I Would Have Loved To Have A Child

In my twenties I had no real desire to be a mother, but by my thirties I had totally changed my outlook and started to feel a longing when friends or work colleagues became pregnant, and started their families. I met my soulmate at age 35 and despite trying for a family, nothing happened. We found out later that the chemo he had before we met had probably made him sterile. If you read my story "I still miss him", it tells of the despair I felt after he died when his cancer came back, and so I went for many years without a partner. The thing is, when I did start dating again, most of the men my age had been in relationships and completed their family, the guy I first met had 4 kids and so had a vasectomy, which is the case with my current partner. He is divorced with 3 adult children and has also had a vasectomy. I have also gone through the "change" and so now I will never be a Mum.

As I have no brothers and sisters, I cannot even be an Aunt to any nieces or nephews. So I am forever the "single 50 something, never married and never had kids" . I have studied community health and psychology to degree level, but still I am not taken seriously when commenting on child care/health issues because "I haven't experienced motherhood", which is like another hurt. I hear the way some parents speak to their children, some with what borders on hatred, and I just wish I could tell them how lucky they are to have a beautiful, healthy child. I would have loved to be a Mum
Fredricka Fredricka
51-55, F
May 9, 2012