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I Wish I Never Had Children!

I feel the same way. I have 2 kids. I am so sick of everyone saying how precious this time is and how they grow up so fast. I feel that they can't grow up fast enough. I also have thought that other moms must be lying or fooling themselves when they say that parenthood is the best thing. I am uncomfortable talking with other parents because I am not good at lying or being fake and feel that it is obvious how much I hate being a mom. I also love my husband and long for the good old days when it was just the two of us, independent, free, and enjoying eachother. Now we have such a practical/functional relationship...just getting this one fed, this diaper changed, this one to the doctor..... What were we thinking? Why did we believe all the crap about babies being a "bundle of joy"? I agree with the above post on motherhood being a chore, no real joy in it. I keep them fed, cared for, and even try to do fun things with them, like go to the park or library. But, all the while I am out with them, I am wishing I could be doing one friggin thing that I want to do. I am so sick of the stupid kids section of the library..I want to take a nice walk through the park, not push a stupid swing 50 times. I have never felt so trapped, hopeless, unhappy (even when I was in a horrible work situation and got laid off). I feel hopeless because this situation is not going to change for a long time...I am not going to wake up tomorrow and my kids will be 18 years old no longer my responsibility. I wish I had heard from people like those on this site, or anyone else regretting children, before having them. Now, all I can do is be brutally honest about how much having kids really sucks, if anyone wants to hear my perspective...perhaps someone else will make a better choice for themselves.
parentingsucks parentingsucks 36-40, F 62 Responses Nov 2, 2010

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Believe me you are not the only one......... I hate parenthood too. But I have to say that you can count your blessings.......my husband died when my daughter was 12 and my son was 8. My son was also born mentally disabled so I will never be done raising him.......... My freedom will come on the day I die.

I feel that way too...The only difference is that the guy that got me pregnant ran off..my boyfriend I have now stepped in, but I never wanted children...half the time I don't even want him around. ..I know it sounds bad but he's only 3 and I have 15 years to go..I really hate my life...I was going to give him up for adoption but my mom said I had to keep him or she would disown me. :(

Call her bluff. If she does that, she's doing the exact same thing she's condemning you for (disowning her own child). The only difference is she is the only mother you've ever had. Your child is young enough to adapt to a new family.

I see that this was posted over 4 years ago, but I'm reading it for the first time today (you can probably guess why I'm here). Tell me, DOES it get better? I have an 18 month old son and I feel exactly how you were feeling 4 years ago. I'm a stay at home Mom with a husband who is only home 1 day a week (he works out of town). Sometimes I feel like things will never get better, but everyone keeps telling me that it will.

Thank you for the courage of your honesty! I always thought I was some kind of freak for knowing ( ever since I was old enough to prefer playing with stuffed animals instead of baby dolls!) that I would never ever have kids. I had my tubes tied when I was 30 and it was the biggest relief to know that I was free from the possibility of parenthood because I knew that, for me, it would be exactly as you describe. You are brave. It takes courage to be different and to admit to something like hating parenthood, a topic that, as you mentioned, so many others have to be lying about. Thanks for validating a decision I have always known was right for me :-)

Is there any chance a close friend-couple or family member (grandparents?) could adopt them? The kids deserve to be raised by people who don't resent them, and you deserve to have a life that isn't miserable. Continuing on like this isn't doing anyone any good.

I hate being a mom to my last 3 kids, I wish I never had them. My first born is nothing like them. The kids are just self entitled brats whom I wish I never had. I wish I never met their father. I should have just had my tubes tied after the first born. Now I know how my mom must have felt, because she gave me looks I give to these kids. I stay in my bedroom all day just to be away from the terror that lives with me, and to top it off, he's 18 and hasn't graduated school and it seems like the nightmare will never end. He needs 33 credits to graduate. Yet he thinks he's an adult who can do whatever the heck he wants. I want him out of my life! I'm so glad the last two are in foster care. Someone else to put up with their ****. I became a widow with 4 kids at 32 yrs old. I often wish their dad was still around so I could ship them to him. I'm so glad for this thread. If I knew it existed before today I'd have been a member a long time ago. Good to vent!

I understand this all so well. I am a single mom with kids ages 13 & 15. My daughter is 15 and is a really good child. But my 13 yr old son is a nightmare. So many problems at school being disrespectful to authority figures. He is ODD and gets in trouble almost every day at school. I am constantly at his school trying to smooth out the hard waves he causes. I had him recently in a short term in-patient hospital. It did seem to help, but just a short time later he is on a rampage again. My son says really hurtful and hateful things to me. Their dad isn't much different, so I feel like my child is doomed. Never to hold a steady job or long-term relationships. Often I wish I could just run away and never come back... taking on a new identity where no one could find me or know who I am, but I know this is just a fantasy and a cop out. I don't believe in Karma anymore. If that was true then maybe good things would come in my direction for once.

I am glad people are posting their HONEST feelings. To many fakers sit there are whine then say "but its all worth it". Thats the lie they append to the end to look like a good person.

I am 44, male and never had kids. Friends with kids always tell me how I have to have children and its never to late. I think they just want everyone as miserable as they are. People like to herd and get angry at those who don't.

I was a free spirit growing up. I've always been an entrepreneur so I also cannot work 9-5. To me this is death. That means I rely on me and me alone. If I don't earn I am screwed. But I do earn because I find things that interest me and go for it. Which is my only reason for mentioning this. I think everything springs from passion. If you have no passion for your job, being a parent etc ... you are going to hate life, be yet another fake, fat, ugly sore and plays pretend games all day and surfs Ashley Madison at night.

Letting out the real feelings is a beautiful thing. Everyone gets pressured when they are young to do the same old crap their parents did. People get married to those they do not really love, have kids, work a dead end job and then create a false reality. All those big waisted, fat *** Darth Vader haircut ladies filling the Malls see themselves completely different then they appear. Their pot bellied banker haircut, double chin husbands see themselves as studs. As they will charge like bulls at anyone who tries to shed light on the truth. Because the truth hurts.

Those who step in with the "its all worth it" lines ... are you telling anyone other than yourself? Because not everyone thinks the same. That contrary opinion is good for everyone. Such as the 20 year old girl who is facing pressure right now by spouse and parents to give them grandkids. Or the many gay guys who marry to hide their gayness and have children and all. Just to be the man they are not for others. Of course they never really hide it. No one really hides from anyone but themselves.

Let it all out I say. Let it out, face it and deal with it. I've been common law with my "wife" for 12 years. Neither of us cares about formal marriage. Neither of us cares about being a parent. All things are by choice. We like kids. We taks other peoples kids off their hands sometimes. But in the end I know ... big time know .. I like my quiet time. I NEED my quiet time. And that cannot exist with kids. So I made that choice that since I cannot give 100% I just didn't go there. I feel for those who had kids young and came to regret it. You really are stuck and I don't think you are terrible people nor do I think your kids will grow messed up or unloved. In fact those who can admit these things are probably way more loving people in general. Those who can face facts and deal with it generally will raise better kids. Those who keep truth buried have self entitled little brats with no concept of responsibility. Those kids will grow up, get married, have kids, be fat liars who scout Ashley Madison for excitement. Just my opinion.

Thank you for your honesty. It seems that more truth & honesty is getting out there....due to people like you-who had the awareness & independent mind to not have kids, as well as parents like us-who are honest about regretting having kids. May you have continued success in your work & entrepreneurial adventures.

This response is for all the posters here, not just the OP. I get that having children isn't for everyone. I get that many people realize they've made a mistake and wish they could change it. Children are time consuming, expensive, and eventually turn into hormonal teenagers. My mother was one of those that hated children, and still does. She didn't give up her life to raise us, she kept right on partying and living it up long after I left at 14. She was narcissistic, selfish, perfectionistic, and wanted the children she had to be perfect little Ralph Lauren children, and anything less than that was embarrassing to her. Basically, she was immature and selfish, and inconvenienced by things like responsibility, nurturing another living creature, sacrifice. Any sacrifice at all to her was too much, because in her world, she was all that mattered. Because of this, she was abusive, physically, mentally, verbally, psychologically. I finally realized when I had children of my own that many of these feelings were semi-normal, even good parents have feelings of lost youth and activities they feel they don't have time for anymore, but not everyone dwells on the difficulties of having to figure out how to balance the task of keeping themselves nurtured with the task of nurturing others, such as I see people doing here, or as much as my mother did. I am a single mother of two, in university full time with a POS ex who is more interested in finding the next thing than being there for his children. So I understand busy, I understand overwhelmed, but I have never felt as overwhelmed by parenthood as these posts express, even with ptsd and major depressive disorder. The reason I say this is not to be superior, I'm struggling everyday, but to point out how out of proportion the feelings of hopelessness and sorrow are to the situation. Please get help asap, folks! I have no family support either, but my being busy doesn't mean I've lost me?!!!! That's just an excuse. It's lazy. It's immature. It's sad. Yes, having children is awful if you already made the mistake of having them and only realized too late that you weren't ready, but if you're a decent human being, you suck it up and go cry in the closet when you need to lament your lost youth and all that you gave up, and then get on with it. Your kids NEED you to figure it out, because this thread illustrated exactly why we have mass shootings on the rise, riots in the streets, drugs everywhere, me, me, me, me, me... ****** up parents breed ****** up kids. Neglect begets neglect. Grow. the. ****. up. If your kids, or other people's kids, or all kids, annoy the **** out of you, it's because you're still a child yourself. And that's okay if you don't have or want kids. It really is. But after you already have them? You had better figure out a way, because your lack of enthusiasm and loads of regret WILL **** their minds up. If you really just can't muster the strength and integrity to be loving, nurturing, and emotionally available, then opt out, pronto. However you must. This is authentic, this is supportive, and this is respectful. There's plenty of other comments already saying it's brave to share these feelings, and that is true, it takes guts to say this isn't working for me, I'm miserable, I'm not ready, etc. I have compassion for every single one of you, but my thoughts stand firm. Figure it out or opt out. The world is ****** up enough as it is.

I sucked it up for years. And they're 23 and 17 and both of the little ******* is still living with me and I still can't stand them. I wish I could opt out. I wish I could have opted out years ago. Neither of them is going to go out and kill anyone, but they make my life miserable every single damn day. I don't wish them harm. I wish them elsewhere.

I have lost me. Being a mom takes 110% of me and more. I don't know how any good parent can maintain any shred of themselves. All of my time, energy...all of me goes to them.

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I love my kids but hate my life with them. There are 4 of them and the eldest is 5. I thought one would be all I could ever handle and my husband pressured me into more thinking he could prove to me just how great I was. Now, I hate myself and my husband. I went from a career and friends to staying home with a bunch of kids and while they are truly great, I would give anything to not have to be with them 24/7. My husband works nights and sleeps days so I literally have no break. He doesn't help around the house or with them. I know that I am so miserable and hopeless because I am worn out but I am being a less than desirable parent because of it. Most days I force myself out of bed and pray that I make it to bedtime.

Having children sucks. I thought getting divorced would bring me more peace, but I met a woman (who I love very much) and she has 2 kids of her own. So we have 4 kids now between the two of us. We can't escape our responsibilities. It's too late for us. We will never be free again.

I think you're just really tired and need a vacation and maybe some domestic help! It is really hard work being a parent, but if you are purposeful about it, you might find yourself shocked at how much you love them! Also, you might have some PTSD from the births and especially if the hospital was not very respectful. Also a liquid B-complex could make you feel better too. Finally: Friend time. You need husband time and friend time.

First of all, I do love my kids very much. None of this is their fault. It IS POSSIBLE to love them, and at the same time hate the 24/7/365 endless work, loss of freedom, lack of sleep, endless demands on me…. Yes I am really tired-what parent isn't? I would love to go on a real vacation, without the kids. Going on a "vacation" with kids is NOT relaxing-just the same amount of stress caring for the , plus doing so living out of a suitcase. I would love to have "domestic help" as in, a live-in nanny! We eat very healthfully and including quality vitamins, probiotics, supplements. There is no easy quick-fix answer. Since I wrote the above post, almost 4 years ago, what is better is that we are diaper and nap-free! Both of those have allowed our family so much more freedom. My son can tie his own shoes, my daughter can put on her own velcro-close shoes, and I am celebrating!!! Seriously, not having to put on every single shoe in order to get out of the house-WOW! Small, tiny baby steps towards independence…..

I'm glad there's a lot of other people who feel the same as I do. Your comments and other peoples responses are exactly how I feel. I googled in "wish I'd never had kids", and it brought me right back to EP. I love the girl I married, but as soon as something comes up about our kids, it puts a knot in my stomach. I've told my wife many times that I never wanted kids, but I gave in to her, not realizing what I would be in store for. Even as I'm writing this, the phone rings and it's our daughter asking for a ride. I just let it go to "leave a message" now. It's bringing me to the point that I'm wanting to find a girl who is a lot more similar to me. Whoever said "opposites attract" is full of it. What I've started to realize is that it's never going to end. When the kids have left, it's not going to go back to the life I loved. My sister in law just became a grandmother and my wife loves it. I put on a fake smile, but really just want to get away from all of them. Like you say, I hope others will make better choices for themselves.

I wound up being a mother at 38 years of age and then a widow at 43. Did my best, put him first in all things, but apparently my best wasn't good enough and he is just not the person I raised him to be on many levels. He's 21 now and still expects to be waited on hand and foot, even though I did NOT encourage this behaviour. We are NOT wealthy by any sense of the word, but he didn't go without. He is made because he didn't get name brand clothes growing up, or other status items that he feels he was due. He still lives at home and six months out of the year, does contriubte, but expects it all back if he thinks he needs it. He does drugs and drinks and I want to kick him to the curb. But I can't bring myself to do it as he is my only living relative. Makes me feel like a piece of crap. He never does anything to make me feel appreciated in any form; not at birthdays, Christmas or Mother's Day and while I don't expect the world, do expect appreciation. He is insulting, doesn't respect my boundaries, and in all honestly if he were a boyfriend or husband, I'd have kicked him to the curb long ago. He does use drug, drinks and steals from me. Just venting there isn't much I can do. This sucks and I can't wait for him to leave. Doubt I'll have much of a relationship with him,but at this point not sure if I even care anymore. Hurting like crazy over this.

Work on your relationships with other people. He's twenty-one, and it's time to move on. If he's stealing from you, you've got to change your locks. Maybe you could get some counseling for yourself to help you have wisdom in your particular situation. I believe in God; if you do, you could pray. Some men take a long, long time to become men; there's still hope.

Wow I feel for you I am in a similar situation.(

I couldn't agree more. When I was a kid, I had 2 siblings, & we all get along wonderfully, and still do. Growing up, I wanted tons of kids, at least 4 & would have considered more, coming from my happy home. Instead, my body would only produce one girl, and I hate her. I loved her when she was smaller, but as she's grown, it's come to light that she has horrible genes.<br />
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A depression gene that shows up here & there in our family tree on my side, and some ADD & borderline personality bullsh!t from his side. She's a facking nightmare. SO NEEDY! I can never do enough, or buy enough, or spend enough time with her, or spend enough money. It's MORE MORE MORE and it's non stop!<br />
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Sometimes I will talk (very lightly) with other moms about how difficult it is to have a teen (I leave out all the other junk she comes with) and they smile knowingly & gaze into the distance & say something like, "Yeah, but in the end, it really is all worth it." REALLY?! WHEN THE FACK DOES THAT HAPPEN?<br />
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Because so far, since the day I became a mom, and in particular, since she became a teen, not only did my life get put on hold - it ENDED COMPLETELY. I can't take her anywhere because of her poor behavior, attitude & negativity. I can't leave her alone because she is sometimes suicidal. I can't hurt her feelings by taking a day off from her NON FACKING STOP TALKING about NOOOOOTTTTHHHHHIIINNNNNNNGGGGGG and she gives me a crappy attitude when I have to work (which I do FROM HOME so I can be here for her more often!)<br />
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I just quit sometimes, you know? Big deal, when YOUR kid turns 18 and moves out, they can basically survive on their own for the most part. My worries will N.E.V.E.R end and if anyone had given me the slightest inkling that my life would be this way, I'd have had my tubes tied after my first period.<br />
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A glimpse into my life PRE CHILD. I traveled everywhere. Went with friends, family, volunteer groups. Costa Rica, Russia, Sweden, Germany, Mexico, Canada, road trips through the US. I run my own business (always have) & do well with it. I had many friends. <br />
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AFTER CHILD. It's not that you can't travel & have friends with kids - of course you can. Just not with mine. NO ONE can stand to be around her for more than an hour or so. It is so physically and emotionally draining to just be in her negative presence that people literally tell me, "Ok, I'm at my limit, I have to go home now." Even my family can only take so much.<br />
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Ugh. I hope for her own sake that she grows out of some of this. And I don't want JACK SH!T of a reply from anyone with advice on how she should be in therapy (she is & he's great) or on medication (believe it or not it's helping & she STILL makes us all nuts.) or rant at me that I don't love her or want her to do well in life. Of course I do. <br />
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It's just that....I also hate what she's done to my life, because of all her problems. I understand that SOME of those problems are genetic and not her fault. But for facks sake..... it's just too much already.<br />
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Bottom line. Kids can be horrible. In a non stop, never ending kind of way. Those moments of sunshine and love you get from your kids? I don't get those. So soak some in for me, and spare me your lecture - my life is NOT yours. And you should THANK GOD for that.

Oh, I can totally relate. I was never very maternal, and I have always disliked other people's kids. But I have two, for two reasons: I found a great man (wouldn't have had any with a mediocre one) and just for the experience. I did not feel any love or particular longing for children, but I thought that life is long, and to be truly human I also wanted to experience parenthood. Somebody said that you don't truly know fear before you have kids, and I agree completely. So it is a ride, and I wanted on.

To offer hope to those who struggle with their kids, I can just say that adjusting your expectations may help. Do not take advice, or even associate much with the truly maternal ones - they will make you feel inferior, either by accident or on purpose. You do not have to organize great birthday parties, or tolerate your house being taken over by play tents and all the kiddy crap there is. Have a proper, adult-centered living room, and make the kids play in other areas. That alone has gone a long way for me to preserving my sanity. Find some people with healthier, less hormone-driven people than the supermoms. My mother, who had four children herself and had little life outside of the family, told me people who demand "sacrificing everything for your children" or "doing everything for your children" or other such bull* are plain crazy. Your job is not to stop existing as an individual, or spend every waking moment marinated in children's activities and culture. Your job is to keep your children alive, and teach them about the world. So don't listen to kid's songs all day, play the music you like, and put on a documentary about something you like. That is what I do. Balanced with some kids culture too, because it is a lot easier to tolerate when you don't feel it is all you have to do.

I can totally relate to what you're saying. Being a musician, I need to keep my own identity as inspiration happens when it wants and not when the 3 yr old is napping.
I watch HENDRIX documentaries, live concerts and biographical movies about musicians with my son along with Muppets. The only way to keep my sanity is to keep myself whole and not have fatherhood turn into job. I agree with you wholeheartedly

I feel the same way. I thought I would love my children. Instead, I hate it.

These comments make me so sad. Children are like sponges, absorbing everything around them and they pick up on your negativity toward them and then they grow up with wounds they don't understand. I don't have children because I waited too long but its so sad to hear that some children grow up with parents that don't enjoy them or want them.

I am so happy that I have never had children, despite the many people telling me that I would regret my choice. I see how miserable my siblings are because of their children and they so resent my freedom. Look, we have all made our choices. I think those who have chosen to have kids need to stop resenting those of us who have not.

Me too! The Best decision I ever made was having my tubes tied at 30. Never one regret. And I have so much respect for the honesty of people here who are sharing because I have always known that being a parent would be my worst nightmare. So glad I live in a time and country where I could make the conscious choice to live a single, child-free life.

Not everyone is born to be a mother. Some people love kids but you don't. It doesn't mean that other people lie. You are simply not enjoying it. I dot know what it's like to be a mother since I am a male and I don't know what it's like to be a parent since I have no kids but I know for fact some people love taking care and raise kids. For me it looks like for you raising kids is very hard and frustrating and something that you saw different in better way. All I got to say is don't punish them just because you hate being a mother.

Truth is I love my kids my eldest who is a nightmare I get punched spat at abused I work full time always have they have has everything but I feel resentment against my estranged husband as he never did anything with them took his holiday off with them apart from the family one I worked contributed and did the school stuff parents evening on my own dentist doctors barbers and worked in a stressful job to hear from the pig headed man I'm the bred winner all the time never did I ask for a penny or did he ever have to give me any I brought the kids clothes paid for summer holidays I lived with an abusive man that was selfish that didn't share half of his responsibility so I have been left feeling resentful of not being fulfilled with my life mine changed his didn't

I hate my children. I hate everything about them and I wish I had never adopted them. I cry most days and often want to just leave and disappear. We were lied to about how screwed up these kids were by their social worker. The only thing that keeps me here is knowing how much it will hurt them if I don't. I pray everyday for them to just grow up and go away. Everything I've tried to do to help them has failed and I've given up. My biggest regret is that I ever adopted them and if I could do it again I would not even consider it. Add to this the fact that very few people understand this at all and I'm so alone with it, it is killing me. My relationship with their other parent ended because of the stress of them, we just couldn't hang in there any longer. I resent their existence, I resent my friends that have birth kids they love and have happy moments with, wishing it was different doesn't do any good but I can't seem to get past that thought.

I'm so sorry!! Maybe the kids were irreparably damaged early on. Have you tried therapy for yourself and them? It sounds like you all need to be in ongoing therapy. Therapy has changed my life DRAMATICALLY! It has repaired my relationships that I thought were gone forever. I'm so sorry you are suffering so much. There must be someone who can help you!

I wish everyday that I could walk out the front door and NEVER come back.Sadly I can't because I DO care for them, I just hate being a mom. I have no nurturing nature like women are "supposed" to have. I just want to be alone, no kids, no pets , no lying ,cheating husband , just me. But I have made my bed, now I must lay in it.

I wouldn't regret having kids if my momma didn't have them under her thumb where they talk to me like i am inferior to them. I don't hate them but they call me ugly and bad names. I have agoraphobia and i have to depend on my momma well believe me when i say she uses that against me because she says that she is the boss and when my daughter talks crap to me she protects her by talking to me telling i need to go away and she will call the law. she is a nightmare, and she takes over my kids which in turn makes my kids hard to live with

I have 3 children and they are all spoiled,back stabbing,lying,two faced,greedy, self centered people just like their father.He was controlling to me for 40 years,and I couldn't get away from the monster!! They have bugged my house,my car,phone and computer in order to find out who I talk to,who comes over,what I say,ect.,to tell their father everything. They hate me and are worse than any enemy I could possibly have. They turn people against me so I have NO family or friends. They sided with their father after the divorce 26 years ago,and have controlled my life since then. So yes,I wish I would have NEVER had children. I don't have the money to move away to another house. I have bought cheap bug detectors that buzzed all over in the house,so couldn't locate anything. I can't stand to even look at these low life pieces of crap. So when a mother says something like this,it's probably her "CHILDREN"S" fault,because they have treated HER like crap!!!

Also,I was a good mother. I put my kids and their needs before mine,went to every school function,teachers conference,ect.,bought them nice things when I could. I worked alot,but went home and worked doing dishes(while the kids did NOTHING),cooking,house work,went to the laundramat,ironed their clothes,did without myself so they could have nice clothes. I wore the same clothes for 6 years. I NEVER went to the beauty shop. Their father spent his money on booze and buying other people steaks,while we had beans.

I have a 13 year old girl who was labled developmentally delayed and was always behind in school , she didn't start speaking in full sentences till she was 4 years old. she seems normal now whatever that is, but she is obsessive and asks questions over and over again until it's done and answered the way she wants . I hate being a mom it has not been a good experience for me I know people have far worst challenges than I do but I cant stand her and I feel guilty for feeling this way. I cringe at her sight sometimes but on the other hand I would give my life for her. all in all parenting does suck and I wish I never had even the one that I have.

I agree! I've never been intoxicated and wouldn't have adopted my son when he was 3 months old if I had read any of these posts.

I wish I had read your post before adopting my son and and becoming divorced 3 years later. My son lives with me. My ex is unfit, lived with a meth addict during the divorce.
So I also agree with you that parenting sucks.

Then put them up for adoption. Let them be raised by someone who wants to a mom. As a child I heard this so much and I remember it 54 years later.

That is soooooo sad. I'm soooooo sorry!:(

Ok so I'm a 17 year old only child and if I was one of your kids and found this, I would be so hurt. Cause it sounds like you don't really love them....... here's some advice: Show this to both of them when they're 16 so then they won't talk to you at all when they grow up. You can just forget about them as if you never had any. Then it'll be just like the good old days, right? (:

I am so glad you wrote this, I thought I was the only one who felt this way. I also believe these mothers are full of lies and are unhappy as well but afraid that they will be judged if they told the truth. Thanks again. If I could do it all over again.......

That's simply not true!! Parenting is the hardest job in the world but there are many parents that genuinely enjoy their kids. Many of my friends who have kids have a light in their eyes they never had before. My sister has never been happier. But it does require a lot of support and sacrifice. It sounds like a lot of moms on this site just don't have enough support emotionally or financially as well as no one to talk to.

Your are not alone! i sometimes feel like this. i always regret of having a child, it was just so much easy, less headaches, no responsibility without a child. i just cant do the things i love to do with my wife because of my son. i always feel that my son took my life away and i sometimes wish that my wife wouldve had a miscarriage. i always ask myself this question, how can i runaway from it all without listening to my or my wifes family complains? will it be different when my son gets older?

I feel soooooo very sorry for your child. Ultimately, your inability to fake it any longer will be discerned by your child. One day I hope that she or he has more compassion than you and will not say, You know, I wish mom would just die. Taking care of her, she is old, I so want to be out doing my own thing...You know karma is a funny thing...May God send your child or children someone that truly wants to be in the moment with them to help them on their journey. May you shed not one tear if you one day woke up and they were no longer there. Any one of the mothers that lost their children in the Newtown, CT incident would probably given their life to have one more day with their child...Again, I feel sorry not for you but for your children.

There are NO guarantees that any child will care for their parents in their old age.
And honestly, if my children are happy and healthy adults, enjoying their lives when I am old, I do not want them to spend all their time, energy, money........caring for me.
My life is already gone-that is-I can do nothing else, I have no other identity, I clean up poo, I wipe messy faces, clean up an entire bowl of food dumped on the floor....... I do not want my children to suffer the same fate caring for me and ruin their lives also.

I love your honesty!

So glad I found this site also! I feel the same way! My daughter is 2. I love her, but most days I wish we never had any kids. I'm just exhausted. She's actually really good. I quit my job to stay home with her. Im bored, uninspired and stressed out most of the time. I don't enjoy kid games, toys, shows or any of it. I'm not looking forward to sports and kid stuff! I hate kids birthday parties but do these things with a smile while wanting to scream the whole time. I look forward to nothing! Finally putting her in daycare 2 days a week so she can be with kids her own age and play etc. I am starting therapy again for all these feelings! My husband is so sick of listening to me and I'm making him miserable.

Yes Post partum depression can last until your children are 3 and six! Don't rely on what you think you know. Read up on post partum. Half of the women here who hate being a mother may very well b suffering from an undiagnosed mental affliction. Why are you automatically assuming that this is the way you really feel. Put in some effort to change it. Research and TREAT. You won't be perfect but you deserve to be happy and your child deserves a happy parent. They can always tell if u aren't happy. ALWAYS. Even if you think you are hiding it well. After all you are the one that decided to give birth so it is your responsibility to make the best of it. Sitting back and hating where you are in life is not a solution to anything. And I'm sure all if you at least have on percent of love for your children. Don't subject them to feeling like they are disliked. They don't deserve that. And like I said you may think that you hide it well but children always can tell. ALWAYS. I'm not saying any if this to be mean or judge or critisize really I'm not! I'm saying it because it hasn't been said and it seems that tough love should be at least one side of the box you are in. Someone (even a stranger) that cares about you and your children enough to give it to you straight. Sorry if I'm crossing the line or upsetting anyone but it should be said...

1-I have no idea if you have children. If you do and love it, good for you, have a nice life, but please stop criticizing and judging others who are struggling. If you do NOT have children, you have NO understanding of these things.
2-I do not have a "mental affliction", as you assume. IF any parent is still depressed 5+ years, it is no longer "post-partum" depression...it is just depression.
3-Read the other comments here, and in other resources, to see that many, many other parents feel the same way I do.
4-I DO PUT IN EFFORT, every. single. day. 24/7/365..... all of my effort, my energy, my life....
4.5 - Please do not ASSume that I "sit back" and do nothing
5-You are doing nothing but judge, criticize, and cross the line, and be of NO help, 0% supportive. (btw-why are you reading &amp; lashing out on topics like this?...possibly you have felt the same at some point?....hmmmmmm)

I have two children and no I don't love every single second of it yes sometimes it's so hard I have breakdowns but no I never wish I had never had them. I am so sorry I offended you I am on this board because I thought I could help in some way. I didn't mean any harm. And I wasn't saying you sit back and do nothing in a literal sense. I was saying maybe its a good idea to do some research into WHY you are feeling this way to maybe help find a solution. Things will never be perfect for U or anyone else but what's the harm in trying to make things a bit better. Yes lasting postpartum is just depression with a root of postpartum. If u nvr felt this way before kids it's very possible that u have ongoing untreated postpartum aka depression. My only point was why accept these feelings? I think u deserve to be happy and I don't even know you. And I never said u dont make an effort with your children in your life etc. I am sorry if I crossed the line and caused u to feel the need to become defensive. I am being sincere when I say that I meant no harm and I was just trying to help. I am not judging or criticizing. Honest. All I was saying is maybe look into the depression thing u just never know. I went four years after my first preg before I was diagnosed with postpartum. I didn't hate being a mom per say I just felt like everything was wrong and I couldn't do a darn thing right. By the time they diagnosed me I had seen seven docs who overlooked it and by that time it was plain old depression that I now permanently live with. And there's nothing wrong with that. I just know that sometimes what I'm feeling is not really how I truly feel. Also I did see other ppls comments and everyone was just saying they understand what ur going thru but not providing any useful tips (which is ok too they are being supportive in a SUPPORT group it's good) I just thought I would try to give some new kind of feedback. Again I didn't mean to offend I guess I just don't know how to help. A lot of people face to face tell me I come off rude and "know it all" but I really don't mean to. I will leave you alone I'm sorry. I was just trying to tell you that u and your family deserve to be happy just like mine did before I got treatment. I hope everything works out nicely for you in your life.

I agree with you. I work terribly hard. In my home and own a 140 acre farm. I'm personally sick of ****** kids who act spoiled and don't appreciate anything at all! My son being number one. I hold him accountable in my home. I don't drink, do drugs, or have boyfriends.
Being a parent truly sucks!

I hear you, honey. I can't relate to other parents either. The best part of my day is dropping my kid off at school. (After an hour of fighting to get out the door, of course.) The drive to work is my only solace.

Agreed! Thank you!

Oh god I feel exactly the same. Growing up I couldn't wait to have children. I was very maternal and was thrilled to get married then start a family. I had bad PND after my daughter and it ruined out relationship from there. She is now nearly 6 and I also have a 3 yr old Son but I actually hate being their mum. My whole life feels like a constant fight with them. All I do is about all day and I get so frustrated at how stupid being a mum is making me. I've tried to get a job and have a life of my own but it didn't hell. I can't just leave them bcoz I never want to be that woman but I regret having them all the time and they are gonna hate me when they grow up!

I had a child 3.5 months ago and I find the experience intoxicating. It is hard, but so worth it. I feel a buzz of happiness every day. It takes one looks at his smiling face for me and my husband to forget about the sleepless night and say to each other: "he is so worth it!". We both just feel incredible amount of love towards him, it is like a love explosion...<br />
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It is sad to hear that not everyone experiences parenthood in this way...Very often, overlooked post natal depression is to blame.

Yes, I agree, post-partum depression can be a reason for disliking parenthood. However, many people, such as myself, STILL hate it years later. My kids are almost 3 and 6 now. I do not think I have be dealing with post-partum depression for 6 years. Some of us are just not cut out for being a mom or a dad. Do I love my children and sacrifice 100% and more for them Every. SIngle. Day.?=YES. If I could go back and "do it all over" would I choose to have children=NO. Yes, those 2 seemingly conflicting feelings can exist at the same time. Many other parents have expressed that same thing.
Thanks for your comments - Oh how I wish I could love my 24/7/365 job of being a mom and find it "intoxicating" as you do!!!....but I have never felt that way. Not everyone is exactly like you...not everyone experiences parenthood the same as you do.

My husband and I live in the United States, where women's reproductive rights (and men's right to refuse parenthood too) is constantly under attack. I don't find it very fair to push anyone into compulsory parenthood, but that seems to be the direction my country is headed. The media helps the cause, publishing endless articles geared mainly toward women that extol the virtues of children. Usually these are accompanied by radiant photos of mirthful mothers and quotes about how fulfilling and thoroughly rewarding parenthood is.<br />
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No one is honest about the effects of pregnancy – all various and sundry medical complications, up to and including death. No one tells you that breastfeeding can be horribly painful. No one tells you what it's like to deal with a screaming two-year-old or how to calm yourself when she cannot be calmed. No one tells you that after enrolling your teenager in the best school in the state, the poshness of the district may give him the connections he needs to begin a hard drug habit that will plague him for the rest of his life. <br />
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Worst of all, the persistent myth, "All mothers love their children," marches on without pause. Women who don't (and men too) feel demonized, evil, and alone. The messages they receive from politicians, the media, and of course, other parents, tell them that something's wrong with them for not finding the experience to be heaven on earth.<br />
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My husband and I got together when we were in our early 20s. After dating a few months, he joked that we'd "make really cute babies." Horrified, I searched high and low for a way to break it to him that I didn't want any. Thankfully, he told me he was joking...it was his sly way of saying "Aren't we sexy" or something like that. <br />
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More recently, we've spent time with his friend who frequently babysits her niece. The niece is always either screaming, stomping and hollering, or putting her hands all over people. Part of the issue is that she's not getting enough attention (or discipline? not my place to say...) from her family, but part of MY issue is that I have no maternal instinct, and being around kids drives my anxiety through the roof. MANY people feel this way, and it is totally healthy and okay. We're just not allowed to speak of it, ever, in polite company.<br />
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I wish I lived in a country where more of you, the mothers on this thread who are unhappy, could raise your voices and tell the truth. It would help prevent many women of all ages from making mistakes they regret for 18 or more years. It would help the pro-choice cause. And above all, it would provide an honest and refreshing counterpoint to the dominant paradigm in America, which is that a life without kids and a white picket fence is a life lacking, a life bereft, a life of selfishness, hedonism, and evil. <br />
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I empathize with all of you, and you DO deserve to be heard. My mother felt as you do, I suspect. Though my growing up with her was horrible, I can't fault her for her feelings, as I share them. She liked her career and hobbies best of all – and so do I! I'm glad that, at least for now, my husband and I have the choice not to have children, and I wish it were presented as an honest and fulfilling choice to more people in America.

Thanks for your honesty. That is all I can do now as well...be completely honest, regardless of what others think of me.
Many people do love their kids-I love my kids and sacrifice my all for them. However, at the same time, I dislike that and do regret the choices that we made.
My big concern now is how to be honest with our kids when they are older - as you alluded to your Mom. I do not want to damage their self-esteem/worth or suggest that they were mistakes. However, I want them to know the reality of parenthood and make the decisions that are right for their lives.
Thanks again for your honesty. Hopefully you will also help others be more aware before jumping into having a child. Peace and Love to you.

Society tells us we all all supposed to have children; it's the "normal" progression of adulthood. I think many people have children because its something they are expected to do instead of something they WANT to do. I do not think I have ever heard one of my friends or family member say they had children because they just love kids so much and want to devote their entire lives to raising children. At least 50% of the time its an accident and people refuse to terminate the pregnancy.<br />
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I believe a lot of parents regret having children, but no one talks about it for fear they would be labeled a monster. With everything being so politically correct these days, if you even muttered a word about the misery of parenthood and that you wished your kids had never been born, I bet the people in your neighborhood would surely lynch you.<br />
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I feel for all the mothers who posted on this board. However, I want to thank you all for confirming what I already knew, that I never wanted children. I have remained child-free because I was afraid I would feel exactly the way you all feel; that I would hate my life.<br />
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I wish I had some words of wisdom for all of the women here. Sadly, the only thing I can suggest is that everyone try to make the best out of it and everyday find one thing you are grateful for.

I feel the same way. As a newly married person who started out "on the fence about kids" I took the past year to really think about it. I 'm just not yearning to be a parent and have babies. The "idea" sounds nice, but the reality is a whole different story. I paid attention to other parents, elders, and my intuition. Reading this post confirms I need to really acknowledge my gut, "I'm just not into kids". I adore animals, but children, not so much. Every child that enters this crazy world should be a wanted one. I'm thankful to all these parents brave enough to speak up and be honest. It's true we live a very pronatalist society and most people don't even give any care to what's involved in taking on parenting responsibility. More people do research on buying a home or planning a wedding than what is takes to raise a kid. Just saying...food for thought.

I applaud all of you for being so honest. The number of parents that regret having children is staggering and needs to be talked about openly. All of my friends and family members that have children seem to do nothing but complain about the lack of freedom and time they now have, but of course they say "it's still worth it" I don't believe it. People need to understand that they indeed have a choice about bringing another life into this world. They also need to understand what it is really like. It's disturbing how lightly most people make this life altering choice.

Wow it's been emotions reading through all of that. I split from my husband about 6 months ago I was so unhappy and it's helped a little ad I've got one less child lol. I'm the same Iove my kids but seriously if I could go back I wouldn't have them! I remember my mum once saying to me I love you, I just don't like you very much right now. I kind of feel like that all the time. Once thing I really hate about myself is I'm so laid back and chilled but when it comes to my kids I'm so quick to get frustrated at things! I love my kids but they seem to bring out the worst in me and highlight my failings as a person! Also due to the breakdown of my marriage and regretting that relationship because of them I am forever tethered to a looser! I try to remind myself they are innocent and it's not their fault but it's hard to focus on that when you feel soooo trapped! I was so glad to see I'm not abnormal and I agree I have friends who love being a mum and I just think they are lying! Maybe if we were all a little more open and honest about how we feel we might find things easier?!

i hate being a mom! I hate my ex, i hate my body now. I hate that everything is about my child. I hate that i never get alone or quiet time. I hate i had to stay at a crap job because i couldnt afford to quit because of my child! I hate the annoying things he does, i try to act normal but inside im going crazy i cant tell this to anyone cuz they would think im a bad person but i feel like im being punished for dating the childs father! I wish i could put him up for adoption but what would people think??! My parents adore him i cried this morning wishing i never had him

fresenius 10 I don't think you are crazy! I respect you and many others who are honest and tell the truth. My tenants have 4 kids and are always behind on their rent. I will file eviction again if they don't get caught up. They had childcare costs of $1200 per month for their daughter. That is just absurd. My spouse and I can't imagine dealing with stuff like this. We have a lot of freedom, money, time all to ourselves. You should not have to put on a front for other people. You can admit if you made a mistake. Only you know how you truly feel.

I was so happy to find this site that I cried

I am so unhappy with both my grown, adult sons. They are both ungrateful and selfish. It's all about what they can take from me and never think of paying me back or doing something nice for me. I raised them alone since the younger one was 4. There dad cheated on me and we got divorced. I struggled to keep a great home and they could have everything they needed and more. I guess my more went too far. I know now that I was an enabler but now that I can say NO, they are horrible to me. I truly wish I never had kids, especially sons. Mothers deserve a daughter but that doesn't always work either , I am aware of that. I resent that these are suppose to be adults and still expect me to do so much for them and they do very little for me and if they do, the amount of bullshit isn't worth it. I hate my sons and I wish I could break the tie and not give a damn.

Yeah my mom still looks after her adult children who needed financial assistance. One had a drug problem and mental issues. So you can imagine the job of a parent never ends. They are way over 18 years old. People assume you are responsible for them until 18 years old. That is NOT the case!

I find all of these posts very interesting, as they agree with what I've always felt about children. I'm in my sixties and have no regrets about deciding long ago not to have children. I always knew I had no real maternal instinct and thankfully my husband didn't want children either, so we just decided - much to other people's surprise - not to have any. My sisters and friends all went on to have children, they seemed happy enough but I know that at times they felt trapped by the many responsibilities children bring. One friend did tell me she and her husband, if they could go back in time, wouldn't have had children, that they regretted having them. All these people's children are adults now and mostly with children of their own, so now they're expected to take of the supposed duties of grandparents, something that they all seem to enjoy sometimes but feel irksome at others. It's as though once children come along everything in life has to revolve around them, the children's wishes have to come first, everyone is expected to arrange their lives to make the lives of the children as perfect as possible. I honestly believe the myth of happy parenthood is just that - a myth, designed to make sure women keep on having babies. It's noticeable that historically speaking, women of higher social status has very little to do with their children, as they were looked after by others, and these women seemed happy enough for it to be that way. Nowadays of course the well- off still have nannies to care for their children and here in the UK many well-off parents still send their children to boarding schools. If there was such a strong maternal bond as we're always being told about, how come these women are perfectly happy to spend very little time with their children? I used to wonder if I would regret not having children when I was older, but now that I am older I feel perfectly happy with the decision I made, as does my husband. We have many friends, both young and old, and a wide variety of hobbies and interests, and we also have much-loved pets. We both like children, but know we were right not to have any of our own.

I am glad you say that you don't regret it. I am 37 now, and I am in the final stages of figuring out if I want to adopt or not with my husband. He definitely doesn't want to have them. He had a vasectomy at 27 and he is a year younger than I am. He always said we could adopt if we changed our minds. I don't think I want to deal with any of it now. I feel left out with all my friends having a family...but now I just don't think I care about doing it. Besides, this would be a great time to just travel with my husband and not deal with the kid part. Eventually the friends kids will grow into teens, and that leaves the parents to do what they want with their friends again, or there are always older people to be friends with or younger people that don't have them yet. It is all relative...and if I want a kid fix I can always volunteer somewhere with kids, and then go home to my husband and pets! I am glad I don't have them.

I am male 42. Trying to resolve this question myself. Lets just say that I do feel as if missing out on things by not having kids. But thinking more about what raising a child really means and after reading these posts. Thank God its a Childfree Sunday. I think children should be part of a natural life script. Desperately reproducing because its getting too late and because its what people expect of you, is not a good reason in my book. I do wish that I had them in my late twenties and early thirties. But things did not play to like that. Now I consider it to be too late, even if I also am familiar with people taking a second turn in the late age. I rather plan to do something for kids already here. We are talking some kind of charity work.

I am glad (and feel relieved) to see all these posts. I'm not the only one feel this way. I'm sure my action probably speaks louder than my silence, but I am sick of my life. I've been married for 17 years, have 2 tween age kids, working full time, and I have no love for any of them including my husband. I won't say it but I am sure they have an idea how I am feeling. I bet they won't say anything because i am their "servant". I feel like I am a maid, a cook, a person who brings money and taxi kids around the town for soccer practices and dentist appointments etc.... I find no joys in my life. I feel like that I only exist to pay taxes, take care of family, and raise kids. I question my existence daily.

I agree this is why I hope I don't have any. I know birth control is not 100%. I told my husband we have to try never to make a mistake.

I don't have two kids just one...and tonight siting down after a long day I told my mother I couldn't get out of the house because Abbey was threwing a fit and she said you balme Abbey too much. I just wanted to tell her I don't want to be a mom anymore. It was if she read my mind she said Abbey feels you don't want her. I am glad that others feel this way and it is not just me. I am so tired of being the care taker of a 2 1/2 year old. I feel so alone and I just want to get up and leave her and not look back.....I don't have the answer to being a unhappy parent I just want to find some balance in my life as a mom and my life as me!

I have 2 children and one has autism. I love them but honestly wish I never had children. Maybe in a large family the way it should be living in a tribe or clan it would be better but small families with just my husband and I it's horrible. Now that I'm 30 I want to live life and travel and I can't do anything with children. Maybe one child would be ok but my child with autism is more like an animal. He screams can't talk very well whines fusses. My husband and I average 4-5 hours of sleep we have to have the entire household gluten free and have spend over $40,000 on various therapies. Sorry but autistic kids are not wonderful autism sucks and I wish I never had my son because he suffers more then he enjoys life. I constantly feel guilty for these feelings because as a mother instincts kick in and you love your children but at the same time wish you could wake up and then just have never existed. My husband feels like this also and we just do whatever we can you keep going on. I keep hoping maybe when they are out of diapers and can talk and travel then it will be fun but maybe Im just trying to keep lying to myself to keep going. I'm so sick of hearing people say god never gives you more then you can handle sorry but that's crap. I'm so angry that I don't have the time or energy to workout eat healthy when as a human self care should be a god given right but the truth is the way our society is set up to have kids AND eat healthy and workout you have to neglect your children. I'm one of those attachment parenting nursing moms I don't believe in crying it out or Ferber methods I'm hardcore attachment parenting and I still feel like I hate having children. I have them so I'm going to do it right and take excellent care of them but I resent everyday I have to.

I can't imagine the additional stress of having a child with special needs. I hope that you find good therapists and resources to help.
I agree so much with the strangely opposite feelings of loving my kids so much, but at the same time wishing that I had never had kids! I feel horrible/guilty about regretting having them too! People assume that if you hate being a mom, you will not take care of your kids and you should give them up for adoption. I too resent all I have to do all day and night -but- I still take very good care of them, try to do fun &amp; family things and give them good experiences. I do all of it and more, but I wish I did NOT have to!!!
I wish you so much peace and rest from your many demands!

Attachment style parenting has been shown to have a lot of negative results in children including excessive neediness, fear of completing tasks on their own, an absent or unclear sense of self, inability to effectively solve problems, poor social skills and self-centered behavior (among other things). I read that attachment-style parenting when I had to nanny for a family that practiced this style. I wanted to burn the book! It's awful! I ended up leaving that family because their 6 yr old boy didn't even know how to put on his socks by himself without having a meltdown. I don't have kids, but boy if I ever do, they will learn how to self-soothe and be Ferber-ized, lol.

I also feel the same way--- it is like GROUNDHOG's Day--every frigging day--- and worse, NIGHT-- my kids never sleep, are up all the time and constantly need to sleep with us,lay with us, etc... they fight all day long and destroy the home. I am so glad I have an outlet with people who get it... it's not fun. It truly sucks and I feel like I want to drink all the time or take up smoking- SERIOUSLY - WTF?

Yeah I basically have coped with motherhood by drinking more than I should. I dont mean getting pissed in front of my child all the time, I just drink more than is healthy. But thank God for some piece of sanity.

i agree 100% . You turn into a robot when you have kids. If I could go back I would.

i don't have any children but i don't want any ever! ive seen too many girls life ruined because they had kids when they weren't ready. personally i would only have kids if i could afford a nanny. and even then i rather live my life than to cater my kids needs

Well done for your self-honesty before you have made a huge mistake. If you are not honest with yourself you will never be happy. Now go .. enjoy your life!! :)

thnx:) i'll try. even though i have no children it's not always easy to enjoy life. we all got problems:/

OMG!!! I'm so glad that I'm not the only one who feels this way. My husband and I had 9 GLORIOUS years together kid free. We have 2 kids now and I hate to say it but I hate it! I can't stand all these mothers who go on and on about what a blessing children are and their kids have brought them nothing but joy. What BS!! When does joy kick in? I guess if you have no other ambitions in life besides spitting out babies, changing diapers and chauffeuring 2 toddlers to all of their activities could bring someone joy but good grief...not me!! A friend told me that these women are lying to themselves and others because they are so unhappy and don't want people to know that. Plus, I think misery loves company. I'm all for the truth...I tell people all the time that it's a pain in the *** job and kids are an acquired taste.

i agree with you, i am 23 and all of my friends tht have children are constantly saying how happy they are. my thing is who's asking you? lol it's obviouse that they are lying to themselves and like you said are too embarrasse or too proud to admit they made a mistake. they just keep repeating it ova n ova trying to convice themselfs of their lies. smh i have only one friend that i respect because she is soooo honest. she admits that she regrets having her son.

Veronica I agree with you. My tenants are always saying they love their kids. They have 4 kids and are constantly behind on their rent. I don't envy them at all. they pay me late every Christmas holiday so they can get their kids gifts. They are currently behind on their rent. I will possibly evict them if they don't catch up on their rent. I just am sick of them. They would have a much easier life if they did not have kids. Yet they try to convince me they have the best good life. It is true chaos!

they are really trying to convince themselfs of their "happyness" kids are beautiful but they are like cute vampires draining the parents of money, energy, time ect.

This is heart wrenching. I too feel the same way. I was a teenager, trying to get out of a bad situation - met a guy, got pregnant and thought I would have somebody to love me. My children are 24 and 21. I do not recall any real joy from any of our experiences together. Admittedly I am sure their lack of connection with me was what they learned. Unfortunaley when I thought they were grown and gone, my daughter went and had a baby - then decided she didn't want to take care of it. She inherited (or was taught) my selfishness, and will most likely be heading to jail soon (second degree assult charges from some party she was at) I don't even care that she is going to jail. I am just so pissed off that I now have to start all over with a 7 month old baby. There is no baby daddy listed on the birth certificate, and she will not give up the information. Either I take him or he ends up on the foster care system, she won't put him up for adoption. He is a VERY sweet, well behaved, little boy - who I am surely going to **** up, as I did my own children. I guess she gets the last laugh, but for those of us moms who thinks it's over in 18 years...honestly, it is never really over.

I'm sure you didnt **** up your kids. Even the best parenting can yield ungrateful, lazy, selfish children! I too wish I never had kids, but I have two. I love them both and want the best in the world for them, but they are two of the most dysfunctional human beings I know. I have given them everything in my ability, gave up any sort of fun in my life to raise them, and my 21 year old cant hold a job, wont go to college, doesnt drive, and my 18 year old dresses like a ****, sleeps around, does drugs, and treats me with zero respect. Yeah, having kids was worth it all - NOT!

wow, well if you don't want to take care of it give it to the foster care system. they can't make you raise him if you don't want to.

Veronica - I totally agree. Although if the daughter doesnt want the child to be adopted, the writer of this forum can still approach social services about adoption. The mother has already given up all rights to have any say in the matter. If she doesnt want the child herself why does she wasnt to prevent her son from having the opportunity to be adopted by a family who desperately want to adopt?

Yes that is so true. People always say you are responsible for them until they are 18, not true. I know many parents still looking after their children who are in their 30's &amp; 40's because the children have drug addictions, disabilities, etc. Wow that is really something! Your job as a parent never ends.

Wow. Someone just like me. However I no longer know (weird sentence structure) if I love my children or ever did. Maybe it's some sort of defense structure against being hurt again by them. Maybe I was just never able to let them in. My daugher is the most selfish, materialistic individual I have ever me. She drinks far too much and is just plain nasty to her brother and to me. Her brother is in a sober living environment that I pay for out of my meger salary but he "slams" me behind my back to the others that live in his household. I feel a sense of duty toward them but love, I don't know.

exactly.

i agree that is a lifelong commitment. a parent's job is never done

well i would recommend therapy but since that is so expensive how about reading a self help book. self help books have helped me out alot in my insecurity issues and depression. althoug what you have is different i'm sure you'll find the right book to give you insight on how to deal with your problem. best wishes xoxoxoxo

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I really thought I was alone. So glad to see I am not the only person who hates being a mom.

I feel absolutley the same as well!<br />
I feel even worse as it was my idea to have them and I had to convince my husband! Now he dotes on them and I find myself grieving for my old life and desperatley DESPERATLEY wishing that I could turn the clock back and change my decision (which was ba<x>sed on a really stupid reason in the first place). The worst thing is the feeling that it is a life sentence and that there is no escape, nothing to free you, and ultimatley that you will probably end up scarring them in some way-and they don't deserve that.<br />
So with parenthood you get the resentment/ nostalgia and guilt platter served up. Couple that with poverty, sleep deprivation, and seeing the career you worked so hard for go down the tubes (because if you really believe you can have it all-you're dreaming!) it's hard to see the good in parenting. I have a friend going for IVF and I want to scream at her not to, but it's not my business. If she only knew how much I envied her...

Tell her to think twice about being a parent. It seems like a huge responsibility that never ends...... Yikes!

"I have a friend going for IVF and I want to scream at her not to, but it's not my business. If she only knew how much I envied her..."

This is what frustrates me about many parents: the lack of honesty. Maybe you should at least tell her how hard it is and to think about it, at least she has been warned. Everybody talks about having kids like it's all puppies and rainbows, but nobody is honest about it. I have always said that I don't want kids and many parents are very vocal about how great it is to have children. Very few come to me, behind everybody's back, and tell me that they support my choice.... only to tell me what a blessing kids are when there are others present.

It is a constant pressure to have kids. Such a strong pressure, that sometimes I even start questioning myself. I only find honesty and validation in my decision in anonymous forums like this. I can see why being infertile can feel like a horrible scar on your forehead, with all the society's pressure to have babies. My decision was voluntary, yet I still feel like an outcast sometimes.

i wake up everyday regretting my decision to have children. I feel overwhelmed, depressed and alone. There is always a child who is in need of something and i have to cater to their every need. i am a mother of six and i am doing it all by myself. Im constantly cleaning, cooking, washing clothes, breaking up fights and changing diapers. I have even found myself locking myself in my room for days just to be away from them. i feel like a horrible mother, but i dont care to change the things that i do. I just want it to be over, but it never will. I have to endure this horrid life while the father of my children indulges in the life of freedom. I dont want ot give up on them like their father has but I have been considering adoption. I cant handle it anymore and I dont want to feel bad about the choice I have made.

I feel sorry for you... but as you hate having children so much surely you must have knowen after having the first one. I feel exactly the same way but after having one child there is no way on earth I would ever have another!

I agree with unhappymother. After having 1 child would have been enough for me. I don't have kids. I am pushing 40 and I am sure I don't want them. I am always annoyed around kids. the crying and whining they do alone annoys me!

Thank goodness I am not the only one who feels this way. It feels so wrong to say it to anyone, but I have kids and I never should have been a Mom. I made a mistake having kids. I absolutely hate being a Mom. I want to travel. I had them young and before I was old enough to make a wise decision. I wish I could take it back. I do love my kids, but I so wish I didn't have give up who I was to have them.

I couldn't have said it better myself. I will go as far to say that I don't even find joy in being around my children. Sure they make me laugh and do cute things and all but when it comes down to it I just want the good ole days back with my husband. <br />
I seriously don't think though that anyone could have talked me out of having kids. Even reading these stories wouldn't have changed my mind. It's the next step after getting married right? Being a mother is not something I was cut out to do but I have to go through the motions of parenthood because I signed up for it. I never thought about what kind of world I was bringing them into either.....the media, t.v, toys, junk food, and if I never see another chicken nugget in my life it will be to soon. <br />
Thanks for your post...I'm totally with you!

I am 25 and have no kids and I am not married. I appreciate your honesty because I honestly have never wanted them. I get sick of women around my age saying that it is the best thing ever having a baby. They keep popping them out and then they look old, fat, and unhappy. I do not want kids and it is nice to hear the honesty and to know that motherhood is not all it is cracked up to be. I hope to find a man that will feel the same way. If I have kids, it will be dogs. Thank you!

katbybye, I agree with you . I am over 35 and married. My husband and I don't want kids either. I love my life! I can do whatever I want, whenever I want. I never have to worry about having extra money for kids

Blasphemy! How is that a decades of ping hires isn't bringing you joy? Mothers are liars. I am so tired of hearing the same lame thing. "Being a mom is that hardest thing you'll ever do...but it is also the most wonderful thing you'll eve do." keep telling yourself that but stop lying to everyone else! It's not too late for women who haven't traded in freedom for filth and happiness for hearing a child whine to get their way even though they are the mos unreasonable creatures on planet earth. Life can be so much better and more fulfilling without kids. Look at all the studies! Parents are the least happy people on the planet!

I so agree with you.. I have totally ruined my life. I love my daughter so much, but can't handle her illness any more. I have given up my life to look after her - she is 24, and has been sick now for eighteen years. Doctors have given me no answers, and no one knows what to do for her. She continues to be sick or get worse, no matter what we do. It is wearing me down, and I am depressed and crying all the time. My life is gone. I have no life. I have to watch her suffer each and every day, with no hope of a normal life. If only I had never had her, I could have a normal life and really enjoy each and every day, not endure total despair. I don't even want to wake up in the morning, as there is nothing to look forward to. This is not her fault - she did not ask for this illness. But I still wish I never considered having kids - my life is totally ruined.