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I Wish I Never Had Children!

I feel the same way. I have 2 kids. I am so sick of everyone saying how precious this time is and how they grow up so fast. I feel that they can't grow up fast enough. I also have thought that other moms must be lying or fooling themselves when they say that parenthood is the best thing. I am uncomfortable talking with other parents because I am not good at lying or being fake and feel that it is obvious how much I hate being a mom. I also love my husband and long for the good old days when it was just the two of us, independent, free, and enjoying eachother. Now we have such a practical/functional relationship...just getting this one fed, this diaper changed, this one to the doctor..... What were we thinking? Why did we believe all the crap about babies being a "bundle of joy"? I agree with the above post on motherhood being a chore, no real joy in it. I keep them fed, cared for, and even try to do fun things with them, like go to the park or library. But, all the while I am out with them, I am wishing I could be doing one friggin thing that I want to do. I am so sick of the stupid kids section of the library..I want to take a nice walk through the park, not push a stupid swing 50 times. I have never felt so trapped, hopeless, unhappy (even when I was in a horrible work situation and got laid off). I feel hopeless because this situation is not going to change for a long time...I am not going to wake up tomorrow and my kids will be 18 years old no longer my responsibility. I wish I had heard from people like those on this site, or anyone else regretting children, before having them. Now, all I can do is be brutally honest about how much having kids really sucks, if anyone wants to hear my perspective...perhaps someone else will make a better choice for themselves.
parentingsucks parentingsucks 36-40, F 62 Responses Nov 2, 2010

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Believe me you are not the only one......... I hate parenthood too. But I have to say that you can count your husband died when my daughter was 12 and my son was 8. My son was also born mentally disabled so I will never be done raising him.......... My freedom will come on the day I die.

I feel that way too...The only difference is that the guy that got me pregnant ran boyfriend I have now stepped in, but I never wanted children...half the time I don't even want him around. ..I know it sounds bad but he's only 3 and I have 15 years to go..I really hate my life...I was going to give him up for adoption but my mom said I had to keep him or she would disown me. :(

Call her bluff. If she does that, she's doing the exact same thing she's condemning you for (disowning her own child). The only difference is she is the only mother you've ever had. Your child is young enough to adapt to a new family.

I see that this was posted over 4 years ago, but I'm reading it for the first time today (you can probably guess why I'm here). Tell me, DOES it get better? I have an 18 month old son and I feel exactly how you were feeling 4 years ago. I'm a stay at home Mom with a husband who is only home 1 day a week (he works out of town). Sometimes I feel like things will never get better, but everyone keeps telling me that it will.

Thank you for the courage of your honesty! I always thought I was some kind of freak for knowing ( ever since I was old enough to prefer playing with stuffed animals instead of baby dolls!) that I would never ever have kids. I had my tubes tied when I was 30 and it was the biggest relief to know that I was free from the possibility of parenthood because I knew that, for me, it would be exactly as you describe. You are brave. It takes courage to be different and to admit to something like hating parenthood, a topic that, as you mentioned, so many others have to be lying about. Thanks for validating a decision I have always known was right for me :-)

Is there any chance a close friend-couple or family member (grandparents?) could adopt them? The kids deserve to be raised by people who don't resent them, and you deserve to have a life that isn't miserable. Continuing on like this isn't doing anyone any good.

I hate being a mom to my last 3 kids, I wish I never had them. My first born is nothing like them. The kids are just self entitled brats whom I wish I never had. I wish I never met their father. I should have just had my tubes tied after the first born. Now I know how my mom must have felt, because she gave me looks I give to these kids. I stay in my bedroom all day just to be away from the terror that lives with me, and to top it off, he's 18 and hasn't graduated school and it seems like the nightmare will never end. He needs 33 credits to graduate. Yet he thinks he's an adult who can do whatever the heck he wants. I want him out of my life! I'm so glad the last two are in foster care. Someone else to put up with their ****. I became a widow with 4 kids at 32 yrs old. I often wish their dad was still around so I could ship them to him. I'm so glad for this thread. If I knew it existed before today I'd have been a member a long time ago. Good to vent!

I understand this all so well. I am a single mom with kids ages 13 & 15. My daughter is 15 and is a really good child. But my 13 yr old son is a nightmare. So many problems at school being disrespectful to authority figures. He is ODD and gets in trouble almost every day at school. I am constantly at his school trying to smooth out the hard waves he causes. I had him recently in a short term in-patient hospital. It did seem to help, but just a short time later he is on a rampage again. My son says really hurtful and hateful things to me. Their dad isn't much different, so I feel like my child is doomed. Never to hold a steady job or long-term relationships. Often I wish I could just run away and never come back... taking on a new identity where no one could find me or know who I am, but I know this is just a fantasy and a cop out. I don't believe in Karma anymore. If that was true then maybe good things would come in my direction for once.

I am glad people are posting their HONEST feelings. To many fakers sit there are whine then say "but its all worth it". Thats the lie they append to the end to look like a good person.

I am 44, male and never had kids. Friends with kids always tell me how I have to have children and its never to late. I think they just want everyone as miserable as they are. People like to herd and get angry at those who don't.

I was a free spirit growing up. I've always been an entrepreneur so I also cannot work 9-5. To me this is death. That means I rely on me and me alone. If I don't earn I am screwed. But I do earn because I find things that interest me and go for it. Which is my only reason for mentioning this. I think everything springs from passion. If you have no passion for your job, being a parent etc ... you are going to hate life, be yet another fake, fat, ugly sore and plays pretend games all day and surfs Ashley Madison at night.

Letting out the real feelings is a beautiful thing. Everyone gets pressured when they are young to do the same old crap their parents did. People get married to those they do not really love, have kids, work a dead end job and then create a false reality. All those big waisted, fat *** Darth Vader haircut ladies filling the Malls see themselves completely different then they appear. Their pot bellied banker haircut, double chin husbands see themselves as studs. As they will charge like bulls at anyone who tries to shed light on the truth. Because the truth hurts.

Those who step in with the "its all worth it" lines ... are you telling anyone other than yourself? Because not everyone thinks the same. That contrary opinion is good for everyone. Such as the 20 year old girl who is facing pressure right now by spouse and parents to give them grandkids. Or the many gay guys who marry to hide their gayness and have children and all. Just to be the man they are not for others. Of course they never really hide it. No one really hides from anyone but themselves.

Let it all out I say. Let it out, face it and deal with it. I've been common law with my "wife" for 12 years. Neither of us cares about formal marriage. Neither of us cares about being a parent. All things are by choice. We like kids. We taks other peoples kids off their hands sometimes. But in the end I know ... big time know .. I like my quiet time. I NEED my quiet time. And that cannot exist with kids. So I made that choice that since I cannot give 100% I just didn't go there. I feel for those who had kids young and came to regret it. You really are stuck and I don't think you are terrible people nor do I think your kids will grow messed up or unloved. In fact those who can admit these things are probably way more loving people in general. Those who can face facts and deal with it generally will raise better kids. Those who keep truth buried have self entitled little brats with no concept of responsibility. Those kids will grow up, get married, have kids, be fat liars who scout Ashley Madison for excitement. Just my opinion.

Thank you for your honesty. It seems that more truth & honesty is getting out there....due to people like you-who had the awareness & independent mind to not have kids, as well as parents like us-who are honest about regretting having kids. May you have continued success in your work & entrepreneurial adventures.

This response is for all the posters here, not just the OP. I get that having children isn't for everyone. I get that many people realize they've made a mistake and wish they could change it. Children are time consuming, expensive, and eventually turn into hormonal teenagers. My mother was one of those that hated children, and still does. She didn't give up her life to raise us, she kept right on partying and living it up long after I left at 14. She was narcissistic, selfish, perfectionistic, and wanted the children she had to be perfect little Ralph Lauren children, and anything less than that was embarrassing to her. Basically, she was immature and selfish, and inconvenienced by things like responsibility, nurturing another living creature, sacrifice. Any sacrifice at all to her was too much, because in her world, she was all that mattered. Because of this, she was abusive, physically, mentally, verbally, psychologically. I finally realized when I had children of my own that many of these feelings were semi-normal, even good parents have feelings of lost youth and activities they feel they don't have time for anymore, but not everyone dwells on the difficulties of having to figure out how to balance the task of keeping themselves nurtured with the task of nurturing others, such as I see people doing here, or as much as my mother did. I am a single mother of two, in university full time with a POS ex who is more interested in finding the next thing than being there for his children. So I understand busy, I understand overwhelmed, but I have never felt as overwhelmed by parenthood as these posts express, even with ptsd and major depressive disorder. The reason I say this is not to be superior, I'm struggling everyday, but to point out how out of proportion the feelings of hopelessness and sorrow are to the situation. Please get help asap, folks! I have no family support either, but my being busy doesn't mean I've lost me?!!!! That's just an excuse. It's lazy. It's immature. It's sad. Yes, having children is awful if you already made the mistake of having them and only realized too late that you weren't ready, but if you're a decent human being, you suck it up and go cry in the closet when you need to lament your lost youth and all that you gave up, and then get on with it. Your kids NEED you to figure it out, because this thread illustrated exactly why we have mass shootings on the rise, riots in the streets, drugs everywhere, me, me, me, me, me... ****** up parents breed ****** up kids. Neglect begets neglect. Grow. the. ****. up. If your kids, or other people's kids, or all kids, annoy the **** out of you, it's because you're still a child yourself. And that's okay if you don't have or want kids. It really is. But after you already have them? You had better figure out a way, because your lack of enthusiasm and loads of regret WILL **** their minds up. If you really just can't muster the strength and integrity to be loving, nurturing, and emotionally available, then opt out, pronto. However you must. This is authentic, this is supportive, and this is respectful. There's plenty of other comments already saying it's brave to share these feelings, and that is true, it takes guts to say this isn't working for me, I'm miserable, I'm not ready, etc. I have compassion for every single one of you, but my thoughts stand firm. Figure it out or opt out. The world is ****** up enough as it is.

I sucked it up for years. And they're 23 and 17 and both of the little ******* is still living with me and I still can't stand them. I wish I could opt out. I wish I could have opted out years ago. Neither of them is going to go out and kill anyone, but they make my life miserable every single damn day. I don't wish them harm. I wish them elsewhere.

I have lost me. Being a mom takes 110% of me and more. I don't know how any good parent can maintain any shred of themselves. All of my time, energy...all of me goes to them.

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I love my kids but hate my life with them. There are 4 of them and the eldest is 5. I thought one would be all I could ever handle and my husband pressured me into more thinking he could prove to me just how great I was. Now, I hate myself and my husband. I went from a career and friends to staying home with a bunch of kids and while they are truly great, I would give anything to not have to be with them 24/7. My husband works nights and sleeps days so I literally have no break. He doesn't help around the house or with them. I know that I am so miserable and hopeless because I am worn out but I am being a less than desirable parent because of it. Most days I force myself out of bed and pray that I make it to bedtime.

Having children sucks. I thought getting divorced would bring me more peace, but I met a woman (who I love very much) and she has 2 kids of her own. So we have 4 kids now between the two of us. We can't escape our responsibilities. It's too late for us. We will never be free again.

I think you're just really tired and need a vacation and maybe some domestic help! It is really hard work being a parent, but if you are purposeful about it, you might find yourself shocked at how much you love them! Also, you might have some PTSD from the births and especially if the hospital was not very respectful. Also a liquid B-complex could make you feel better too. Finally: Friend time. You need husband time and friend time.

First of all, I do love my kids very much. None of this is their fault. It IS POSSIBLE to love them, and at the same time hate the 24/7/365 endless work, loss of freedom, lack of sleep, endless demands on meā€¦. Yes I am really tired-what parent isn't? I would love to go on a real vacation, without the kids. Going on a "vacation" with kids is NOT relaxing-just the same amount of stress caring for the , plus doing so living out of a suitcase. I would love to have "domestic help" as in, a live-in nanny! We eat very healthfully and including quality vitamins, probiotics, supplements. There is no easy quick-fix answer. Since I wrote the above post, almost 4 years ago, what is better is that we are diaper and nap-free! Both of those have allowed our family so much more freedom. My son can tie his own shoes, my daughter can put on her own velcro-close shoes, and I am celebrating!!! Seriously, not having to put on every single shoe in order to get out of the house-WOW! Small, tiny baby steps towards independenceā€¦..

I'm glad there's a lot of other people who feel the same as I do. Your comments and other peoples responses are exactly how I feel. I googled in "wish I'd never had kids", and it brought me right back to EP. I love the girl I married, but as soon as something comes up about our kids, it puts a knot in my stomach. I've told my wife many times that I never wanted kids, but I gave in to her, not realizing what I would be in store for. Even as I'm writing this, the phone rings and it's our daughter asking for a ride. I just let it go to "leave a message" now. It's bringing me to the point that I'm wanting to find a girl who is a lot more similar to me. Whoever said "opposites attract" is full of it. What I've started to realize is that it's never going to end. When the kids have left, it's not going to go back to the life I loved. My sister in law just became a grandmother and my wife loves it. I put on a fake smile, but really just want to get away from all of them. Like you say, I hope others will make better choices for themselves.

I wound up being a mother at 38 years of age and then a widow at 43. Did my best, put him first in all things, but apparently my best wasn't good enough and he is just not the person I raised him to be on many levels. He's 21 now and still expects to be waited on hand and foot, even though I did NOT encourage this behaviour. We are NOT wealthy by any sense of the word, but he didn't go without. He is made because he didn't get name brand clothes growing up, or other status items that he feels he was due. He still lives at home and six months out of the year, does contriubte, but expects it all back if he thinks he needs it. He does drugs and drinks and I want to kick him to the curb. But I can't bring myself to do it as he is my only living relative. Makes me feel like a piece of crap. He never does anything to make me feel appreciated in any form; not at birthdays, Christmas or Mother's Day and while I don't expect the world, do expect appreciation. He is insulting, doesn't respect my boundaries, and in all honestly if he were a boyfriend or husband, I'd have kicked him to the curb long ago. He does use drug, drinks and steals from me. Just venting there isn't much I can do. This sucks and I can't wait for him to leave. Doubt I'll have much of a relationship with him,but at this point not sure if I even care anymore. Hurting like crazy over this.

Work on your relationships with other people. He's twenty-one, and it's time to move on. If he's stealing from you, you've got to change your locks. Maybe you could get some counseling for yourself to help you have wisdom in your particular situation. I believe in God; if you do, you could pray. Some men take a long, long time to become men; there's still hope.

Wow I feel for you I am in a similar situation.(

I couldn't agree more. When I was a kid, I had 2 siblings, & we all get along wonderfully, and still do. Growing up, I wanted tons of kids, at least 4 & would have considered more, coming from my happy home. Instead, my body would only produce one girl, and I hate her. I loved her when she was smaller, but as she's grown, it's come to light that she has horrible genes.<br />
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A depression gene that shows up here & there in our family tree on my side, and some ADD & borderline personality bullsh!t from his side. She's a facking nightmare. SO NEEDY! I can never do enough, or buy enough, or spend enough time with her, or spend enough money. It's MORE MORE MORE and it's non stop!<br />
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Sometimes I will talk (very lightly) with other moms about how difficult it is to have a teen (I leave out all the other junk she comes with) and they smile knowingly & gaze into the distance & say something like, "Yeah, but in the end, it really is all worth it." REALLY?! WHEN THE FACK DOES THAT HAPPEN?<br />
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Because so far, since the day I became a mom, and in particular, since she became a teen, not only did my life get put on hold - it ENDED COMPLETELY. I can't take her anywhere because of her poor behavior, attitude & negativity. I can't leave her alone because she is sometimes suicidal. I can't hurt her feelings by taking a day off from her NON FACKING STOP TALKING about NOOOOOTTTTHHHHHIIINNNNNNNGGGGGG and she gives me a crappy attitude when I have to work (which I do FROM HOME so I can be here for her more often!)<br />
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I just quit sometimes, you know? Big deal, when YOUR kid turns 18 and moves out, they can basically survive on their own for the most part. My worries will N.E.V.E.R end and if anyone had given me the slightest inkling that my life would be this way, I'd have had my tubes tied after my first period.<br />
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A glimpse into my life PRE CHILD. I traveled everywhere. Went with friends, family, volunteer groups. Costa Rica, Russia, Sweden, Germany, Mexico, Canada, road trips through the US. I run my own business (always have) & do well with it. I had many friends. <br />
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AFTER CHILD. It's not that you can't travel & have friends with kids - of course you can. Just not with mine. NO ONE can stand to be around her for more than an hour or so. It is so physically and emotionally draining to just be in her negative presence that people literally tell me, "Ok, I'm at my limit, I have to go home now." Even my family can only take so much.<br />
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Ugh. I hope for her own sake that she grows out of some of this. And I don't want JACK SH!T of a reply from anyone with advice on how she should be in therapy (she is & he's great) or on medication (believe it or not it's helping & she STILL makes us all nuts.) or rant at me that I don't love her or want her to do well in life. Of course I do. <br />
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It's just that....I also hate what she's done to my life, because of all her problems. I understand that SOME of those problems are genetic and not her fault. But for facks sake..... it's just too much already.<br />
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Bottom line. Kids can be horrible. In a non stop, never ending kind of way. Those moments of sunshine and love you get from your kids? I don't get those. So soak some in for me, and spare me your lecture - my life is NOT yours. And you should THANK GOD for that.

Oh, I can totally relate. I was never very maternal, and I have always disliked other people's kids. But I have two, for two reasons: I found a great man (wouldn't have had any with a mediocre one) and just for the experience. I did not feel any love or particular longing for children, but I thought that life is long, and to be truly human I also wanted to experience parenthood. Somebody said that you don't truly know fear before you have kids, and I agree completely. So it is a ride, and I wanted on.

To offer hope to those who struggle with their kids, I can just say that adjusting your expectations may help. Do not take advice, or even associate much with the truly maternal ones - they will make you feel inferior, either by accident or on purpose. You do not have to organize great birthday parties, or tolerate your house being taken over by play tents and all the kiddy crap there is. Have a proper, adult-centered living room, and make the kids play in other areas. That alone has gone a long way for me to preserving my sanity. Find some people with healthier, less hormone-driven people than the supermoms. My mother, who had four children herself and had little life outside of the family, told me people who demand "sacrificing everything for your children" or "doing everything for your children" or other such bull* are plain crazy. Your job is not to stop existing as an individual, or spend every waking moment marinated in children's activities and culture. Your job is to keep your children alive, and teach them about the world. So don't listen to kid's songs all day, play the music you like, and put on a documentary about something you like. That is what I do. Balanced with some kids culture too, because it is a lot easier to tolerate when you don't feel it is all you have to do.

I can totally relate to what you're saying. Being a musician, I need to keep my own identity as inspiration happens when it wants and not when the 3 yr old is napping.
I watch HENDRIX documentaries, live concerts and biographical movies about musicians with my son along with Muppets. The only way to keep my sanity is to keep myself whole and not have fatherhood turn into job. I agree with you wholeheartedly

I feel the same way. I thought I would love my children. Instead, I hate it.

These comments make me so sad. Children are like sponges, absorbing everything around them and they pick up on your negativity toward them and then they grow up with wounds they don't understand. I don't have children because I waited too long but its so sad to hear that some children grow up with parents that don't enjoy them or want them.

I am so happy that I have never had children, despite the many people telling me that I would regret my choice. I see how miserable my siblings are because of their children and they so resent my freedom. Look, we have all made our choices. I think those who have chosen to have kids need to stop resenting those of us who have not.

Me too! The Best decision I ever made was having my tubes tied at 30. Never one regret. And I have so much respect for the honesty of people here who are sharing because I have always known that being a parent would be my worst nightmare. So glad I live in a time and country where I could make the conscious choice to live a single, child-free life.

Not everyone is born to be a mother. Some people love kids but you don't. It doesn't mean that other people lie. You are simply not enjoying it. I dot know what it's like to be a mother since I am a male and I don't know what it's like to be a parent since I have no kids but I know for fact some people love taking care and raise kids. For me it looks like for you raising kids is very hard and frustrating and something that you saw different in better way. All I got to say is don't punish them just because you hate being a mother.

Truth is I love my kids my eldest who is a nightmare I get punched spat at abused I work full time always have they have has everything but I feel resentment against my estranged husband as he never did anything with them took his holiday off with them apart from the family one I worked contributed and did the school stuff parents evening on my own dentist doctors barbers and worked in a stressful job to hear from the pig headed man I'm the bred winner all the time never did I ask for a penny or did he ever have to give me any I brought the kids clothes paid for summer holidays I lived with an abusive man that was selfish that didn't share half of his responsibility so I have been left feeling resentful of not being fulfilled with my life mine changed his didn't

I hate my children. I hate everything about them and I wish I had never adopted them. I cry most days and often want to just leave and disappear. We were lied to about how screwed up these kids were by their social worker. The only thing that keeps me here is knowing how much it will hurt them if I don't. I pray everyday for them to just grow up and go away. Everything I've tried to do to help them has failed and I've given up. My biggest regret is that I ever adopted them and if I could do it again I would not even consider it. Add to this the fact that very few people understand this at all and I'm so alone with it, it is killing me. My relationship with their other parent ended because of the stress of them, we just couldn't hang in there any longer. I resent their existence, I resent my friends that have birth kids they love and have happy moments with, wishing it was different doesn't do any good but I can't seem to get past that thought.

I'm so sorry!! Maybe the kids were irreparably damaged early on. Have you tried therapy for yourself and them? It sounds like you all need to be in ongoing therapy. Therapy has changed my life DRAMATICALLY! It has repaired my relationships that I thought were gone forever. I'm so sorry you are suffering so much. There must be someone who can help you!

I wish everyday that I could walk out the front door and NEVER come back.Sadly I can't because I DO care for them, I just hate being a mom. I have no nurturing nature like women are "supposed" to have. I just want to be alone, no kids, no pets , no lying ,cheating husband , just me. But I have made my bed, now I must lay in it.

I wouldn't regret having kids if my momma didn't have them under her thumb where they talk to me like i am inferior to them. I don't hate them but they call me ugly and bad names. I have agoraphobia and i have to depend on my momma well believe me when i say she uses that against me because she says that she is the boss and when my daughter talks crap to me she protects her by talking to me telling i need to go away and she will call the law. she is a nightmare, and she takes over my kids which in turn makes my kids hard to live with

I have 3 children and they are all spoiled,back stabbing,lying,two faced,greedy, self centered people just like their father.He was controlling to me for 40 years,and I couldn't get away from the monster!! They have bugged my house,my car,phone and computer in order to find out who I talk to,who comes over,what I say,ect.,to tell their father everything. They hate me and are worse than any enemy I could possibly have. They turn people against me so I have NO family or friends. They sided with their father after the divorce 26 years ago,and have controlled my life since then. So yes,I wish I would have NEVER had children. I don't have the money to move away to another house. I have bought cheap bug detectors that buzzed all over in the house,so couldn't locate anything. I can't stand to even look at these low life pieces of crap. So when a mother says something like this,it's probably her "CHILDREN"S" fault,because they have treated HER like crap!!!

Also,I was a good mother. I put my kids and their needs before mine,went to every school function,teachers conference,ect.,bought them nice things when I could. I worked alot,but went home and worked doing dishes(while the kids did NOTHING),cooking,house work,went to the laundramat,ironed their clothes,did without myself so they could have nice clothes. I wore the same clothes for 6 years. I NEVER went to the beauty shop. Their father spent his money on booze and buying other people steaks,while we had beans.

I have a 13 year old girl who was labled developmentally delayed and was always behind in school , she didn't start speaking in full sentences till she was 4 years old. she seems normal now whatever that is, but she is obsessive and asks questions over and over again until it's done and answered the way she wants . I hate being a mom it has not been a good experience for me I know people have far worst challenges than I do but I cant stand her and I feel guilty for feeling this way. I cringe at her sight sometimes but on the other hand I would give my life for her. all in all parenting does suck and I wish I never had even the one that I have.

I agree! I've never been intoxicated and wouldn't have adopted my son when he was 3 months old if I had read any of these posts.

I wish I had read your post before adopting my son and and becoming divorced 3 years later. My son lives with me. My ex is unfit, lived with a meth addict during the divorce.
So I also agree with you that parenting sucks.

Then put them up for adoption. Let them be raised by someone who wants to a mom. As a child I heard this so much and I remember it 54 years later.

That is soooooo sad. I'm soooooo sorry!:(

Ok so I'm a 17 year old only child and if I was one of your kids and found this, I would be so hurt. Cause it sounds like you don't really love them....... here's some advice: Show this to both of them when they're 16 so then they won't talk to you at all when they grow up. You can just forget about them as if you never had any. Then it'll be just like the good old days, right? (: