Wishes That Will Never Come True

I just wish i was a woman so bad these days and it's been like this for years now, sometimes its not so bad and sometimes its the only thing i can think about. When i go shopping i just feel like crying in the men's clothing departments, its all just so freaking boring! I want to wear cuddly cute things and beautiful dresses, gorgeous shoes, and wonderful accessories. But... seems i was born a man (in body anyways) so i'm stuck... don't really feel like being some hideous creature in a womans clothes either... The only way i can really cope now is to window shop online, just getting some beautiful wristbands and some cute items i can wear without to much attention, dressing at home isn't enough anymore.

Its a really hard life, filled with such envy, i get so jealous of all the girls and their beauty, their curves, their giggle, everything about them.

I have a girlfriend now too, she happens to be Thai and they are usually very liberal about these things so when it came up in a conversation one time i told her my deepest feelings, she didn't accept and told me to never mention it again. It hurt me a lot but i really can't blame her for that.

I think we will eventually break up over this cause i can't keep this hidden, it gets stronger everyday and i can't change who i am. At least she says she don't mind getting another sister so i know we will be friends, suppose that's some comfort, she is the only friend i have after years of anxiety and depression so i really don't want to loose her.

Thanks for listening, just need to vent a little
Trigen Trigen
36-40, M
Oct 25, 2013