Impossible Ideal

Do I have an impossible ideal set for myself to live up to?  I think I do in a lot of ways.  I think I am greater than I am at times and I think that I am shittier than I am as well and never get to the center of who it is that I really am.  I am constantly on the see-saw of understanding who it is that I am.  I will never be able to balance the see-saw if I don’t change some ideas in the way that I think.  I think the major factor to balancing this teetering see-saw is confidence.  I completely lack confidence.  I am going to say that again because it is so true.  I completely lack confidence.  But the thing is I don’t really have any reason to lack confidence.  I am a successful person.  I might not be as successful as my impossible ideal of who it is that I am or that I want to be, but I am successful enough for Me.  And that is all that matters at the end of the day when my head hits the pillow is to know that I am as successful as I can be.  And if I am not as successful as I can be than I have no one to blame but Me.  I can’t go to sleep with the thought that I am not living up to my impossible ideal because I will never become that person.  And if I do go to sleep with that thought in my head, I will forever be in a dream...even after waking up; I will still be living a dream.  But I want reality.  The question is how do I get reality?

jah1013 jah1013
22-25, M
Jul 1, 2007