Can't It Be Enough To Just Be Myself?

Can't anyone like me for me? I'm not even asking them to love me...just like me...accept me.

My family takes every chance they can to point out my flaws and compare me to others to are more the ideal children or ideal humans. My friends...I don't even know if they really like me. I suspect they keep me around to make them selves feel better. Like, they say to themselves, "I know thing s are bad right now but thank god/at least I'm not her." I don't know about you but that doesn't sound good to me.

As far as relationships go (bf's and gf's), anyone who seemed to want to be more then "just friends" with me was never happy with me. They tried to change me. They complained about me and made me feel bad about aspects of my personality that by then were/are so ingrained into me that there is no way I could even think of changing...I wouldn't know where to begin. Now, and this is the part of my life that keeps me up at night with guilt and worry and anxiety, I finally meet someone who make me happy, even if he is just a friend, and our whole friendship is based on lies...my lies.

I had to lie. If I didn't there was no way he would have ever spoken to me otherwise. There weren't many lies, just a couple. But those lies can change everything if they come out. I know he wouldn't like me anymore...and not just because I lied but because the real me is a boring, embarrassing, pathetic waste of time and space.

I just want to be liked for who I really am. I want to be liked when I'm quite, when I'm shy, when I'm childish (in a good and bad way), even when I'm a bit moody. I want someone to be okay with me saying "I don't know"  as an answer to things. I want someone who is okay with the way I look. Someone who is ok with me wanting to spend all my time at the beach or in the sun. Someone who will be okay with me venting like a mad woman when I have a bad day. Someone who will be okay with me when all I want to do is sit there. Even if this person is just a friend I want them to be okay with me. I don't want them to change me. I want to know just being me is good enough.

netgurl netgurl
18-21, F
3 Responses Mar 4, 2010

ur bf thinksu r good enough i love u hunny

Hi netgurl, hey I hear you! My attitude is the same, I've said in the past that I'm not going to pretend to be something I'm not so people will like me. If people don't like me for who or what I am then I'd rather not know them. Everybody (including you and I) is unique and have a need to be liked and accepted as they are.<br />
Sincerely: Mal

Tell that to my family...and my ex's