMD.com and realize that you CAN beat this mess. Do not stop counseling!!!!

This must be incredibly difficult for you. Don't give up on yourself. Sometimes you're the only person you can count on. Can I ask you what disorder it is? I've been feeling for a long time now (like years) that I might have such a disorder. I'd really like to learn more :D

I understand what you are going through. Please don't give up, if you try hard enough, this too shall pass. For what it is worth, you deserve to be happy.