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Or Motivated At All

I am sleepwalking through my life.  I simply feel no urge to do anything.  Could be another facet of my depression, but I don't see the point.  Go to college, get a degree so that I can spend the rest of my life toiling away at a job I will grow to hate.  Make new friends so that I have to care about other people and will be forced to spend my time dealing with all of their problems and not my own.  Move out on my own so I can pay exorbinant rent and seclude myself even farther from reality.  Actually, that last one doesn't sound too bad.  The thing is, no matter how I try to think about it, it all seems worthless.

 

Or maybe, I do feel motivated.  I just feel motivated to avoid all the responsibilites in life.  I feel motivated to go traveling.  I feel motivated to go on a week long bicycle trip.  I feel motivated learn to program computers even though I will never have a job in that field.  I feel motivated to learn about all kinds of fields I will never have a job in.  Maybe it's just my mom telling me that I am unmotivated.  Because I don't want a career, or a specialization in a certain field, or a permanent home.  I want options, and I will do anything to keep them open. 

 

Dear lord, I think I just had an epiphany on the Experience Project.  In two paragraphs.  So, scratch that first one.  Do I need to delete this group?

somewhatlost somewhatlost 26-30, F Aug 3, 2008

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