I Am Just Not Strong Enough

I know it's very selfish to think that, but I just don't think I can do it. I really don't think I have it in me to make it through life. Sometimes I wish I had the courage to commit suicide and be done with everything. I can't get a job, don't have any money, I have never had more than one friend, have never been in love, have no passion in life, don't know who I am, have no idea what I'm going to do with my life, have no religion, I struggled all the way through school, I'm not talented or even good looking. That's a lot of pity, but I have also see all the good in my life too so I'm not just trying to drag myself down. But the bad outweighs the good and I know that I will probably never be who I wish I was. I will always just be some little girl.
A couple weeks ago someone asked me if I had one word to describe how I felt about myself what would it be and I didn't even have to think about it. It was this: disappointed.
papersidewalks papersidewalks
18-21, F
2 Responses Dec 6, 2012

**** existence. if you were not born as rich or one of the "beautiful people", you will never be more than second-best ... if that. bless you other second-bests who around someone who loved you, and who actually stayed with you and did not abandon and betray you --- you are such a statistically tiny number that you only serve as proof to the rest of us that we should never have been born. even if we spent years under the illusion that someone loved us .... they always betray us in the end, no matter how hard we work to live up to the acceptance we hope for from them. in the end no one can accept us, much less understand us ... we are too complicated and sensitive for this world, and it is better off without us.

Go kill your self

and in your sensitivity and erudition, you prove our point, however with the caveat that we should take others with us ... you have definitely volunteered to be on out list.

I hope we can meet soon.