A Face Even A Mother Cannot Love...:(

Since I was a young child, I got to feel the difference of treatment between beautiful and less beautiful people. My cute, sweet little sister always got all the attention and could do everything she wanted, people would still cuddle her and battle for her attention - while I was pretty much ignored, no matter how well I behaved. Already then, it hurt me a lot, but I couldn't imagine that the reason for the different treatment was my outward appearance.
It just doesn't make sense in the mind of a child.

Of course, things got worse when I grew older, particularly in High School. I got glasses, braces and really bad skin which made my ugly face even uglier.
Luckily, I was mostly ignored by the bullies because I tried my best to hide and be quiet. Here and there a "She's so ugly" or "Potato head" behind my back or right at my face, but I guess, a lot of girls made worse experiences so I actually should be grateful.
The worst thing that happened to me was being insulted by the school photographer who told me - in front of the class - that I have a weird smile and I should get me a new one. I cried myself to sleep more often after this incident than before. But in the end, he just spoke out what all the others already thought.
I was okay with that lifestyle for a long time, secretly hoping, that beauty was a subjective thing and one day, my personal Prince Charming would appear for whom I would be the prettiest girl in the world.

A new girl joined our class. She was absolutely stunning, with her perfect shape and her supercute face. Although she was very shy, everyone wanted to be friends with her. For some reason, we became best friends - the ugliest and the prettiest girl in class. My ugliness was grotesquely stressed by her beauty right next to me. During our friendship, I should get completely desillusionated.

We were both very shy, but while her shyness was considered to be cute and made her seeming mysterious and interesting, people thought I was conceived and were unfriendly to me or just ignored me. While I had to pay 80ct for my ice cream, she got it for free. People (especially boys, of course) were interested in her, treated her nicely and respectful, while they couldn't even remember my name, although I was a little more extroverted than her. And, naturally, all the guys were after her, and not only for having s** with her, but to love her and making her being his girlfriend, even if she treated them like s***.
I was, in the best case, second choice - with the guys still looking after her, even if they actually were with me. Yeah, I was only good for using me physically (because my body is kinda nice; but with a butterface like mine...pfff...) or to be the rebound girl.

Actually, I don't think I'm superugly. I would even consider myself as pretty. But you know what?
IT DOESN'T EFFING MATTER WHAT YOU THINK OF YOURSELF. That's what I've learned so far. The guys find me ugly, my friends find me ugly (they would score me a 4-5 out of 10 p.), even my mom couldn't find anything pretty about my face. When I asked her about what is pretty about me, she was like 'Umm... you have... a nice body? And...nice hair...'. Just like my friends told me. But as a "Butterface" (a girl with a hot body but an ugly face), you're maybe good enough for a one night stand, but for nothing more.

When I grow older, finding a partner who really loves me will hopefully not be that important to me anymore, because right now I still have the strong need to find love although I know I can only fail at this. I've already thought about getting lesbian because guys are just all the same and looks are so f****** important for them.

It's just so depressing that men's actual reason for love or already for just treating her nice are the looks of the woman, or better, the looks of her face. Of course nowadays a good shape is very important too, but it's still the face you wake up next to the morning after, it's the lips which are kissed and the eyes into which a guy should look when he says 'I love you'.
To know that I, with my ugly face, am not worth being loved because I don't even have something to love,
to know, that you will always be the second choice,
to know, that every guy you love is actually looking for something better is just... destructive.
I wish one day I would wake up as another, pretty, lovable girl. Or with enough money to have plastic surgery. ...Or to not wake up at all anymore.

I excuse for possible mistakes, English is not my mother tongue:)
uglon uglon
3 Responses Feb 22, 2012

Please hang in there.

i agree. you will definately find love. i garuntee it. i know i spelled that wrong, but you know what i mean. i have almost the exact same beauty problems as you, except i dont have a nice body. and iv been with my fiance for six years. you will, without a doubt, find someone

thanks for your answer:) actually, i already have a boyfriend... but i know he's only with me because he can't have the girls he wants to have (for example my best friend:-( )... right now, i really doubt men are able to love anything else about a girl but her looks.

holy sh*t we might be sisters! you write what im thinking

yeah, i just noticed one time too often that there's nothing about "inner beauty" waht guys could love. i'm just so down at the moment. not even my own bf thinks i'm prettier than my sis or my best friend!:( he told me that he finds them both very goodlooking but he would "love me for my character". so far, so good, but the way he's staring at my sis or my best friend... it f****** hurts me. he's only with me because he couldn't have the girls he wants actually. nobody will ever really want ME, i'll always be the second choice... it hurts. it really does.

i went through that with my bf. i kept quiet at first, but it started to really bug me. so i got pissed off and said "you want her, go get her!" he tried. and she turned him down, he tried to come back and i said **** you. after that he saw how good i actually treated him, and how much he wanted to be with me. i didnt take him back until he paid for his mistake though.

1 More Response

I am going through a similar dilemma, but i often ignore the taunts of my moronic peers. I am a lesbian not because men don't find me attractive but because it's who I am an i cannot change that about me. However I'm still waiting patiently on the right girl although i haven't kiss or do anything with a girl. With this in mind, don't be someone your not because others don't like you or find you as attracting. I Know that you are beautiful, inside and out. It just takes the right person too see it. And Uglon, your Phenomenal.

Thanks for your nice words, britzx. I wish for you to find the right girl...i know, the reasons why i want to be lesbian are not the usual and probably not the right ones... but I just don't see another solution for finding real love and not only being the rebaound girl:(

the solution for finding love is right there; You have too wait. Time is your love. Meaning that as time goes by, you will eventually meet someone deserving of you. If you become someone that your not, you will be unhappy. Be who you are and love who you are; and I'm sure that your Awesome :) , so fix that sad face into a smile okay. Don't be no rebound girl to anyone. Your beautiful. Remember that always.