What to Say ?

  My mom.....died.  I found out much to late.    I had a nagging feeling for weeks ! It kept saying "call your parents"   "call your parents". 

 When I finally did,  and got a hold of my dad.....there was a bit of small talk. See, I hadn't talked to them for a bit over a year.   That's another long story  and has been told elsewhere.  Right now, I just don't have it in me.

 Back to small talk with dad......."By the way, you know your mom is dead"?

 No one called,  no one cared enough to find me. They knew where I was.  As she  was being prepared to have the plug pulled you'd think an effort would be made to contact me, her youngest.   Nope.

 Now, my dad years later, remarried, and how many times had I called and spoke with his wife with nothing but respect and warmth.  Gave them both my contact info which they assured me they had.  

  Again, nagging feeling for weeks "call your dad".  Last time we spoke he was a bit gone, but not so much that he didn't know it was me.  It's funny though, now that I remember.....he seemed to want to talk a  while.   We talked about my dog, and  he said how much he missed having one himself.     Just stuff.  But of course I never really  had much to say.    But  I just always wanted to check on him.    He was a  i.n.c.e.s.t. o.u.s   (sp?) man, but he was my dad and I loved the dad part of him.

So, I answer the nag again.    It was at me all Friday night and  then yesterday, as my mate was in the station getting smokes I made the call.

   His wife answers, I say "Hi, it's me".    Again with small talk !  

She says, "your sister got a hold of you"?     Ummmm no.  We don't speak anymore.    Well, she said she tried and some angry black woman answered the phone.    SO  !    All you had to say was "This is sweets sister, and her dad died"!     She knew who the "angry black woman" was !

 He wasn't her dad.  So I suppose her effort was full filled. 

 I have my family.  My mate and his mom.   And all my friends here are my family.

 It's just something that's hard for me right now to comprehend.  How !

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Mar 22, 2009