I Wish My Dad Was Sterilized

Reading all of your stories is giving me courage to share my own story.
I was born to a father who was illiterate. He has mild retardation sydrome.
And I was born to a mother who had Borderline Personality Disorder.
I suffered so much verbal and physical abuse from my mom and my sisters.
One sister tried to teach me how to commit suicide.
I have attempted suicide many times in my life time.
Of course it results in ending up in an E.R. with nurses who laugh at me.
When I get really depressed I start wondering why my dad wasn't sterilized.
I was born 1 year before Oregon banned force sterilization of people with retardation sydrome. I don't know why someone didn't report my dad to the eugenics board.
I loved my dad, I just didn't want to be born because of my mom's personality disorder.
I emailed the ACLU today and I told them off and asked them to apologize to me for the fact that I was born. Since the ACLU was the one that banned sterilization of people with mental retardation. I don't know what kind of response I'll get back to them.
But it felt really good to send it and blame them for my conception.
I bet the ACLU has never heard from a child that was born into the mess they created.
I also believe in the after life and I believe that people who commit suicide go to hell.
So I try really hard not to commit suicide.
Actually one time I came close to dying and I think I ended up in purgetory.
I was in a dark void and I could sense an evil presence.
But I came out of it and survived. That's as close as I've been to exeriencing what eternity in hell would be like. I did research and found out that it's pretty common for people who attempt suicide to have these near death experiences of being in a dark void with an evil presence.
I read a lot of posts on this website where people say, "If someone had asked me if I wanted to be born I would of said NO." I totally understand that. However, I have found out that some people believe in a thing called The Pre-existence. And that supposively we lived in heaven with God and asked God if we could be born and that God let us pick out our parents and our life challenges. I find this idea of the pre-existence kind of weird. I'm NOT totally sure if I believe it. I have no idea why I would of picked the parents I did if the pre-existence was true. It sound spretty bogus. Anyways, these are my thoughts. I hope this has helped someone else to feel like they're not alone.
depressedchristian depressedchristian
1 Response Sep 24, 2012

Your dad and mom had problem's it wasn't there fault on what happened to you.
It's how there brain's work depanding on what they did. im not sure because i didnt read avreything. but if it bother's you and there that bad then go to a home and get yourself help with a new home.