It's Not Fair

I can't be dead. I have to be here. My mom died when I was 16 and I have 3 kids, so I don't have a choice. I have to be here for them. I just wish it wouldn't hurt people if I did it. Sucks that relieving your own pain permanently ***** so many people up permanently. I just want to scream. I started cutting again because I don't know what else to do. My husband said if I cut anymore he's going to put me back in the hospital. I won't go. I'll just cut in the same place.
fateanddestiny fateanddestiny
36-40, F
3 Responses Aug 11, 2007

I share many of the same feelings you've expressed here... Hugs...

The pain comes from so deep inside. From my childhood. In counseling they always say the little girl in you needs to express herself and feel safe to do so. Well, what guarantees my safety??? NOTHING. He is still out there and is a monster. There is no stopping him

Where do you think the pain comes from? Your other stories certainly hint at some intense trauma in your past.<br />
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And what sort of things have you tried to relieve the pain that have failed before?