I Wish I Never Had Children!

I feel the same way. I have 2 kids. I am so sick of everyone saying how precious this time is and how they grow up so fast. I feel that they can't grow up fast enough. I also have thought that other moms must be lying or fooling themselves when they say that parenthood is the best thing. I am uncomfortable talking with other parents because I am not good at lying or being fake and feel that it is obvious how much I hate being a mom. I also love my husband and long for the good old days when it was just the two of us, independent, free, and enjoying eachother. Now we have such a practical/functional relationship...just getting this one fed, this diaper changed, this one to the doctor..... What were we thinking? Why did we believe all the crap about babies being a "bundle of joy"? I agree with the above post on motherhood being a chore, no real joy in it. I keep them fed, cared for, and even try to do fun things with them, like go to the park or library. But, all the while I am out with them, I am wishing I could be doing one friggin thing that I want to do. I am so sick of the stupid kids section of the library..I want to take a nice walk through the park, not push a stupid swing 50 times. I have never felt so trapped, hopeless, unhappy (even when I was in a horrible work situation and got laid off). I feel hopeless because this situation is not going to change for a long time...I am not going to wake up tomorrow and my kids will be 18 years old no longer my responsibility. I wish I had heard from people like those on this site, or anyone else regretting children, before having them. Now, all I can do is be brutally honest about how much having kids really sucks, if anyone wants to hear my perspective...perhaps someone else will make a better choice for themselves.
parentingsucks parentingsucks 36-40, F 47 Responses Nov 2, 2010

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I couldn't agree more. When I was a kid, I had 2 siblings, & we all get along wonderfully, and still do. Growing up, I wanted tons of kids, at least 4 & would have considered more, coming from my happy home. Instead, my body would only produce one girl, and I hate her. I loved her when she was smaller, but as she's grown, it's come to light that she has horrible genes.

A depression gene that shows up here & there in our family tree on my side, and some ADD & borderline personality bullsh!t from his side. She's a facking nightmare. SO NEEDY! I can never do enough, or buy enough, or spend enough time with her, or spend enough money. It's MORE MORE MORE and it's non stop!

Sometimes I will talk (very lightly) with other moms about how difficult it is to have a teen (I leave out all the other junk she comes with) and they smile knowingly & gaze into the distance & say something like, "Yeah, but in the end, it really is all worth it." REALLY?! WHEN THE FACK DOES THAT HAPPEN?

Because so far, since the day I became a mom, and in particular, since she became a teen, not only did my life get put on hold - it ENDED COMPLETELY. I can't take her anywhere because of her poor behavior, attitude & negativity. I can't leave her alone because she is sometimes suicidal. I can't hurt her feelings by taking a day off from her NON FACKING STOP TALKING about NOOOOOTTTTHHHHHIIINNNNNNNGGGGGG and she gives me a crappy attitude when I have to work (which I do FROM HOME so I can be here for her more often!)

I just quit sometimes, you know? Big deal, when YOUR kid turns 18 and moves out, they can basically survive on their own for the most part. My worries will N.E.V.E.R end and if anyone had given me the slightest inkling that my life would be this way, I'd have had my tubes tied after my first period.

A glimpse into my life PRE CHILD. I traveled everywhere. Went with friends, family, volunteer groups. Costa Rica, Russia, Sweden, Germany, Mexico, Canada, road trips through the US. I run my own business (always have) & do well with it. I had many friends.

AFTER CHILD. It's not that you can't travel & have friends with kids - of course you can. Just not with mine. NO ONE can stand to be around her for more than an hour or so. It is so physically and emotionally draining to just be in her negative presence that people literally tell me, "Ok, I'm at my limit, I have to go home now." Even my family can only take so much.

Ugh. I hope for her own sake that she grows out of some of this. And I don't want JACK SH!T of a reply from anyone with advice on how she should be in therapy (she is & he's great) or on medication (believe it or not it's helping & she STILL makes us all nuts.) or rant at me that I don't love her or want her to do well in life. Of course I do.

It's just that....I also hate what she's done to my life, because of all her problems. I understand that SOME of those problems are genetic and not her fault. But for facks sake..... it's just too much already.

Bottom line. Kids can be horrible. In a non stop, never ending kind of way. Those moments of sunshine and love you get from your kids? I don't get those. So soak some in for me, and spare me your lecture - my life is NOT yours. And you should THANK GOD for that.

Oh, I can totally relate. I was never very maternal, and I have always disliked other people's kids. But I have two, for two reasons: I found a great man (wouldn't have had any with a mediocre one) and just for the experience. I did not feel any love or particular longing for children, but I thought that life is long, and to be truly human I also wanted to experience parenthood. Somebody said that you don't truly know fear before you have kids, and I agree completely. So it is a ride, and I wanted on.

To offer hope to those who struggle with their kids, I can just say that adjusting your expectations may help. Do not take advice, or even associate much with the truly maternal ones - they will make you feel inferior, either by accident or on purpose. You do not have to organize great birthday parties, or tolerate your house being taken over by play tents and all the kiddy crap there is. Have a proper, adult-centered living room, and make the kids play in other areas. That alone has gone a long way for me to preserving my sanity. Find some people with healthier, less hormone-driven people than the supermoms. My mother, who had four children herself and had little life outside of the family, told me people who demand "sacrificing everything for your children" or "doing everything for your children" or other such bull* are plain crazy. Your job is not to stop existing as an individual, or spend every waking moment marinated in children's activities and culture. Your job is to keep your children alive, and teach them about the world. So don't listen to kid's songs all day, play the music you like, and put on a documentary about something you like. That is what I do. Balanced with some kids culture too, because it is a lot easier to tolerate when you don't feel it is all you have to do.

I can totally relate to what you're saying. Being a musician, I need to keep my own identity as inspiration happens when it wants and not when the 3 yr old is napping.
I watch HENDRIX documentaries, live concerts and biographical movies about musicians with my son along with Muppets. The only way to keep my sanity is to keep myself whole and not have fatherhood turn into job. I agree with you wholeheartedly

I feel the same way. I thought I would love my children. Instead, I hate it.

I am so happy that I have never had children, despite the many people telling me that I would regret my choice. I see how miserable my siblings are because of their children and they so resent my freedom. Look, we have all made our choices. I think those who have chosen to have kids need to stop resenting those of us who have not.

Not everyone is born to be a mother. Some people love kids but you don't. It doesn't mean that other people lie. You are simply not enjoying it. I dot know what it's like to be a mother since I am a male and I don't know what it's like to be a parent since I have no kids but I know for fact some people love taking care and raise kids. For me it looks like for you raising kids is very hard and frustrating and something that you saw different in better way. All I got to say is don't punish them just because you hate being a mother.

Truth is I love my kids my eldest who is a nightmare I get punched spat at abused I work full time always have they have has everything but I feel resentment against my estranged husband as he never did anything with them took his holiday off with them apart from the family one I worked contributed and did the school stuff parents evening on my own dentist doctors barbers and worked in a stressful job to hear from the pig headed man I'm the bred winner all the time never did I ask for a penny or did he ever have to give me any I brought the kids clothes paid for summer holidays I lived with an abusive man that was selfish that didn't share half of his responsibility so I have been left feeling resentful of not being fulfilled with my life mine changed his didn't

I hate my children. I hate everything about them and I wish I had never adopted them. I cry most days and often want to just leave and disappear. We were lied to about how screwed up these kids were by their social worker. The only thing that keeps me here is knowing how much it will hurt them if I don't. I pray everyday for them to just grow up and go away. Everything I've tried to do to help them has failed and I've given up. My biggest regret is that I ever adopted them and if I could do it again I would not even consider it. Add to this the fact that very few people understand this at all and I'm so alone with it, it is killing me. My relationship with their other parent ended because of the stress of them, we just couldn't hang in there any longer. I resent their existence, I resent my friends that have birth kids they love and have happy moments with, wishing it was different doesn't do any good but I can't seem to get past that thought.

I wish everyday that I could walk out the front door and NEVER come back.Sadly I can't because I DO care for them, I just hate being a mom. I have no nurturing nature like women are "supposed" to have. I just want to be alone, no kids, no pets , no lying ,cheating husband , just me. But I have made my bed, now I must lay in it.

I wouldn't regret having kids if my momma didn't have them under her thumb where they talk to me like i am inferior to them. I don't hate them but they call me ugly and bad names. I have agoraphobia and i have to depend on my momma well believe me when i say she uses that against me because she says that she is the boss and when my daughter talks crap to me she protects her by talking to me telling i need to go away and she will call the law. she is a nightmare, and she takes over my kids which in turn makes my kids hard to live with

I have 3 children and they are all spoiled,back stabbing,lying,two faced,greedy, self centered people just like their father.He was controlling to me for 40 years,and I couldn't get away from the monster!! They have bugged my house,my car,phone and computer in order to find out who I talk to,who comes over,what I say,ect.,to tell their father everything. They hate me and are worse than any enemy I could possibly have. They turn people against me so I have NO family or friends. They sided with their father after the divorce 26 years ago,and have controlled my life since then. So yes,I wish I would have NEVER had children. I don't have the money to move away to another house. I have bought cheap bug detectors that buzzed all over in the house,so couldn't locate anything. I can't stand to even look at these low life pieces of crap. So when a mother says something like this,it's probably her "CHILDREN"S" fault,because they have treated HER like crap!!!

Also,I was a good mother. I put my kids and their needs before mine,went to every school function,teachers conference,ect.,bought them nice things when I could. I worked alot,but went home and worked doing dishes(while the kids did NOTHING),cooking,house work,went to the laundramat,ironed their clothes,did without myself so they could have nice clothes. I wore the same clothes for 6 years. I NEVER went to the beauty shop. Their father spent his money on booze and buying other people steaks,while we had beans.

I have a 13 year old girl who was labled developmentally delayed and was always behind in school , she didn't start speaking in full sentences till she was 4 years old. she seems normal now whatever that is, but she is obsessive and asks questions over and over again until it's done and answered the way she wants . I hate being a mom it has not been a good experience for me I know people have far worst challenges than I do but I cant stand her and I feel guilty for feeling this way. I cringe at her sight sometimes but on the other hand I would give my life for her. all in all parenting does suck and I wish I never had even the one that I have.

I agree! I've never been intoxicated and wouldn't have adopted my son when he was 3 months old if I had read any of these posts.

I wish I had read your post before adopting my son and and becoming divorced 3 years later. My son lives with me. My ex is unfit, lived with a meth addict during the divorce.
So I also agree with you that parenting sucks.

Then put them up for adoption. Let them be raised by someone who wants to a mom. As a child I heard this so much and I remember it 54 years later.

Ok so I'm a 17 year old only child and if I was one of your kids and found this, I would be so hurt. Cause it sounds like you don't really love them....... here's some advice: Show this to both of them when they're 16 so then they won't talk to you at all when they grow up. You can just forget about them as if you never had any. Then it'll be just like the good old days, right? (:

I am so glad you wrote this, I thought I was the only one who felt this way. I also believe these mothers are full of lies and are unhappy as well but afraid that they will be judged if they told the truth. Thanks again. If I could do it all over again.......

Your are not alone! i sometimes feel like this. i always regret of having a child, it was just so much easy, less headaches, no responsibility without a child. i just cant do the things i love to do with my wife because of my son. i always feel that my son took my life away and i sometimes wish that my wife wouldve had a miscarriage. i always ask myself this question, how can i runaway from it all without listening to my or my wifes family complains? will it be different when my son gets older?

I feel soooooo very sorry for your child. Ultimately, your inability to fake it any longer will be discerned by your child. One day I hope that she or he has more compassion than you and will not say, You know, I wish mom would just die. Taking care of her, she is old, I so want to be out doing my own thing...You know karma is a funny thing...May God send your child or children someone that truly wants to be in the moment with them to help them on their journey. May you shed not one tear if you one day woke up and they were no longer there. Any one of the mothers that lost their children in the Newtown, CT incident would probably given their life to have one more day with their child...Again, I feel sorry not for you but for your children.

There are NO guarantees that any child will care for their parents in their old age.
And honestly, if my children are happy and healthy adults, enjoying their lives when I am old, I do not want them to spend all their time, energy, money........caring for me.
My life is already gone-that is-I can do nothing else, I have no other identity, I clean up poo, I wipe messy faces, clean up an entire bowl of food dumped on the floor....... I do not want my children to suffer the same fate caring for me and ruin their lives also.

So glad I found this site also! I feel the same way! My daughter is 2. I love her, but most days I wish we never had any kids. I'm just exhausted. She's actually really good. I quit my job to stay home with her. Im bored, uninspired and stressed out most of the time. I don't enjoy kid games, toys, shows or any of it. I'm not looking forward to sports and kid stuff! I hate kids birthday parties but do these things with a smile while wanting to scream the whole time. I look forward to nothing! Finally putting her in daycare 2 days a week so she can be with kids her own age and play etc. I am starting therapy again for all these feelings! My husband is so sick of listening to me and I'm making him miserable.

Yes Post partum depression can last until your children are 3 and six! Don't rely on what you think you know. Read up on post partum. Half of the women here who hate being a mother may very well b suffering from an undiagnosed mental affliction. Why are you automatically assuming that this is the way you really feel. Put in some effort to change it. Research and TREAT. You won't be perfect but you deserve to be happy and your child deserves a happy parent. They can always tell if u aren't happy. ALWAYS. Even if you think you are hiding it well. After all you are the one that decided to give birth so it is your responsibility to make the best of it. Sitting back and hating where you are in life is not a solution to anything. And I'm sure all if you at least have on percent of love for your children. Don't subject them to feeling like they are disliked. They don't deserve that. And like I said you may think that you hide it well but children always can tell. ALWAYS. I'm not saying any if this to be mean or judge or critisize really I'm not! I'm saying it because it hasn't been said and it seems that tough love should be at least one side of the box you are in. Someone (even a stranger) that cares about you and your children enough to give it to you straight. Sorry if I'm crossing the line or upsetting anyone but it should be said...

1-I have no idea if you have children. If you do and love it, good for you, have a nice life, but please stop criticizing and judging others who are struggling. If you do NOT have children, you have NO understanding of these things.
2-I do not have a "mental affliction", as you assume. IF any parent is still depressed 5+ years, it is no longer "post-partum" is just depression.
3-Read the other comments here, and in other resources, to see that many, many other parents feel the same way I do.
4-I DO PUT IN EFFORT, every. single. day. 24/7/365..... all of my effort, my energy, my life....
4.5 - Please do not ASSume that I "sit back" and do nothing
5-You are doing nothing but judge, criticize, and cross the line, and be of NO help, 0% supportive. (btw-why are you reading & lashing out on topics like this?...possibly you have felt the same at some point?....hmmmmmm)

I have two children and no I don't love every single second of it yes sometimes it's so hard I have breakdowns but no I never wish I had never had them. I am so sorry I offended you I am on this board because I thought I could help in some way. I didn't mean any harm. And I wasn't saying you sit back and do nothing in a literal sense. I was saying maybe its a good idea to do some research into WHY you are feeling this way to maybe help find a solution. Things will never be perfect for U or anyone else but what's the harm in trying to make things a bit better. Yes lasting postpartum is just depression with a root of postpartum. If u nvr felt this way before kids it's very possible that u have ongoing untreated postpartum aka depression. My only point was why accept these feelings? I think u deserve to be happy and I don't even know you. And I never said u dont make an effort with your children in your life etc. I am sorry if I crossed the line and caused u to feel the need to become defensive. I am being sincere when I say that I meant no harm and I was just trying to help. I am not judging or criticizing. Honest. All I was saying is maybe look into the depression thing u just never know. I went four years after my first preg before I was diagnosed with postpartum. I didn't hate being a mom per say I just felt like everything was wrong and I couldn't do a darn thing right. By the time they diagnosed me I had seen seven docs who overlooked it and by that time it was plain old depression that I now permanently live with. And there's nothing wrong with that. I just know that sometimes what I'm feeling is not really how I truly feel. Also I did see other ppls comments and everyone was just saying they understand what ur going thru but not providing any useful tips (which is ok too they are being supportive in a SUPPORT group it's good) I just thought I would try to give some new kind of feedback. Again I didn't mean to offend I guess I just don't know how to help. A lot of people face to face tell me I come off rude and "know it all" but I really don't mean to. I will leave you alone I'm sorry. I was just trying to tell you that u and your family deserve to be happy just like mine did before I got treatment. I hope everything works out nicely for you in your life.

I agree with you. I work terribly hard. In my home and own a 140 acre farm. I'm personally sick of ****** kids who act spoiled and don't appreciate anything at all! My son being number one. I hold him accountable in my home. I don't drink, do drugs, or have boyfriends.
Being a parent truly sucks!

I hear you, honey. I can't relate to other parents either. The best part of my day is dropping my kid off at school. (After an hour of fighting to get out the door, of course.) The drive to work is my only solace.

Agreed! Thank you!

Oh god I feel exactly the same. Growing up I couldn't wait to have children. I was very maternal and was thrilled to get married then start a family. I had bad PND after my daughter and it ruined out relationship from there. She is now nearly 6 and I also have a 3 yr old Son but I actually hate being their mum. My whole life feels like a constant fight with them. All I do is about all day and I get so frustrated at how stupid being a mum is making me. I've tried to get a job and have a life of my own but it didn't hell. I can't just leave them bcoz I never want to be that woman but I regret having them all the time and they are gonna hate me when they grow up!

I had a child 3.5 months ago and I find the experience intoxicating. It is hard, but so worth it. I feel a buzz of happiness every day. It takes one looks at his smiling face for me and my husband to forget about the sleepless night and say to each other: "he is so worth it!". We both just feel incredible amount of love towards him, it is like a love explosion...

It is sad to hear that not everyone experiences parenthood in this way...Very often, overlooked post natal depression is to blame.

Yes, I agree, post-partum depression can be a reason for disliking parenthood. However, many people, such as myself, STILL hate it years later. My kids are almost 3 and 6 now. I do not think I have be dealing with post-partum depression for 6 years. Some of us are just not cut out for being a mom or a dad. Do I love my children and sacrifice 100% and more for them Every. SIngle. Day.?=YES. If I could go back and "do it all over" would I choose to have children=NO. Yes, those 2 seemingly conflicting feelings can exist at the same time. Many other parents have expressed that same thing.
Thanks for your comments - Oh how I wish I could love my 24/7/365 job of being a mom and find it "intoxicating" as you do!!!....but I have never felt that way. Not everyone is exactly like you...not everyone experiences parenthood the same as you do.

My husband and I live in the United States, where women's reproductive rights (and men's right to refuse parenthood too) is constantly under attack. I don't find it very fair to push anyone into compulsory parenthood, but that seems to be the direction my country is headed. The media helps the cause, publishing endless articles geared mainly toward women that extol the virtues of children. Usually these are accompanied by radiant photos of mirthful mothers and quotes about how fulfilling and thoroughly rewarding parenthood is.

No one is honest about the effects of pregnancy – all various and sundry medical complications, up to and including death. No one tells you that breastfeeding can be horribly painful. No one tells you what it's like to deal with a screaming two-year-old or how to calm yourself when she cannot be calmed. No one tells you that after enrolling your teenager in the best school in the state, the poshness of the district may give him the connections he needs to begin a hard drug habit that will plague him for the rest of his life.

Worst of all, the persistent myth, "All mothers love their children," marches on without pause. Women who don't (and men too) feel demonized, evil, and alone. The messages they receive from politicians, the media, and of course, other parents, tell them that something's wrong with them for not finding the experience to be heaven on earth.

My husband and I got together when we were in our early 20s. After dating a few months, he joked that we'd "make really cute babies." Horrified, I searched high and low for a way to break it to him that I didn't want any. Thankfully, he told me he was was his sly way of saying "Aren't we sexy" or something like that.

More recently, we've spent time with his friend who frequently babysits her niece. The niece is always either screaming, stomping and hollering, or putting her hands all over people. Part of the issue is that she's not getting enough attention (or discipline? not my place to say...) from her family, but part of MY issue is that I have no maternal instinct, and being around kids drives my anxiety through the roof. MANY people feel this way, and it is totally healthy and okay. We're just not allowed to speak of it, ever, in polite company.

I wish I lived in a country where more of you, the mothers on this thread who are unhappy, could raise your voices and tell the truth. It would help prevent many women of all ages from making mistakes they regret for 18 or more years. It would help the pro-choice cause. And above all, it would provide an honest and refreshing counterpoint to the dominant paradigm in America, which is that a life without kids and a white picket fence is a life lacking, a life bereft, a life of selfishness, hedonism, and evil.

I empathize with all of you, and you DO deserve to be heard. My mother felt as you do, I suspect. Though my growing up with her was horrible, I can't fault her for her feelings, as I share them. She liked her career and hobbies best of all – and so do I! I'm glad that, at least for now, my husband and I have the choice not to have children, and I wish it were presented as an honest and fulfilling choice to more people in America.

Thanks for your honesty. That is all I can do now as completely honest, regardless of what others think of me.
Many people do love their kids-I love my kids and sacrifice my all for them. However, at the same time, I dislike that and do regret the choices that we made.
My big concern now is how to be honest with our kids when they are older - as you alluded to your Mom. I do not want to damage their self-esteem/worth or suggest that they were mistakes. However, I want them to know the reality of parenthood and make the decisions that are right for their lives.
Thanks again for your honesty. Hopefully you will also help others be more aware before jumping into having a child. Peace and Love to you.

Society tells us we all all supposed to have children; it's the "normal" progression of adulthood. I think many people have children because its something they are expected to do instead of something they WANT to do. I do not think I have ever heard one of my friends or family member say they had children because they just love kids so much and want to devote their entire lives to raising children. At least 50% of the time its an accident and people refuse to terminate the pregnancy.

I believe a lot of parents regret having children, but no one talks about it for fear they would be labeled a monster. With everything being so politically correct these days, if you even muttered a word about the misery of parenthood and that you wished your kids had never been born, I bet the people in your neighborhood would surely lynch you.

I feel for all the mothers who posted on this board. However, I want to thank you all for confirming what I already knew, that I never wanted children. I have remained child-free because I was afraid I would feel exactly the way you all feel; that I would hate my life.

I wish I had some words of wisdom for all of the women here. Sadly, the only thing I can suggest is that everyone try to make the best out of it and everyday find one thing you are grateful for.

I applaud all of you for being so honest. The number of parents that regret having children is staggering and needs to be talked about openly. All of my friends and family members that have children seem to do nothing but complain about the lack of freedom and time they now have, but of course they say "it's still worth it" I don't believe it. People need to understand that they indeed have a choice about bringing another life into this world. They also need to understand what it is really like. It's disturbing how lightly most people make this life altering choice.

Wow it's been emotions reading through all of that. I split from my husband about 6 months ago I was so unhappy and it's helped a little ad I've got one less child lol. I'm the same Iove my kids but seriously if I could go back I wouldn't have them! I remember my mum once saying to me I love you, I just don't like you very much right now. I kind of feel like that all the time. Once thing I really hate about myself is I'm so laid back and chilled but when it comes to my kids I'm so quick to get frustrated at things! I love my kids but they seem to bring out the worst in me and highlight my failings as a person! Also due to the breakdown of my marriage and regretting that relationship because of them I am forever tethered to a looser! I try to remind myself they are innocent and it's not their fault but it's hard to focus on that when you feel soooo trapped! I was so glad to see I'm not abnormal and I agree I have friends who love being a mum and I just think they are lying! Maybe if we were all a little more open and honest about how we feel we might find things easier?!

i hate being a mom! I hate my ex, i hate my body now. I hate that everything is about my child. I hate that i never get alone or quiet time. I hate i had to stay at a crap job because i couldnt afford to quit because of my child! I hate the annoying things he does, i try to act normal but inside im going crazy i cant tell this to anyone cuz they would think im a bad person but i feel like im being punished for dating the childs father! I wish i could put him up for adoption but what would people think??! My parents adore him i cried this morning wishing i never had him

fresenius 10 I don't think you are crazy! I respect you and many others who are honest and tell the truth. My tenants have 4 kids and are always behind on their rent. I will file eviction again if they don't get caught up. They had childcare costs of $1200 per month for their daughter. That is just absurd. My spouse and I can't imagine dealing with stuff like this. We have a lot of freedom, money, time all to ourselves. You should not have to put on a front for other people. You can admit if you made a mistake. Only you know how you truly feel.

I was so happy to find this site that I cried

I am so unhappy with both my grown, adult sons. They are both ungrateful and selfish. It's all about what they can take from me and never think of paying me back or doing something nice for me. I raised them alone since the younger one was 4. There dad cheated on me and we got divorced. I struggled to keep a great home and they could have everything they needed and more. I guess my more went too far. I know now that I was an enabler but now that I can say NO, they are horrible to me. I truly wish I never had kids, especially sons. Mothers deserve a daughter but that doesn't always work either , I am aware of that. I resent that these are suppose to be adults and still expect me to do so much for them and they do very little for me and if they do, the amount of bullshit isn't worth it. I hate my sons and I wish I could break the tie and not give a damn.

Yeah my mom still looks after her adult children who needed financial assistance. One had a drug problem and mental issues. So you can imagine the job of a parent never ends. They are way over 18 years old. People assume you are responsible for them until 18 years old. That is NOT the case!