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It's Not About Being In just Any Relationship... But the right 1

See there was this girl who I had such a connection with that I just couldn't understand how this was even possible... I mean we really do think alike in every-way!
In fact after knowing her for only a month and a half... I asked her this very question... "Out of everybody whom you have known in your whole entire life, all of your sorority sisters in college , your mother , father , relatives, heck even the ex boyfriend who dated you for 2years and got on his knees to propose to you in which you turn him down... Who knows you better than anybody?"

And she said to me, "You do, you know me better than anybody" Only problem is I had completely no Idea that she was in love with my older brother ... My older brother however turned her down although I'm not sure if it was because me or that he really didn't like her.

Kinda sucks but ever since that happened we never talked to each other again, and she lives 4hours away now, So I don't bother.

A lot of my relationship I somehow find myself to end up with a girl who really does accept me for who I am and cares and have strong feelings about me...  the only thing that's missing from the girl is that she isn't very understanding... and so there she is dragging me to help her care about the dumbest things in life. I just feel such a sense of emptiness in the relationship that I end up saying to myself "WHY oh Why did I ever get into this relationship in the 1st place?" I would then turn my back and walk away, because I couldn't put up with it anymore... I just felt that the relationship wasn't fair... she was able to care so much about me and there I am not being able to express back the feelings and love to her... and that right there just made me feel terrible in the inside.

This happened exactly the same way to three different girls in whom I have dated in my past relationship.

I've been single for more than 2years now and I can't even believe that it has been this long!... I didn't want to make the same mistake that I have been doing in my past relationship... I guess I though as long as I don't date anybody then I won't be able to break anybody's heart by turning my back and walking away.

The girl that I met that I had such a connection with who was in love with my older brother, I met her 2years ago... after her, that's when I became spiritual and began my journey to find myself.

I'm glad for everything that happened now, because I was able to learn so much about myself that I never knew... What I really do look for in a girl is for her to be able to understand as much as I do and so therefore she has to have a great deal of respect and undertstanding about herself then I would have no reason to leave because she's pratically my equal in everything.

PuzzleGuy713 PuzzleGuy713 26-30, M 28 Responses Feb 17, 2009

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Not to be mean but, it could be worse, you might not ever have been in a relationship at all, like me...good luck

I'm sorry to hear that you got your heart broken. That's never easy, especially when it's your brother the girl wants (been there done that). I'd like to say you'll find someone, but I don't know, I have yet to find my own. Just keep living and see where life takes you. Keep your chin up.

Wow you have quit a lot of comments! That's great :). This is a very common thing with people I think these days. I can relate as well...I dated someone for 8 years and it was so awesome for about 3-4 years. I can't describe the connection we had, it felt like I could feel "God" with him. I felt complete with him, I felt like I didn't need to look for anything anywhere else...this is sorta vague but the feeling was indescribable. And I KNEW he felt exactly the same way with me, which was just heaven! The relationship ended because of conflicting views, too many to list, but in reality I may have been too dramatic with emotions (of which I have tamed since I'm happy to say), he was not responsible and had high fear of commitment and responsibility. We broke up and made up several times...and it was completely earth shattering every time for me. I realized I needed better and walked away from it. It took strength and a lot of support from friends, and a LOT of soul-searching, but I can finally say it's history. Sometimes I wonder...what things would be like should we rekindle, and I really do miss the connection we had sometimes, but I know better than to stroll down that road. That's my story anyway, I know everyone has their own paths to follow.

I know the void though, that this sort of things leaves. I've dated several people since leaving that relationship (which was 4 yrs ago) and they've all, also, ended the same way! I knew it was doomed to begin with, but I tried it anyway because I thought I SHOULD be attracted to them, ultimately it failed and I walked away, sometimes hurting feelings and feeling terrible about it.

I've noticed lately, within the last few months, just how lonely and tired my soul is...I feel disconnected in a way. I'm just so fatigued by the constant yearning to find a like mind, a true kindred spirit, and so damn tired of hurting all the time! When I first left, I felt liberated, I felt on top of the world like, "I wasted a lot of time in constant limbo and now I'm going to experience the world." And upon first glance of me, that's probably what you would see, a high spirited, loving-life woman...I feel this way about half the time, but lately it's been a struggle to stay there and not fall into feeling completely lost.

Well I didn't mean to ramble this far. All I wanted to say is that I feel ya man!! And it was a little comforting knowing this happens to men too. I'm glad you are finding yourself first, and I hope that you do find someone who will light up your life! Good luck in all your travels, Be well, amigo :)

It's nice to hear that men go through the same things that girls do. I have been through different relationships and they all seem to be the same. I start to care about somebody and settle for what i think is what i deserve then in the end i end up realizing that i need someone who would understand and treat me better. I have also been single for about a year now and its nice and lonely at times.



I am glad that you are finally understanding yourself. They always say when your not looking thats when you might just find the one you are looking for.



Best of Luck to you and the journey thats lies ahead.

-Jennifer :)

Be sure the love is truely dead before you bury it.Like ViolaPercy said above,4 miles is not much in the way love.

Good luck!

I have a friend that, i like and maybe love every much, thinks that by not going out with anyone it prevents him from hurting anyone. I told him "If you don't take risks or if you stop trying to do something because your scared, then you will not move forward in life. People get hurt, thats how life works. But there's good and bad ways to break up with someone, you just need to find the right way." Are relationship between both of us is not moving forward or growing because he doesn't want to hurt me by going out with me. But his missing out on good opportunities and wonderful memories. Basically his hurting me because his too scared to move forward. How do you know anything if you don't try?

I have a friend that, i like and maybe love every much, thinks that by not going out with anyone it prevents him from hurting anyone. I told him "If you don't take risks or if you stop trying to do something because your scared, then you will not move forward in life. People get hurt, thats how life works. But there's good and bad ways to break up with someone, you just need to find the right way." Are relationship between both of us is not moving forward or growing because he doesn't want to hurt me by going out with me. But his missing out on good opportunities and wonderful memories. Basically his hurting me because his too scared to move forward. How do you know anything if you don't try?

I have a friend that, i like and maybe love every much, thinks that by not going out with anyone it prevents him from hurting anyone. I told him "If you don't take risks or if you stop trying to do something because your scared, then you will not move forward in life. People get hurt, thats how life works. But there's good and bad ways to break up with someone, you just need to find the right way." Are relationship between both of us is not moving forward or growing because he doesn't want to hurt me by going out with me. But his missing out on good opportunities and wonderful memories. Basically his hurting me because his too scared to move forward. How do you know anything if you don't try?

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Its great to share a real life time experience. But things like soul-mate, etc. are extremely rare and no one should waste time in trying to search for such a combination. Life is a system of give and take and this goes for both the partners. So take care of eachother and live, thats what life is. Iearnestly hope you get a partner of your soul.

it's been almost two years now since you have posted your story.hope you already found the girl that you have been searching for..you seem like a nice person and you deserve to be happy. God bless!

wow, thanks for sharing i think i also should find myself before starting my very first relationship..

i wish you good luck! :)

wow, thanks for sharing i think i also should find myself before starting my very first relationship..

i wish you good luck! :)

Man if you were a girl, I'd date you xD

I think I understand what you mean very well from my own experience, own views, feelings. Good post. Thanks.

well, sometimes it just not meant to be. For example, my best friend is in love with me but I am in love with his older brother. His older brother kind of liked me and flirted with me, but it turn out to be he only was seeking for sex. I was looking for a more mature guy, his brother is 25 and he is 20, but my point is...that some relationships are not meant to be and sometimes guys confuse a girl relationship with a love relationship.

I can relate and I know it hurts because I ve been there myself. I would also like to congratulate u for discovering yourself, knowing and loving yourself is the best gift that u can ever give yourself. Once you accept yourself know who you are and love yourself unconditionally you will never settle for anything less than the best

4hrs away isn't that big of a complication. You need to make sure there's NOTHING there between the two of you romantically before one of you does something stupid and ends up marrying the wrong person - that happened to me and we've both been regretting it ever since b/c we discovered too late how much love a soul-mate can give & we've both been missing out & feel trapped into staying that way. Complicated doesn't even begin to describe. You need to find a way to talk to his girl again.

I can so relate to your experience. I am glad that you did go on a quest to find YOU...I need to go on that journey to find myself and then too maybe my soulmate will come once I know the REAL me. All will be fine for you and for me as well.

It's just a matter of time before you meet your equal. Life is a journey. You meet, you greet, you retreat and you learn new things along the way.



It is good when you are able to find yourself first before your soul mate finds you. She is somewhere out there, also looking for you. The moment you meet her, everything will fall in place, and you will know. Just like that. Very simple.



I wish you the best of luck on your life journey.

I sure relate to everything you said. What is a relationship without substance? Seems like we end up there again and again.I think we are seeking for the same substance. To base a relationship on 2 people and common interests, not superficial looks. Looks do matter a bit but not near as much as the all important connection. I would love to get to know you better if you can give me a chance.Thanks and i do understand.

I'm sorry about what happened to you but I know one day you'll find a woman who you'll have connection both mentally, physically and spiritually. I believe your fate will change for the better; no good or bad experience will last; everything usually come to an end and you will find an understanding woman.

I can relate to a goof portion of that experience. Thanks for sharing it. Connection truly is important.

I have a wonderful connection like that with the guy that I am with now. We have literally everything in common, and we are very understanding and compassionate towards one another. I am sorry that it couldn't have happened for the two of you, but hopefully you will find that connection once again.



Good luck, sweetie

Good luck in your search for a girl thats right for you :-)