Tired Of The Question "when Are You Having Babies?"

I have been married for 5 years now and have wanted to be pregnant most of those years.  My hitch is that my husband doesn't want kids right now or maybe ever.  He is 3 years younger than me and would like for us to wait until we are "more settled".  I have a hard time with this, a very hard time.   A lot of my friends and family are having kids so it makes it hard.  My sister is 2 years younger than me and is having her second child.   People keep asking when we are going to have kids and I have to explain that one day we will, just not yet.  i think that's the hardest, people asking about it.  I can most of the time trick myself into not thinking about it and to convince myself not to worry about it, but when people ask it brings everything back to the surface and makes it even harder.

I am on birth control so I shouldn't be able to get pregnant, or at least the chance is slim.  Every month I would hope that my period wouldn't start, hope that I was somehow miraculously pregnant.  I want to lose weight but am scared to in some way because I like my belly being out there, gives me the sense of being pregnant.  Perhaps that's strange, but I imagine that I am, I imagine that for one moment I am expecting and I am happy.

I went to my parents house over Thanksgiving and took my birth control along with me but didn't take any of it while I was gone.  Then upon returning to my husband I started taking them again but it seemed I was forgetting to take them more often than not.  I would feel guilty if we got pregnant because I was forgetful of my pills but I suppose I would also be happy, relieved that we were finally having kids.  I am 28 years old and feel as I get older that it will be harder for us to have kids.  My mom had a hysterectomy when she was 33 or so and I don't want that to happen to me before we can have children.  It would be a lot easier if my husband would just get on board and decide that it was time.   I don't think he realizes how depressed I get, or how I notice every pregnant woman and baby on the street or in the grocery store. Or how envious I am of those expectant mothers.

Oh well, what will I do?  I can't change my husband... I can only change myself and how I perceive the world and myself in it.  So I continue to ignore the cravings.  And continue to hope that people don't ask me about our current child status. 

cmdoduck cmdoduck
26-30, F
3 Responses Mar 5, 2010

I hope for you both that things work out! Sorry for you loss i can not even begin to imagine how hard that must have been. Good Luck :) everything will work out im sure!

Well since this post we have gotten pregnant and then miscarried in December. we are now again at the point where we can start trying again. It's been a hard couple of months but I am hoping it will get better.<br />
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Good luck with trying yourself. It's true that it is none of their business and when they need to know then you will tell them. :)

I compleately get where your coming from! I'm 27 and husband is 31. We have been trying for 7ish years. My husbands family is so wrapped around us having kids that they bring it up all the time...even to the point of pushing me for information. I can go so long without it really bugging me, but i visit and they bring it up again. It gets so frustrating that i finally started responding with "it's really none of your business" i cant believe how fast the comments/questions stopped!<br />
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I hope for you that your husband comes around...my husband use to be alot like yours. I finally had to tell him that we will never be as finacialy or settled as we want to be. If we want children then thats what we have to do..otherwise we may miss our chance!