Why Am I Alive???'

I hate myself. I hate  my life.  I feel like my life has been a cruel experiment designed to see  how much misery and suffering a human can take before they either lose it and just go crazy or commit suicide.  i am ugly. i am 120mpounds overweight. i am a single mother.  i have no money, no education, no friends.  i am a disappointment to my children, an embarassment to my family and an all around failure.  everything i have attempted to make my life better has failed, and every moment of every day of my life i wish i had never been born. i have been bullied, abused, ostracized ridiculed ignored .  i give up. i am tired of trying. i have no sense of purpose or direction, and the worst part is i feel like i am being kept alive against my will. i can't even kill myself because no one would take care of my children. 
i was abused as a child in every way you can possibly think of by my parents and random strangers. i was bullied in school practically every day of every school year until i reached high school. i was gang raped as a teen ager. i have been poor my entire life, a drug addict, a thief, and when i tried to turn my life around and do what was right, my life got worse. my children and i have lived in homeless shelters several times, because i have never made enough money to financially support my family.
i am sick of life, i am sick of life, i am sick of life. i have no hope of anything ever getting better. i used to. i cry every morning and i feel guilty that i brought my children into such a miserable existence. i see people everyday achieving their dreams and living their lives and i wonder what the hell is so wrong with me?? why can't i pull it together?
anyway, i don't even have enogh energy to keep typing
unimportant40 unimportant40
36-40
May 17, 2012