Dark Dreams

I ask for so little..... some rain maybe. I dream of things so old. I loved her 15 years ago, she was my first, she was so perfect. I left her.... I am a fool and I dream of death. Sometimes I feel like an angsty teenager - but I am far beyond that. This pain is real. I know everyone will go in the end. I will have no one left to hold on to. It is not loneliness I fear. I live in memories - thats all.... and I wear them out, every day I get closer to them being lost forever. These experiences don't mean anything. I make more banal ones every day. Nothing matters - I don't feel anything anymore. I have tried shutting this meat machine off often..... there is always someone there to "rescue" me. There is no truth. Our dreams mean nothing. I see her blue eyes and I know I am nothing and worse.
Are there any stars left in the sky? Any points of light worth raging for... worth fading into? I know I am alone and always will be. Do you? We have no choice, even when we touch we are forever separated by the flesh. God I wish I could love..... one last kiss before I go, before this clay becomes cold. Fall is so far away.... I see no reason to continue this charade.
Why can't I let go? Sometimes.... most of the time..... I wish I was dead.
menschfeind menschfeind
26-30
1 Response Jul 30, 2010

Good evening Anachel,<br />
Many beautiful photographs on that link, thank you!<br />
It used to feel like there was so much beauty in this world my heart would be overrun.... now things have rolled over, the moon dims as if by a veil, and all that is good seems vitiated by the sin-wrecked orbs that are my eyes.... Death's putrification no longer seems purifying - rather it has been hijacked and become a polluted darkness, soiled by man and his gluttony. Blah, I say to much as usual.<br />
Still, I will deeply enjoy these pictures brought by your Grace, none-the-less. <br />
~Menschfeind