My Son Is Dead

My son died when he was 47 days old. His twin lived. I can't focus - my therapist made go to the ER to be admitted in a psych ward but i just felt worse. My in-laws blame me for everything. My husband doesn't seem to help. I feel isolated - I know I am not. I have fanasties of pulling my car to a service stop and stuffing the exhaust pipe or doing the same thing in my parking gargage.
ken48255 ken48255
31-35, F
3 Responses Jan 22, 2013

Please don't do anything silly, we all have times when we get really down I know loosing a child must be the hardest thing ever and I can't imagine what your going through. But you need to be there for your other child they need you. I know you may not believe it now but time is a healer and the love you will get from your other child will help you through this sad time.

the only thing you should be stuffing is your inlaws :) you're focus should only be on your baby and your wellbeing, people who make you feel the way you feel should not matter, R.I.P to your angel baby and hope you'll find the strength to fight your pain of losing a child and to raise your baby. BE STRONG

Don't do that, please. Sometimes life is hard and there's hardly much we can do about certain things but the most important thing is to live on. As human beings we're supposed to struggle and you should never forget to appreciate the things you have, so treasure your son that is with you now, and think of your other son from now and then whilst hoping and wishing for the best for him. If you have a religious bond then pray for him but I want you to know this: your son's death is NOT your fault and you are an amazing mother, that's why you shouldn't let anyone blame you for it. I don't really know the details but if u feel that it was your fault then you need to know that the past is not changeable and what happened, happened but you need to live on, move on, not only for your own sake but for your son and don't shy away with your feelings in front of your husband. Its okay to breakdown sometimes, tell him you need him, that you want him to hold, to tell you that things are going to be better. Ask him!! Crying and mourning is part of the healing process. If he's not able to do that for you, seek that from your close friends and family. I hope this helped you out but please don't go through with it.

Regards

Caring Anonymous