Great Singer, But No Drive

On the surface I probably look like someone who has it all. I get to sing the National Anthem at major sporting events, have a wonderful husband and a good job and I am physically attractive. Don't get me wrong I am not gorgeous, just easy on the eyes. But there has always been this lingering sorrow that has always prevented me from really going after my dreams. Just when it seems I get close, I pull back and I imagine everyone hates me or sees me as a fraud. This may stem from having a weak relationship with my parents, as I was raised to believe that everyone else was better than me. I was told on a regular basis that I was ugly, stupid and an embarrassment and was frequently compared to other kids. Today it mom recently praised another anthem singer even though (not to sound arrogant) I was probably equal or better. Ok I am all over the place here, but I am just so down today. It's weird, I believe in myself as a singer, but I always fear people won't like me and it keeps me from really sticking with other musical avenues. Now I feel I am getting too old. I don't have any kids of my own, but the biological clock that I feel ticking revolves around music. I about had a breakdown the other day when I realized that a major NY venue wasn't calling me because some younger girl was singing there. It freaked me out like OMG I am done. Anyway, thanks for listening. I just had to vent. If anyone else out there feels the way I do I would love to hear your story. I know we are unique in a lot of ways, but so similar on many levels. Happy 4th :)
SweetSadness SweetSadness
41-45, F
Jul 4, 2012