Or Motivated At All
I am sleepwalking through my life. I simply feel no urge to do anything. Could be another facet of my depression, but I don't see the point. Go to college, get a degree so that I can spend the rest of my life toiling away at a job I will grow to hate. Make new friends so that I have to care about other people and will be forced to spend my time dealing with all of their problems and not my own. Move out on my own so I can pay exorbinant rent and seclude myself even farther from reality. Actually, that last one doesn't sound too bad. The thing is, no matter how I try to think about it, it all seems worthless.
Or maybe, I do feel motivated. I just feel motivated to avoid all the responsibilites in life. I feel motivated to go traveling. I feel motivated to go on a week long bicycle trip. I feel motivated learn to program computers even though I will never have a job in that field. I feel motivated to learn about all kinds of fields I will never have a job in. Maybe it's just my mom telling me that I am unmotivated. Because I don't want a career, or a specialization in a certain field, or a permanent home. I want options, and I will do anything to keep them open.
Dear lord, I think I just had an epiphany on the Experience Project. In two paragraphs. So, scratch that first one. Do I need to delete this group?