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The Right Thing To Do... 3

I just made a really hard decision but it was the right thing to do and I'm proud of myself.
So this guy I've been talking about got a girlfriend. We were texting and he told me he had a girlfriend but he asked if we could still be friends with benefits. I said yes. So we were texting dirty and doing all this stuff and we even planned to hangout today. The only reason we aren't hanging out today is because his mom never said whether or not it was alright. But anyways, so I told him goodnight and said "I love you" and when he texted back he told me he loved me too. I obviously was overwhelmed and happy.
A couple days ago though I went to see my therapist, who I see bi-weekly, and she made me realize something. My parents must've told her I like this guy and how we're friends with benefits because she brought it up. So almost our whole session we talked about him. She told me she saw girls who did the exact same thing as me and in the end got hurt. She told me she saw me going down that path and didn't want me to end up like some girls who had sex with guys just so they could keep them interested. I realized she was right and even though I hate to admit it sooner or later I would be that girl. So I texted this guy and broke it off with him. I told him if he really loved me like he said he does he'd break up with this girl and than talk to me. He asked me if he broke up with her if me and him could still be friends with benefits. I told him no because I'm tired of being his friend with benefits!! I want more than that. I told him for now we're friends and only friends and we can become more after he double checks his feelings for me. Right now I'm upset because I don't want to lose him but I'm also relieved. I know I did the right thing and I'm happy to say I won't be that girl who has sex with a guy just so he'll like her. I made a promise to myself today that if I ever get intimate with a guy again I'll be in a relationship with him and he'll love me and care for me. And that's what I plan to do. <3
So if this guy claims to love me I guess I'll find out if he's for real or not. I guess I'll just have to wait and see though. But, it feels good not to be someones go to girl anymore. (: Sure, I still love him obviously but he's not worth going after if he doesn't feel the same about me. I've been chasing him long enough, I need a break now.
deleted deleted 26-30 Dec 30, 2012

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