I'm Tired

I have been battling drug addiction struggling to self medicate a thyroid condition. I've tried everything. I quit taking pain pills four days ago and I want to die. I am in so much pain I can't stand it. My boyfriend says I'm crazy, or I just want drugs. I have not been able to get off couch for a week. I can't eat. I quit showering. Its awful. i can't move. I can't see the endin sight, My tolerance to drugs and alcohol is so much I can't feel it. Too much pain. The depression and pain makes it impossible to do the simplest tasks; evryone says THIS TOO SHALL PASS. I've waited ten years fopr that it wont and thats that. Am I being selfish? Why won't they let me go? To live like this is NOT LIVING
tootired73 tootired73
36-40
2 Responses Dec 15, 2012

you realize living like that is not living, that is the first step. What you need is supportive people in your life and to get clean. It can be hard to go to a rehab center but you know it is the best choice for yourself. Do not self medicate, if you need a medicine your doctor can tell you that and prescribe the one(s) that you need. Though I have never been an addict I've known many who were and I can tell you there is hope at a better life but you have to help yourself. I know it will be a long, hard journey but never give up! Just keep fighting for a better life.

I feel your pain, no really I do, I too have been fighting that battle for approx 10 years, my drug of choice has always been morphine, my tolerance is crazy high, no joke, I will take 1000mgs at one time of extended relief morphine sulphate and chew them up, and act normal, no more sickness or itching when I take them, I am hooked for sure, been thru the withdrawals probably 20 times and I always come back knowing what it will lead too. It is so horrible and nobody knows how bad it feels, the sickness, the c ramps, chills, you know it just sucks and I can't do anything, if his is now people feel without drugs then I don't want to live cuz this life sucks. Why can't I just hav as many pills as I want if it helps me be happy and make it thru this ****** thing we call life? It's my choice, I would rather be high and happy and die you get than to be miserable and live longer, makes sense huh mother *******.