Guilty Feeling Forever!.but Dont Know, Why Me?

it was long long back and i already forgot about my past bad incidents....when our whole family had gone to wedding and my cousin who is 2-3 years older to me..touched my breasts when i was sleeping right under my parents nose...i will tell u about him a little..
he has studied in a boarding school as his parents broke up and as a result his mom my aunt had many bfs. there was a sister he had of my age who died at age of 7 years due to negligent care taken by her parents....she was succumbed to too much drinking of coke and was born also weak she died cousin was too small to understand what is death like... later he didnot get his parents proper love and care he started roaming around with freinds doing all sorts of dirty and filthy things like going to prostitute....he actually followed his mom's footsteps as prostution the only means of he drinks ,smokes and does all possible bad things...he also watches blue films..and stuff!!!...and so he grew up in a bad company!! that was his you cannot actually blame him for his really bad habits...that aunt is totally diffreft from others...a in my mom and the other aunt are very very differet and are educationall and professionally settled very well...sorry to say its like they are the black spot of our family...

now let me come to the point. so he happened to tuoch my breasts and fondling with it..i really hated that feeling but i was too small to understand what exactly was happeneing... once i even punched him on his face for what he was doing in my own house.that too when everyone was at home but no one in the hall area...i shouted at him and showed him his position...i even punched him....after that he came to know how rude and mean i can be. but i really felt very awkward slapping him as he is my elder cousin and i need to respect him...but i was helpless...actally he was feeling lonely and so he used to come to my house..but after this stopped coming i was afraid that he may suicide and all but then i just moved on and now still all we cousins meet at uor ancestral house but he still the same nevber changed i talk to him trying to show him some light in his shabby bleak life...he still looks at me in those eyes i really hate makes me even stop going to my ancestral place as his plans God knows about his friends may do something really bad or somthing....he still looks at me in that sense like i am going to get married.actually his mom (my aunt) was asking for me to get married to him...sheeeesh soundsso horrrrrible!!!!
cousin marriage!!..
i refused and so my mom...but i know my limits very well now as i grown into a matured and young lady i can take care of my self...i insult him on the face and he doesnot like it.but keeps quite..but somewhere inside me even i feel hurt because he is my cousin and why am i acting so rude to him!...what he is today is because of his parents breakup and his hardships that he went through...not his fault but why does he not change now!..i and my sis treat him like a brother and tell him about God and try to bring him on a right track but he seems to not understand....all this hurt that i have had againt him i feel sorry for him as he lost his sister and became very lonely and i was the only cousin younger to him that could be called his younger sister but his ways were very challenging...i feel so bad but he doesnot feel like us...he seems to be disturbed kind...dont know what to do!...

honeyswizgal honeyswizgal
18-21, F
Nov 19, 2012