The Best Decision For My Parents And I Would Have Been Abortion

Most people are made very, very uncomfortable by this statement. Even my best friend, one of the most pro-choice people I've ever met was visibly uncomfortable when I said this. Anti-choicers can hardly stand hearing this. You can see their heads imploding and I always have to go through the same explanation. Not everyone understand, of course. They're used to hearing pseudo inspiring stories about people whose mothers considered abortions, then they became sports stars and contributed nothing to the world. It's difficult to hear the other side of the story.

A lot of people think that saying I wish I was aborted means I'm suicidal or I hate being alive. This isn't quite true. I've been suicidal, after some pretty awful circumstances- abandonment, abuse, on and off homelessness, turning to prostitution in order to survive, sexual assaults... but my life has taken a positive turn. I'm married to a great man, living in an extremely expensive house in California, and I'm coming to terms with my past.

Wishing I had been aborted doesn't mean I want to die. It just means I wish my mother had made the choice that would have given everyone better options. Both my mother and my father grew up in conservative Christian households. When my mother got knocked up in high school they did what they thought they were supposed to do- they got married before I was born. My father gave up a scholarship to start working to buy a house and support us. My mother never finished high school. And like most teenage marriages, they ended up getting divorced. My mother had no education and after my father ran off she tried to completely support us as on a Walmart job. She resented motherhood and she resented the loss of her teenage years. She drank too much, slept with too many men (and didn't bother to conceal it), and went out too much, and didn't always get a babysitter. She didn't know how to be responsible, and got overwhelmed, angry, and anxious easily, which meant she would snap or say abusive things, usually when I needed her most.

I'm a realistic person. I know the odds were against me when I was born. I know I've had to swim upstream almost all my life, and will probably still grapple with the trauma of my childhood for years and years to come. I know I've had to work extra hard and suffer much more just to achieve an average life. I also know that adoption doesn't always make things easier, and adopted children often suffer the same troubles and complexes that children of teen mothers do. So I'm very aware that to give the best chance for everyone involved- for my mother, father, and even me- my mother should have had an abortion. She might have made a good mother if she had been given a chance to grow up and get her life together before having children, but she didn't, out of a sense of obligation, not love or want.
cephaloscotti cephaloscotti
26-30, F
Sep 8, 2012