I Feel Lost And DeadI am a 53 year old man who lost his job in Manhattan, NY a few months ago. I have very little margin financially and owe both the state and fed back taxes, both of whom I was paying when I had full time employment. .A year ago I was found to have a massive amount of blood clots due to a genetic predisposition, along with several other blood related diseases, and now take thinners for the rest of my life.. I live with my girl friend in small apartment. She is wonderful but does what she does for the love of it not the money, which there is very little of. I was given no notice or severance and all promised bonuses disappeared for the last two years. I worked in management for the last 11 years and before that I own a small mill working company. Now I have accepted a small project in upstate NY for a friend as a mutual favor, so I can generate some much needed income and so they can get a little break on the local contractor’s price. Last week someone broke into the space where I was storing many of the tools that I had used for years when I was in the trades. I lost several thousand dollars worth of equipment that I was considering as a fall back in case I can't find another position as a project manager in NYC.
Today I am pensive and unproductive. The low angle sun does a number on my head, I am almost better when it's dark out.
To do the work for my friends I must stay upstate about two and a half hours from NYC and my love, who I miss very much.
There are so many people with much worst issues and problems that I am embarrassed to even feel as bad as I do.
It hurts to think that the content of my life could so negatively affect my mood. But when it is good I don't question it either.
Maybe I am just tired from doing physical work again after so many years or maybe I am reaching the end of my emotional resources.
dogmatik 51-55, M 5 Responses 1 Jan 5, 2011