Which Is The Lesser Of 2 Evils?

I have been living with my girlfriend and her 2 kids for 11 years now, since her kids were babies. Through bad choices on my part, an injury, and most likely some deep seated emotional issues I have gotten myself to the point where I am unable to work, have no income, no car, and no license, totaly dependent on her for survival. Because of those issues, and being 450 pounds, unable to walk much and needing such help in basic cleaning up after my self, I introverted, I retreated within myself and to the internet, to a safe place where I did not feel judged. On the internet, through online games I found friends, and a life where I could be who i wanted to be, i became addicted to spending my time there. It was nothing for me to spend all night up playing games with my friends, then be sleeping all day while the kids were up and the family stuff was going on.

My wakeup call finally came when my girlfriend said that she was done, that we would keep up appearances for the kids, and stay living together because they were so attached to me, but she was going to live her own life outside of me because she was tired of never going anywhere or doing anything as a family because of my problems. A hard wakeup call but it did indeed wake me up and make me realize how I was doing wrong by her and the kids. I am trying to do better, however addiction is hard to break and since she is not here most of the time, and add in lonely and depressed I still find myself seeking comfort and friends online.

The problem is, I see her doing the same thing that she rightfully was mad at me for, she is spending most of her time with a new "friend" and his kids, only comming home in the morning in time to take the kids to school, then usually taking off again untill she goes to pick them up from school, she is then home untill they go to bed most of the time yet not spending any actual time with them as she is online with that new friend or doing her schoolwork for the week so she can be gone all weekend again. I am the only thing that is shielding the kids from her nearly constant bad mood and anger as I usually deflect it onto me when she starts on them. The kids are quite attached to me despite my emotional issues and have started asking questions making sure that i am going to be around still for this or that.

So do I stand up for them and point out that she is doing just what she is leaving me for which most likely will rock the boat with me ending up homeless and on the streets, essentially abandoning them to her anger and bad moods? Or do I keep the peace and let her continue as she is so that i can be there for the kids longer?
zanobi zanobi
36-40, M
1 Response Dec 10, 2012

I would suggest you try talking to her in a calm way. and use I statements and not accusing her in anyway and make an effort to curb your addiction, little by little say only allow yourself to be on the computer until like midnight and then cut it back again and again and try to get back into a normal routine. It will take time and make her aware of the changes you are trying to make and ask her for support. And look for work, change your diet so you can loose weight. You have a long road ahead of you but only you can make these changes, good luck!

After overhearing the oldest kid talking to herself about how mommy never stays with us anymore I talked with my ex. I explained that i was worried about the kids and told her what I heard, she proceeded to explode on me, telling me that it is my fault that she is never here anymore, that my past transgressions have made her hate being in the same house as me, and that the kids are suffering from it. So now, I am about to be homeless and living on the streets without even the kids to live for.

I have made the mistake of living for other people. The only way to peace is by making yourself happy and hope to share it with people around you. If this woman cant see the pit of despair your in and help you out of it you should find that ray of light within yourself and make sure you end up being surrounded by people who encourage and appreciate you. Its a long road, one im on myself but believing its worth it is half the battle and will make you feel more whole again. How are you? It has been a while since you last posted?

Things are much the same, a lot of pain, regret, and sorrow. I am working on things to keep my mind off of it. My ex found out that her new man wasnt quite so much of a better deal that she thought. I lost my dog, the heater in the house quit and I am broke, so yea I am living a country song but without any beer.