Relationship Delimmas.

I try to get out to different places to meet men. The meeting has been really great, most of the time. I try my best to impress, clean and tidy fashionable dress, my own money, manners, considering the other person and on time with the best company ever. Then he will make the first move. Then it starts my mind goes into overdrive, what is this, how and what do i know about this guy, does this mean this or that? now i know I'm not the only female who thinks these thoughts, not only what has been done, but what is going to be done..I think i want to do well by this guy i've met, so i plan, plan the next move, delaying his gratification, thinking spontaneously, planning fun, planning my own happiness is well. Hey f.y.i. i am not needy OK. But perhaps that is a problem? know I'm not going to salute self reliance although that is my makeup. Sometimes i ponder with the idea of inter reliance and well it doesn't matter cos it never works (tried and tested). I have been the caretaker, parent, girl next door, best friend, the other women, one night stand, the girlfriend who did it all. But the truth remains most guys need to heal themselves is well.. I mean just as much as us women cry over ice cream and might need new friends, men need to keep responsible for having the ex in mind sight is well. OK that is one AHA moment but perhaps i need some honesty, the type that says I'm too picky and i need to lower the bar...I really suck, not only with family and friends, with colleagues, with potential lovers and at times with my household pet. I wish things were more simpler and all i hear is there wants and what they need. That's fine but i deny my own for others at times.
The relationship i desire is friendly, homely feeling, caring, motivating and the picture quality life of a home and family. I have been dating but it's very strange. Guys talk about the future as separate to me, don't get me wrong. I get the hint! he ain't into me. Then why date me, why see me! The saddest part is losing so many loved ones and wanting to live life with meaning and no regrets. But it's rare to find someone to share these thoughts.  This last guy i dated from on line, is trying to get back into friendship on line. I went to counseling over the guy, cos he wasn't over his ex and i had loose boundaries with it. I realised where i needed to work on with myself. But i still feel the void of emptiness and loneliness when thinking and living my life. I am grateful for life with those in my life and the lessons they teach me about myself and about who i am not and where my faults are, i'd wish for praise, encouragement, love and trust.. They say it starts with me? is there ever an answer though?
loafing loafing
26-30, F
1 Response Jul 17, 2010

Wow it is like I am reading my life story - sure shared same things here.. well mostly though and I think you have answered some of your question... I like to think that the more we talk more about our issues the more clearer the path and yes it does get cluttered once a while but women really need to be in this moment.. to talk it all out..not to get it fix but just get someone to empathy...I have not get mine rest yet although I like to think more positive and be surrounded with positive and like minded supportive friends. If something I like to try is to be like a man - retreat in to my own cave and think absolutely nothing.... that to me is as good as being in the state of meditation ...hmmmm and breath in more oxygen for better living. Hope it helps.