AM I Fat????

I look at myself in the mirror and only see the fat.  I am five eight and about one sixty five.  Before my daughter, I was one forty and totally secure with my body.  I was wearing a five or a seven, and I thought I was hot ****.  After I had my daughter, I dropped the weight, but then went back up to one eighty.  I've been sick recently and dropped down to one sixty fiveish.  i can't stop looking in the mirror and wondering why my body hasn't bounced back, shes 18 months old for christs sake!!  I'm right now in a size ten... and not happy about that.  My mother is a size two.  How do I get that small?  I eat diet pills like they're candy... and am finally starting to notice the weight loss, but I can't even eat food (any kind of food) without feeling guilty and hating myself for having to succumb to foods evil temptation.  I have a major problem with soda, I love it too much... I used to drink Coca cola zero but lost my taste for it, so I'm on Dr Pepper (diet of course) and water.  I don't eat unless my husband makes me... and he's hardly ever home.  I wonder if I'm slowly killing myself, and my mother is worried about me getting diabetes.  I don't have the time or the inclination to get professional help, so, if that was on your mind please keep it in.  I just need to have some support, I'm obviously not going to get the kind I need from my moms skinny ***, although... well, thats not for this experience group....
sdanamarie sdanamarie
22-25, F
1 Response Jan 24, 2007

i'm 5'8" have had 2 children and would kill to be 165ish. honey, you're not fat- you are within your healthy weight limit. as someone who has struggled profusely with their weight problem and not been in a size 5 since i was in 5th grade- let me tell you that the more you "stress" about it- the harder it is to take off. give yourself some credit and quit thinking you are the size of a goodyear blimp. you ain't. don't believe me, i'll send you pictures.