I Wish I Were Dead Now

I wish i were dead. i have been praying for the same everyday since 2 years. I feel that i have no emotions left in me and i am living a meaningless life. I was dumped by a girl 2 years back and its got me into depression. I cant even sleep well without taking sleeping pills. The only reason i can't  end my life is because it would be unfair on my family. I have been taking anti depressing pills everyday and end up smoking more than 30 cigarettes everyday hoping that it would end my life soon. I was in a relationship for 4 years and never thought that it would end. I was working in a company when i was seeing this girl  and was the best employee in my company. I left the company when i was offered a promotion to do my masters so that i could give my girlfriend a better and a secured life and  now i cant even get myself a job. I have no aims and no desires in life. Feel like a complete failure and feel embarrassed of what i have done to myself. She got married a couple of months back but still cant get over her. i feel everyone around me is successful and has something to live for. I don't have any responsibilites in life and most of the people who have been a part of my life have always hurt me. I have always put others before myself and have suffered. i know its only going to get worse for me and i will never be happy in life . I know that i am responsible for everything that is happening to me but i cant do anything about it. i hate everything about myself and hope my life ends as soon as possible. Feel the same as i am writing this and i really cant find a reason to live. i feel as if my head would burst one day  when i thinkt how pathetic i am. Why do i have to live when i dont want to.

rohit17171 rohit17171
26-30, M
Feb 16, 2010