Don't Know What To Do...

I'm just so so tired...and I so desperately need to get this out of my chest...And I so desperately need someone's advise :(

I'm at the beginning of my 30s, I've had long relationships before, and we've talked about marriage but I was never really sure to do it. It has happened for the first time in my life that with my present partner, I do think about marriage, heck I even think about kids, which I never EVER did before. And this all started after just the first 6 months we've dated! I guess that's just how it happens, when you meet the guy, you just know right? I was completely sure about it, had no doubts and of course this scared me, it was a completely new feeling for me.

But when I wanted to find out at what point he was after our first year, the answer was that he does want to get married, but in the future. We've lived together for a few months and it worked great! He's been the first person I've said yes to moving in with and it was a wonderful experience for both of us, we blended perfectly well. Now because of work we live in different countries, we visit each other as often as we can and we talk every day. In one month it will be two years since we've been together, and at the end of this year the plan is that we will be living together again.

But I want more, I am so ready for more and I am at a stage in my life where this comes naturally, we're both in our thirties, we love each other and we want to be together, but still, for him, marriage is somewhere in the future. And this is devastating me for many reasons. One of them is that it makes me feel that he still has doubts. For me, getting married is the biggest way of telling someone you love them, and the fact that he does not want it now makes me feel his love is not as strong as I thought, that he still has doubts and wants to wait. No need to rush he told me, but that's it, no further plans.

We hardly ever talk about it, I don't want to bring the subject up because I don't want to pressure him, but this is becoming very important for me. All the guys I've been with before wanted to marry me with no doubt, and they wanted to make plans for it. But he doesn't. There are no plans, it is all in the future, and I feel like my life is being wasted.

I'm starting to feel I should just leave and look or wait for the right one again...I really don't know what to do. I don't feel comfortable talking about it with him either. I always thought the person I would spend the rest of my life with would be so completely sure he wanted to do that and have no doubts that he would be the one to tell me he wanted to marry me. Being the only one who wants it makes me feel completely out of place and uncomfortable with it all.

I don't want to tell him either that I'm leaving because he's not making his mind up so that he says ok let's do it, but he will not be sure. The last thing I want is to marry someone who's not sure about it, so I've though of just leaving with no explanation at all.

I've been sure for one and a half years already, and I'm tired of waiting...

Please someone, anyone that can comment on this, please do give me some advice, I so badly need it right now...

thank you...
ThinkingOfItAll ThinkingOfItAll
31-35, F
3 Responses Sep 28, 2010

I have been married 3 times. my first was with a woman who was 10 years older than me.i was 20 at the time. I look at that one as a learning experience. <br />
my second " i feel in love with that sweet lil katt of hers and the head. she was very kinky in bed and alot with her was new 2 me and it was great. but she did give me my first daughter after 4 years of trying.She got a new job and soon after we started driffting apart the reason for that was, her new black bf she when i caught up with her i filled for a divorce.<br />
after her i had made my mind up ...i was not going tobe hurt or used by another woman. so i stayed single and didnt date anyone for about 16 .months, marriage is what u make of it. he might be affraid of messing up a good relationship because it does change after the i dos

I know the feeling man can be such complex to understand. Some men are fast some are slow in making decisions. Marriage is a big thing and you don't want to rush and to waste too soon<br />
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Perhaps you need to take it light and easy..ask him in lighter mood not pressuring him...he may have good reasons or other concerns.

Thank you LonelyWanderer. The strange thing is that he's the christian here, I'm agnostic. I'm not thinking of a church wedding, but a civil one, though I would go through the church thing if it was his desire.<br />
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I have told him how I feel on the very few occasions that we've talked about it. But it's as if he didn't know what to do.