If Only I Could Be Skinny

Today i ate 1 low fat yogurt,, 4 walnuts, a banana, an apple and a salad and even though i was walking/running around for 5 hours and ran up and down 9 flights of stairs i cant help but feel the other girls in my dorm judge me and think im just the fat girl. I hate feeling like this, i hate not having a boyfriend and just loathing myself everyday, sometimes it might be for only 30 minutes but all day i have been comparing myself and feeling like a failure. In the last 3 days I have barely eaten ang exercise till i am exhausted but its not enough, its never enough. Being fat all your life takes its toll and at 19 i want to be the girl guys want, i count myself lucky to have had short term relationships even though i was 10 kilos heavier than i am now. Today I feel defeated even though i suceeded in eating and exercising behind the fake smile i am breaking down. In 6 months those girls in my dorm wont know what hit them and I will look like them too.

iwishiwassomeoneelse iwishiwassomeoneelse
18-21, F
2 Responses Feb 22, 2010

Thanks for the concern, most days i find it hard to hit 1200 calories because its so hot at the moment and im always busy, but im trying to fit in protein drinks if i dont eat enough I guess its hard with peer pressure and living with pretty and skinny girls 24/7 doesnt help I have come along way from where I was even a few months ago but there is a long way to go (and i did have dressing on the salad)

yes she is gettin enough calories with the salad.. add lots of water.. i understand how u feel i used to really fat and unconfident but i used that to help me reach my goals..dont see it as a diet.. think of it as a healthy way to live.. google healthy foods and receipes u should take around 1200 -1500 calories no less no more.. and lots of cardio,, train urself to be able to run and take pictures of ur body thru this just so u know there is change because there will be :D