I Wish I Was Dead

do u will die for the one you love?
love its funny word.love its just a pain love its just a game.
yes im 36 years old and still no love.
the first love it's funny even before i knew this girl every time i was driving by her house i was looking at her house like something there .2 month later i met her.
we were dating like a year.one day i hung up my self and woke up later on laying down on the floor.the girl got married right away after we broke she got back to her ex . the sec one i got married for really short time like 30 days maybe but she was crazy with alot issues smoking ,drinking hunging with every guy she meet and sleeping with.even the f... cab driver they use to smoke together. she use to call him everytime she need aride.untill one day she told me after they was smoking on her way home with him.he show her his d....
got divorce i could not deal with it.it was to much for me .we try to work on it but nothing i could not trust her anymore .she got married with some guy she knew him like a week 2 days later she want to get divorce, few month later her husband call telling me she cry every night and she want to come back to me .he ask me to help him .i told him to tell her that i have new gf or anything he want i just dont want to someone get divorce for me .today they have a babygirl.the 3 it was really short long distance it was nice and good but she cheat on me she was still in touch with her ex and she say its jwas nothing with me.the 4 ,5,6,i dont know anymore it was short hurt less not like the other.my last girl its funny how i met her.i was out off job and my first time i go to get massage it was late around 7 30 pm .she was on her way home her boss call her to tell her come back.the first time i saw her i was going like WOW after she gave me massage no happy ending for who ever thinking. i want there every day to get massage just to know her.month later since we come close i got a new car (i didnt own a car b4 .i got it so i can take her home every night when she done to work) just to hung out with her few more min .she is so beautiful chines .she ....was something special on day we went out with her cousin and friend of my to downtown .this day was beautiful and magic .on my way back form our date (during the day time. i realise that i miss her allready .i call her and ask her to see her again .in the evening we watch movie in the car .i really didnt care what we did all i want is to be with her.time pass i want crazy for her give her anything she ask for .i am sorry but i cant keep going all those beautiful memo hurting me .two weeks after we broke she telling me she got a new boyfriend chines and they going to get marriend in dec .i felf like someone stub me in my heart .just for the recorrd a week before we broke up i took her the last 3 day to doctor even hospital er he was sick cold spending like6 hour with them no food .and this is the thanks i got .I AM F..TIRED OF THIS LIFE WHAT I DID WRONG HUH BE MR NICE GUY OR LOVE SOME1 i know she was asking me all this time to marry her but i didnt because something stop me i was scared .i am sorry i really i cant do it anymore .every night before i go to sleep i ask g-d i dont even now belive in him to not wake me up.i want to kill my self but i dont want to hurt my mom and my dad. i dont answer any calls from no one since the day we broke even not with my family.i dont have a job anymore my friend set me up with some work i did he put some weed in my truck when i was away from my truck (i work b4 as truck driver ) like 90 lb this is what the cops told me .still working on the case.i am on hold .i some times saying if they say i need do time .it will be the time for me to say good bae to everyone .
i want back to my old job but this time working in the office ,which i quite because i work like 80 hours a week and all i ask is to have my day off on monday so i can be with my girl but no no he wont give me that (80 hours for f..$600 a week) the end no girl no job no money and just wishing to die.
and not waking up anymore....NOW i just hunging there.
notingtolivefor notingtolivefor
26-30
Dec 7, 2012