Where To Start?

I'm a 33 yr old nobody who lives at home with his parents. I used to work but now my back hurts so bad and has for so long I don't even want to live anymore. All the doctors say the same thing, "you need surgery, but it's a 30-40% chance it would help and would probably make you worse, so stay on the meds and keep doing your exercises." Total bullshit!
PILLS! They start as a lifeline relieving your pain and end up as a noose controlling your life. What do you do when you need the pills because you're in such pain? What do you do when you don't take them for fun, you hate taking them, but you must? Eight weeks of intensive physical therapy I now find out I have to pay for did nothing! My damn primary doctor is 600 years old and doesn't remember that he sent me to four specialists already, always asking the same questions! Now he's bitching at me to go to a pain management doctor, well I called them and they want to perform all kinds of tests and treatments costing lots of money. When I informed them I have no insurance and very little money suddenly my condition wasn't so interesting anymore. I don't understand it, I cry myself to sleep and cry myself awake when I do sleep. I just want help! None of it makes sense. Why are you educated throughout an eight hour school day starting at five to six years old? A critical thinking, materially detached, and spiritually free individual is not wanted in the world. What is wanted, what is needed are legions of loyal, obedient workers educated in the love of materialism. You are trained from a child to accept at the very least, an eight hour, five day workweek through your schedule of “education,” which really means brainwashing.
You are expected to be educated, married, procreating, and working all within the artificially constructed time frame created by the artificial society. The purpose? You are to create fake revenue, for a fake political construct, to uphold the very fake society that wishes you dead when you can no longer, or will no longer be a slave to their false currency.
As a warning, should you choose to live by your reason and heart, rejecting fake attachments and religious or political-social constructs, you will be hated, by friend and family alike. The source of wisdom will also be the object of judgment made by the brainwashed slaves of any given society.
Every government, no matter the reason given for its existence, cannot justify or explain away the fact that it exists solely to broker in the suffering and pillage of its people. You can put a ribbon on **** and call it gold, it's still ****.
Something that is not shameful in private is only shameful when brought into public because of this history of training and brainwashing. Going back to the “saints,” as they did not call themselves pilgrims. When they crossed an ocean to bring their god and disease, which are one and the same, their belief was destruction to the new world's original inhabitants. The natives, who had lived in perfect cynical harmony with their environment were crushed by the self proclaimed order, freedom, politics, and religion of these “saints.” The so called pilgrims brought their hell to heaven. They are but one small example illustrating the mind of man the world over. Man cannot step into heaven with his filthy, mud covered, **** smelling boots.
I want no part of it, any of it. Life or death, all the same. Rich or poor is in the rich man's mind, as it is known when in a rich man's home the only proper place to spit is in his face.
Take your "life" and shove it up your ***, I want no part of it!
I am nobody and that is all I have to say. Just because I cannot live this life, does not mean you should feel the same way. I wish you only the best whether you share my ancient feelings of detached cynicism or not. I am trapped in this prison of a body, I cannot do it anymore. May the fortunes smile upon you, don't forget us in the shadow . ;)
An Ep User An EP User
1 Response Jan 14, 2013

I feel like a lamb on way to the slaughter sometimes. I'm working a job I despise for the benefits so I can see a chiro to keep the migraines away. I still feel like I'm drowning in debt at 24. Not the same though I know and I wish you the best