From my earliest days at primary school in south England I have known that I felt differently about some things to my friends.
They had crushes and Miss Someone; I had a crush on Mr Collins.

When I went to grammar school I remember telling my friend how cute is brother was, never thinking that I shouldn't say things like that.

Unfortunately our headmaster was a paedophile and so I became aware that the feelings I had were unacceptable and so kept them to myself. I learnt how to avoid answering direct questions. I learnt how to answer only half the truth or how to change the subject.
Thus it was that I ended up in a closet big enough for only one.

It is only as I write that last sentence that I realise a closet big enough for one is actually a coffin.

If I can give any advice to someone who is in the same position I was (and I dont care how young or old they are) it is to embrace your sexuality and dont let fear stand in the way of bonding with someone.
iandiswhoiam iandiswhoiam
56-60, M
3 Responses Aug 21, 2014

You are so true. I never came out. My dad asked me directly if I like boys, just like that. I lied. Said no. I did tho and always did and still am attracted to them. But I lived the lie playing the straight guy, had kids, little sexual love, no intimacy, no TRUE love. I'll never have that. I come to accept that now. At least I have my two sons and now a grandson. I have my wife who is my best friend. I'm coming to grips with trying to sexually please her now that my libido is down. It's hard and I think Ihave to head to the dr. for Viagra of the like.
Your advice is so sound. It may hurt and be very awkward for a while but be true to yourself. You won't regret it and will have and live a much happier life as a result.
From one who also knows.

Wow, I've been through the very same thing and wish the world had been different as I was growing up.