No Reason, No Purpose, No Way Through Tough Times

Before I could say why I wish I wasn't born, let me say that the blame is not with the parents, mom, dad, Bros and sis', my life with them was great, everything went normal until a year after my HS graduation. Its like every positive thing I think of or felt good from turns bad REAL fast, and most of the bad things that happen to me I mainly put the blame on myself, even though they say it isn't. Im a Pessimist who keeps seeing every decision with a negative conclusion, most of them from family decisions, school, and especially my life choices. And I conclude that everything that went good around this generation went downhill because I walked this earth... The very moment I breathed this air even today. I don't drink, I don't smoke, I don't go into gangs, prison, etc. I am fairly good with karma yet I feel hollow as to why am I actually here. and even if I did find a purpose, I might end up wasting everyone's time on it, no matter what that purpose is suppose to be. My head is full of fear, worry, and discomfort over many things I shouldn't even worry about, I once had many stories in my head that I wish to complete and share among the world via internet, but right now, all I could think of... "Wheres the point in that?" "Why do you care?" "Why bother?" Why why why! I wish I knew! I want to know! But... it's too late, Ive wasted half my life thinking of that and ending up with nothing, dull, black, nothing. So why bother living? I don't know. If I could turn back the clock to my day of existence, I would wipe out any trace of that, and just leave everyone alone and in peace. Like I said, I don't care what happens to me, not a care about me at all...

Dragonblade Dragonblade
2 Responses Jul 12, 2010

Hi DB... I'm sorry you are feeling this way, you say you have a caring, loving family, well hon. they are the ones that you'd hurt, badly, if you did anything about your thoughts.<br />
It seems to me that you would have a great future in front of you with your writing. And by doing something about it, you may help a lot of people who feel the same way.<br />
This could be your purpose in life, go for it, put your feelings down on paper, and you may just find yourself with a best seller.<br />
I wish you good luck.

We all wish this at one time or anouter but we have to get past it.<br />
Good luck